Getting Stuck

Posted on April 6, 2017 by sstyves

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I was not a fan of the book The Shack when it came out a decade ago.  This did not prevent me from going to see the film this week.  The movie had similar issues as the book did for me–oversimplifying many of the complex issues about faith and religion, but I am tenacious in finding good lessons in life and so I went with an open mind. I left with some ways to improve my own life and that made it worth the admission fee.

I think two scenes stay in my mind to ponder more.  The first is that Mack is told that he has been asked to return to the shack because it is where he got stuck. We all have memories in our lives that may cause us to stay stuck in that moment and that prevent us from moving forward.  We can ignore them but we cannot run from them or alternatively we pay too much attention to them, giving them more power than they deserve.  I find that it is most helpful to decide what the lesson is from that moment and then try to integrate that concept into my life in order that I can be fully healed.

Getting stuck limits life. Denial, fear, blame, resentment, anger, and other emotions wear away freedom if one overstays in the emotion.  These feelings have a place absolutely–as much as what some would call positive emotions.  They exist for a purpose and also teach valuable lessons. I remember decades ago after I had experienced a trauma, discussing my emotions with my spiritual director at the time.  I was scared that I would not move from the darkness that kept nipping at my heels. I was terrified that I would get stuck in bitterness and anger at what had happened. I thought I might pick up a paintbrush and use it to colour everything that came my way in the same shade of hatred. I was not yet ready to let go of the emotions but I was aware that I might fall into an abyss that I could not claw my way out of.  How will I know if I stay too long in this dark place while I process what has happened to me? I asked him. He assured me that my worry would be my saving grace–that the desire to climb out of the tomb was a gift from God that I could trust.  When the time came to move on, I would know.  I have revisited that conversation over the years and been grateful that he guided me in a way that gave me confidence that I could reclaim my own inner authority.

The other scene that was powerful for me in both the book and the movie was the judgment chair clip.  As Lent draws near to an end and we enter Holy Week next week, I have spent some time thinking about judgment.   I am trying to be more curious than judging. I listen to others who are judging me or others and recognize how it is a go-to place for many of us.  I hear others react as if they have been judged or are going to be when there is no proof that has or will happened.  I am realizing more and more that we will never have all the facts of someone else’s life and therefore cannot be a fair judge of it.  Sometimes, I am not sure I have all the facts in order to judge my own life without bias.  I am a believer that God is a merciful Judge and the movie pointed in that direction. Perhaps that is my touchstone as I try to be less judgmental. I may never achieve total freedom from this sinful nature but I can keep trying to be curious instead and see if that changes me bit by bit.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

When you watch a movie or read a book, do you try to extract lessons to live your life more abundantly?

How are your Lenten decisions shaping up as we approach Palm Sunday and Holy Week?

Prayer

Merciful God, you know us through and through.  You hold each of our experiences that have broken us and scarred us gently as we fumble through life trying to move beyond them.  You long for us to be whole and free. May we be open to getting unstuck. Help us to be curious instead of judgmental.  We pray this in your holy name. Amen.

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Those Who Hope

Posted on April 3, 2017 by sstyves

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Stones….we like to throw them at other people.  I am always intrigued a bit by people who listen to a self-help style of presentation and pigeon-hole others into boxes rather than figuring out how the new knowledge might be healing for that person.  I can be guilty of doing this myself but it is usually because it reveals something that I need to learn about myself in order to interact more positively with the other person.  In today’s readings, we see people ready to harm others because of the accusations brought against them, even without knowing all the facts.  I think stone-throwing comes from our own fears and insecurities most of the time. Maybe if we stopped being so afraid we would pay more attention to our own lives like Susanna in the first reading.

I love the story of Susanna.  I first heard about it three decades ago when I was giving my first men’s retreat.   I was terrified because I was the only young single woman on the team and was going to be presenting to a packed house of males.  Some of the men seemed unsure why I was there and even, dare I say it, annoyed that I was.  After the first evening, the director of the retreat centre said something to me in French and laughed.  I responded that I had not understood and he then asked if I knew the story in Daniel 13.  I had never heard it but pulled my bible out that night and read it.  I have since called it the Book of Susanna. Non-Catholics will be unfamiliar with it as it is not in most Christian bibles and even Catholics will not have heard it often unless they go to week day mass. The tale of the two treacherous, lecherous elders who attempt to seduce Susanna into sin reveals the righteousness of a woman who places her hope in God.  I am not really sure what the priest had in mind by having me read it but I like to think he was telling me my faith would impress some of these men.

Susanna is a beautiful woman who is raised in her faith which probably illuminates her life and makes her even more appealing. Married to a wealthy and popular man, she is well-received in the community until the two men try to convince her to sleep with them. She refuses to comply and remains steadfast in hope that God will intervene somehow.  She would rather be put to death than sin against her Beloved. The people, when they hear the lies that are told about Susanna, believe they are true.  Somehow they lose their common sense and admiration for Susanna because of these elders when really they are, as Daniel announces, pronouncing unjust judgments to protect their own lusts and darkness. Susanna is saved by Daniel’s clever uncovering of the crime committed against her and all praised God because of it.  Susanna’s great trust in her God is inspiring in the face of punishment, dishonour, and death.  She never second guesses her decision to remain faithful, even when all around her are ashamed of what they believe she has done.  I have wondered sometimes if she exchanged words with her husband about his lack of faith in her but different eras elicit different reactions I am sure.

The Gospel is the well-known story of the woman caught in adultery.  Much has been written about this encounter. Jesus’ response to the mob who looks at her sin instead of their own or that of a society that has probably put her in this position in the first place is priceless.  The one without sin is to throw the first stone. He scribbles in the sand so as not to condemn any gathered. One by one the men leave and she is left alone with her Saviour. We pick up stones pretty quickly most days.  I have been trying to work on breaking this habit a bit during Lent but I am failing somewhat. In spiritual direction, I have found that retreatants that come with judgments are often lacking the self-esteem they need to let others be free to make mistakes.  This has been a good mirror for me. The ability to put the stone down and reflect on my own issues has been helpful in finding greater freedom. Looking at our own dark sides is scary but it does create healing and wholeness when we set out to do it.  Once we are free, we are more likely to judge others less and have more compassion. In the responsorial psalm (23) we hear that even though we walk through the shadow of death, we will fear no evil, because God is with us. Susanna knew this in ways that I hope I can too.

To be able to stand silently when others accuse of wrong-doings or to trust God in the moments when fear might overcome us is a remarkable feat.  Those who hope in the Lord can raise a great shout and bless God for the graces received. Susanna and the nameless woman knew what it was to be falsely persecuted. God intervened both times for them in powerful and humbling ways. We will see Jesus stand silently before his accusers soon.  He is ever our model.  The question tonight though is really about whether we want to be in the role of the accuser or do we want to be more compassionate to those around us. These two women show us that we can misjudge people when we do not know the whole story.  I am going to keep trying to be more curious instead of believing I know what is going on in the minds and hearts of others.  I hope to lay down my stones and fears so that I may learn better how to follow Christ’s example of not responding to the tales that I hear from the accusers and haters in life.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

How have you judged someone unfairly?

When have you been judged unjustly and desired a Divine intervention?

Prayer

Sand-Scribbler, you do not judge us as we deserve.  Instead you are merciful and loving, calling us to hope in you and trust in a loving God. You do not accuse us nor do you shame us.  How wonderfully blessed we are to belong to you!  Amen.

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Lord, If You Had….

Posted on April 2, 2017 by sstyves

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How often do we blame God for not coming through when we needed something?  The Gospel today has Mary stating an opinion that could be uttered by any of us: Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.  Kneeling at his feet, she weeps and he is deeply moved and also weeps. The Miracle Man did not live up to people’s expectations…yet. The true miracle is about to unfold but those gathered grieving the death of their loved one are overwhelmed. Martha had said earlier with great hope and faith that God will give Christ whatever he asks.  She foreshadows the resurrection of Lazarus.

Lord, if you had…..not been asleep at the wheel, distracted by another million catastrophes, been paying attention, intervened earlier/later, loved me more, or whatever it is that runs through our minds when we are faced with the unspeakable spill out of our mouths in times of trouble. Some of the crowd also questioned why Jesus had not been able to keep his friend from dying. When our happy ending does not unfold, we feel the weight of the devastation rather than trust that somehow some good will come of it.

When life does not turn out as we believe it should, we can entomb ourselves and crawl into a dark space. We can decide that it is more comfortable in the tomb than in the bright light of day. We can stay there, bound up with anger, bitterness, and resentment until a piece of us has also died. The cave has become our haven, our escape from reality but it is not where we belong as children of the Light.

The Lazarus reading has come up in some group discussions lately. I keep thinking about the people outside the tomb, peering into the smelly, dark hole holding their grief,  vulnerability, and breath.  Were they hanging on to hope that Jesus might indeed be able to do this miracle?  Did they back away in disgust at what came out of the tomb before Lazarus emerged? What emotions came over them when Lazarus stumbled through the entrance?  Did they rush to untie him when Jesus commanded them, happy to further free their loved one from his bondage? Was the reunion joyful?

I imagine Lazarus in his cocoon, hearing his friend and Saviour call him forth. Come out! What did he think at that point? Could he hear his sisters too?  Was he able to listen to the crowd wailing? Did he prefer to stay in the dark or did he rise immediately upon being called, longing for the Light again? What determination did it require of him to take those strides back towards wholeness and life? What humility it showed as he took baby steps towards the entrance of the world that he once knew but that would now be forever changed for him and those he loved!

We all must choose life each day to come out of the tombs that imprison us, and to walk as children of the Light.  Two years ago I could have stopped living; I could have crawled into the tomb of fear and sorrow but I choose to live each day until I die.   On occasion I still need Christ to call me out of the darkness and friends to help unbind me from those fears that keep me from being free.  The first Holy Week after being diagnosed I cried during the liturgies which took on new meaning to me, as they did after my sister died.  As I enter my third Easter season in the coming weeks, I feel much freedom about what will come. I have worked hard to get to this place and I have been carried by the many prayers that surround me. God has been abundantly gracious to me. I learned many years ago that life was a great gift.  We can whine, Lord if only you had….or we can simply say, Lord, I thank you for this day where your mercies are new. Here am I to do your will.  We each make a choice.  Lazarus made one that day to leave the darkness. Jesus awaited him as he does each of us. Jesus weeps when we are in the tomb but rejoices when we come out.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What are you blaming the Lord for that keeps you entombed?

Who can you help to unbind and set free?

Prayer

Life-Restorer, thank you for setting me free from the darkness of my life and calling me into the Light.  Bless my loved ones who help unbind me. Your love and tears for me astound me.  Help me to be the fully-alive person you desire me to be. Amen.

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God’s Secret Purposes

Posted on March 31, 2017 by sstyves

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Lent revisits some of the same readings as in previous years and the one today from Wisdom had the same words capture my attention: they did not know the secret purposes of God.  This still remains true for me.  I do not even try to say that I understand God’s secret purposes in life. My mind does not work like the Creator’s.  My vision is short-term and cannot see what the long-term outcome is.  My heart gets all tied up with emotions and entangled in relationships. I am unfree in so many ways.  The other day I was walking, mulling over a conversation with someone who usually pushes my buttons. She simply cannot understand my stance. The words that came to mind were Get behind me, Satan.  We, who do not know the secret purposes want to pray our way out of the corner.  We do not have the energy to stay awake with Jesus in the garden. We want the cup taken away permanently, without asking that God’s will be done. We want our happy endings.

The world has horrible events unfolding as it always does, whether on a macro or a micro level. Wouldn’t it be better if we were not using children as soldiers or not deforesting our planet?  Life would be so much better if I did not have endless people with cancer on my daily prayer list. If only our parents were not slowly losing their minds and their ability to move gracefully through life, our stress would be better managed. Hatred is raising its angry head in sacred places.  What will happen in the next while to the human race? Fear is taking hold of hearts and playing games with our minds.  We cannot find peace so easily if we keep getting distracted from the fact that Love wins.

I stood on my balcony this morning and marveled that the river is almost free of ice. I watched the chunks of ice floating by and wondered if sometimes breaking is good, even if it wreaks temporary havoc. Spring is coming.  Flood fears are low this year for my area but some people are needing to sandbag to be safe. I also scanned the river banks searching for a woman who went missing from my church last fall, curious if the family will finally have closure now that the river is thawed. We all break at various points in life, especially when we do not understand God’s secret purposes.

This week was the reconciliation service at our church.  Confessing your sins is a requirement for Catholics prior to Easter. I mentioned to the priest that I am feeling less and less patient with people who are not mindful of what their words will mean to me.  My other sins were laid out before God and then before the absolution, the priest more or less said to me that I keep showing up and serving.  His point was that was all I was being asked.  I had read the Examen during the that evening.  I could feel the weariness in my bones as I did.  I doubt that most people noticed.  I do keep showing up still because I have said from the beginning that I want to serve as long as I am able My penance was to go and sit before the Blessed Sacrament and simply say, Here am I, Lord.  Without knowing it, the priest had given me the perfect penance.

The Eucharist and Good Friday are perfect examples of God’s secret plans.  Both require a brokenness that is incomprehensible to most. Trusting God is perhaps the lesson we need to learn over and over again in life. Some of us agonize with letting go and others of us have learned to free fall into the hands of Jesus. I am somewhere beyond the middle these days, with the occasional openness to lean back and know that I will be caught.  On a recent retreat that I was on, a couple of people joked about swapping crosses, but the reality is that most of us would not take a different burden.  We would keep our own and carry on to Calvary, following the bloody footsteps of our Saviour.

God creates secret purposes that are magnificent.  They may not always make sense on this side of heaven.  They sure can feel overwhelming and unbearable sometimes.  Not all the secret schemes are experienced that way in the here and now.  Moments of being surprised by great joy are also part of those secret plans.  People do fall in love in unexpected ways or finally conceive a long-awaited child.  Miracles are a witness that this Secret Planner is a dreamer as much as a schemer. Sometimes in the breaking, new life peeks out and Hope emerges in ways never thought possible. We should free fall into those hands with as much abandon.  Trust that God has plans to bring you peace and prosperity and not disaster.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What secret plans of God are either frightening or blessing you right now?

Can you free fall into God’s loving hands either way?

Prayer

Secret Planner, Dreamer, Schemer, have your way. Let me free fall into your secret purposes with a willing spirit so that your will be done.  Give me a heart of trust and a spirit of abandon as I lean backwards into your compassionate hands. Amen.

 

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Rise and Anoint

Posted on March 26, 2017 by sstyves

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What if we all saw with the eyes of God? Today’s readings should shake us up a bit, leading us to fine tune our vision. I have always loved the First Reading from 1 Samuel where Samuel is asked to rise and anoint the one who is to succeed him.  The sons of Jesse present themselves one by one, and Samuel is sure as he sets his eyes on the first one that this man is the one that the Lord wants.  God has other plans though and tells him not to look at the outward appearance but to have the wisdom to see the heart of the one who is presented before him. Seven sons stand before Samuel but not one is chosen.  David is the youngest and is out tending the sheep. When he is sent for, Samuel rises and taking the horn of oil, anoints David in front of his siblings, sending down the Holy Spirit upon him.

David as we know from Scripture is not a man with a completely pure heart so what is it God saw that day? Was it that this handsome creature of his with the ruddy complexion and beautiful eyes had a teachable heart? Had a heart that would thirst eventually for the Lord?  This young man would come to serve God and become a great ruler, with all the flaws and foibles that most of us have, and then some. God sees with eyes of compassion and mercy obviously.  David was able to live as a child of the Light, as the second reading from Ephesians suggests, with all that is good and right and true.  Like so many of us, David will take a meandering road to that state of sacredness. David reminds us of our creaturehood. As we enter another Week of Lent, our sins should remain before us. Our hearts should still to be in union with God as David’s was.  We should still be trying to find out what is pleasing to the Lord and avoiding that which are the unfruitful works of darkness. 

The blind man who has his vision restored in the Gospel says that an astonishing thing has occurred. People get angry and drive him away. Jesus seeks him out and wins the man’s heart and soul. Jesus does not give up on people who are sinners or are made out to be sinners by others.  Christ seems more interested in what is possible from the creature in front of him than other people.

We all can judge others and feel judged unfairly.  Christ calls us to rise and be anointed, even if we believe we are the least likely.  The Creator knows what our hearts are made of and trusts that we can become what the original vision was, no matter how broken we become. We can sin time and again, as King David did, and yet if our restless hearts are yoked to the One who desires us to be free, we still can be worthy.  Sometimes it is easier to look at everyone else and see their sins and disappointments but the real call is to look within our hearts and see if we still long for God.  The rest belongs to God. This Lent I am trying to pull out the log in my own eye and I am finding that I will need longer than this season of reflection to do so.  I will keep my eyes on Christ and hope to have better vision with each part of the plank that I can remove.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

If you could see with God’s eyes, who would you treat differently?

What part of the plank in your eye can you remove to live more as a child of the Light?

Prayer

Creator, your x-ray vision sees more than what our feeble eyes can comprehend.  Teach us to judge less and to stay focused on the longings of our own heart.  We cannot know what is in someone else’s inner most self. We leave that to you. May we be able to rise and anoint others more than criticize and condemn them. Amen.

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Angels Without Answers

Posted on March 25, 2017 by sstyves

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The Feast of the Annunciation of the Lord is today, a day commemorating the Incarnation of the Word.  The celebration is for both Christ and Mary–without Mary’s yes, we might still be awaiting the Saviour. I was on retreat with my Ignatian Lay Volunteer group today and was blessed as always by our time together.  We had two opportunities for prayer and reflection.  The first focused on Suffering — imagining Mary at the foot of the cross upon which her Son hung dying–and the second their reunion after His resurrection.

The facilitator spoke of how suffering puts us in a position of powerlessness. Many people will want to fix the brokenness instead of standing at the foot of the cross.  As creatures we may fix portions but because we are not the Creator, we cannot always complete the task of creating something whole again. What we can do is accompany the suffering person with love, compassion and hope. She then handed out a poem entitled Gethsemane by Mary Oliver. We had some reflection questions about being at the foot of the cross with Mary.

During my time reflection time I wrote this:

Two women stood at the foot of the cross

Looking up at the One dying

Wondering how this was to pass

Would there be no Divine Intervention?

 

A holy presence to hold hearts

A holy present to stand in the pain

Without attempting to fix it

But to just be there without answers.

 

I had been thinking about how Mary did not really understand what her yes meant but she embraced it anyway.  Blessed is she who believes but the hard promise of the Lord was something that was not what was expected all those years later.  The hard promise seems to end in heartbreak when we do not know the end of the story.

In the second part of the day, we looked at the Resurrection and the suggestion came that we spend time with the Ignatian contemplation of the appearance of Jesus to his mother after the resurrection.  There is no Scriptural account of this story but one would think the Son would appear first to his Beloved Mother. In my imagination, I see Mary, grieving the loss of her Son, standing in a room where perhaps he would stay when he was in town visiting her, breathing into a blanket, trying to capture his smell, as so many bereaved people do.  He appears at the door of the room and quietly says Mama. I do not know what the female equivalent is for Abba but I sense he would have called her by such a term of affection. They embrace fully and joyfully, holding all the emotions between them, and the questions melt away.  There is no need to know. Only gratitude that this encounter exists. She takes his nail-scarred hands and kisses them. She cups his face in her hands and hugs him again, laughing this time.

I then wrote this:

Angels do not always come with answers

Maybe more questions arise from

Holy Encounters than we want

Angels reassure us not be afraid

Perhaps because the request is so fearsome and awesome

at the same time that fright is the right response.

Here am I, Lord

Unsure of what it all means

But still I say yes

even though my knees knock and my heart races

Let it be done to me

According to your will, your word.

 

Happy Feast Day! May your yes echo in Eternity.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Try to imagine Jesus appearing to his Mother the first time after the Resurrection.  What does that look like?

Have you ever said yes to something after prayerful discernment that did not turn out as you expected?

Prayer

Not every angel bears an answer. Many create more questions than we know what to do with.  Help us to trust that if you sent them, they will guide us along the right paths, even when it looks like all is catastrophe.  Still our knocking knees and calm our racing hearts.  Let us hope in you. Amen.

 

 

 

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The Elephant Dance

Posted on March 21, 2017 by sstyves

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My name is Suzanne and I am a book-aholic. I bought this book in e-form but I needed to have it in real paper form. Tonight Jarem gathered together people to celebrate his endeavour and read to a packed house of supporters who gave him a standing ovation at the end. The book will be so necessary in this world where we throw people away who are not perfect and wage war against disease.  Jarem offers a different perspective as one who was a caregiver to his mom who also had Huntington’s Disease and now as someone with the disease.  A peacemaker for his whole life, Jarem’s wisdom shines through in this book. I have only read pieces of it, but already I have found it immensely useful.

Jarem came over to greet me at one point and we fell into easy conversation about our illnesses. I thanked him for how he has been a light to my path in this crazy adventure of mine through his writings. I cannot explain how it feels to have someone who understands how I exist in my illness–that this cancer will not be beaten, that I am not a warrior, that I will in fact live every single moment until I die. I will do so with all the grace that I can muster and grasp tightly the hand of Hope.  As was said tonight Hope is not about being cured; hope is so much more. To elaborate, Hope is about living with joy and honesty. Hope is living inspired and counting blessings that arrive each and every single day. Hope is knowing that you are held by a magnificent community of people. Hope is naming the elephant in the room and standing in solidarity with people who will dance with you and that scary beast instead of ignore it. Hope is holding firm to the fact that no matter what happens, we are all capable of loving and being loved, even as we lose our minds and our health. I left this event so uplifted and galvanized.

The book mixes Jarem’s own experience with interviews with well-known people on a variety of topics.  Jarem quoted Jon Kabat-Zinn as he read tonight: From our perspective, no matter what diagnosis you come with or what’s wrong with you, there is more right with you than wrong with you-no matter what is wrong with you.  Jon is the founder of Mindfulness -Based Stress Reduction, and a leading authority on mindfulness.  He has worked with chronically ill and dying people. He talks about mindfulness as a radical act of love, both to self and to those who accompany the one who is sick. Jarem said tonight that in the end it comes down to loving, even with holes in his brain and without a cure.

In our brief conversation, Jarem mentioned that Lucy Kalanithi whose husband Paul wrote When Air Becomes Breath before he died of cancer, also struggled with the war images that are so often used in language and disease, particularly with cancer, such as winning and losing, battling, warrior, etc. In the chapter where Jarem interviews her, she shares that Paul did not die feeling as if he lost everything because he had everything.  Jarem writes that Lucy and Paul each seemed to to have learned that there is a freedom in not trying to avoid suffering at all costs. That freedom is the freedom to live fully-not giving up, not just passing time, not withdrawing from life. The freedom to fully live is the willingness to experience deep joy even if it might be mixed with suffering. The chapter is appropriately called Being Disarmed by Joy with Lucy Kalanithi. What if instead of focusing on the fight we let ourselves be disarmed by joy and love?

This book is rich with wisdom and outside-the-box thinking.   The book-aholic in me looks forward to scribbling in it, underlining the lessons I need to practice in the coming months, and integrating the concepts into my way of life.  Whether you are someone with a chronic or terminal illness or you have dementia or some other disease that creates elephants in your room, this book will show you a few dance steps that you can use.  If you are a caregiver to someone, as was mentioned by an audience member tonight, the book allows you to join the dance with freedom and insight. I highly recommend it.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Are you able to dance with elephants rather than ignore them?

Can you be disarmed by joy in the midst of suffering?

Prayer

Elephant-Dancer, you show us the way to embrace with hope and joy the days we are given, in spite of the sadness and suffering we face. Help us to see that there is more right than wrong with us, whatever our circumstances. May we live fully each moment we are given. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

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Celebrating Fathers

Posted on March 20, 2017 by sstyves

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Today, celebrated a day late because of the liturgical calendar, is the Feast of St. Joseph, the man who raised Jesus in the role of his earthly father . I could not help but send off a couple of emails to some dads I know encouraging them by letting them know they were doing a great job raising their kids. I think of Joseph who must have wondered what exactly he was getting himself into by marrying Mary.  None of us know what life will bring us.  Not all of us will be blessed by the visit of an Angel of God to give us reassurance that we are going to be ok–and what does that mean anyway?  Was Joseph ok? The family sure experienced much trauma and drama in those early years. I cannot imagine what ran through his mind some nights when he pulled up the blankets and nestled into sleep. How many nights did he scan the room for an angel who did not reappear after the flight to Egypt? How many whispered conversations did did he and Mary have about their child? What did Joseph teach his son before he died? I have so many questions when I think about Joseph.  After Jesus turns 12, we do not hear anything about Joseph again so we do not know how long this man was present to Christ.

St. Joseph is the patron saint of so much: the universal church, Canada, the dying, the sick, unborn children, fathers, travelers,  families, home sellers and buyers, social justice, and carpenters and all working people. This does not cover the gamut of what people pray to St. Joseph for. When I was at St. Joseph’s Oratory in Montreal this summer, I was fascinated by how many people have a strong devotion to this man.  Rightfully so, I thought. This humble man seems to understand what hardships people go through and compassionately responds as he did with Mary. So many men today would have left Mary on her own but Joseph stood by her in the end. If we all had angels telling us what to do when confronted with major decisions, we too would probably make the right choices more often, I suppose.  Nonetheless, he could have still chosen to not marry Mary.

I have not yet started to pray regularly to him for a happy death but I think he will be a good accompanier for that experience. Matthew 1. 18 tells us Joseph is a righteous man and that is the kind of person I want to take the final steps with. I can imagine his as the proud earthly father of Jesus who loved his son immensely. I sense he was tender to Mary and that their love was strong and rooted in the secret that they shared.  This boy was not his biologically but that did not change his actions towards him or his mother.  Mary must have marveled at what a blessing he was to the family.

We need good male role models in life.  I am fortunate to have some fantastic men as friends.  Like Joseph, they tend to be righteous and faithful on many fronts. I am ever grateful as a single person that I have developed wholesome, platonic relationships with the opposite sex who let me know that I am valued and loved. I believe it is one of the reasons that my romantic relationships with men have been fairly healthy for the most part. The bar is set high and yet my expectations are realistic about acceptable behaviour. We need Josephs in our lives to balance the males who are not righteous or faithful.  St. Joseph, pray for us, that we may listen for angels and be good people.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What good father figures are you thankful for today?

Are your relationships with significant others righteous and faithful?

Prayer

St. Joseph, thank you for showing us that we can be responsible for more than what is “ours” when we open our hearts and minds to the will of God.  May we listen for the guiding voice of an Angel from God when we need to discern a major decision. Help us to be righteous and faithful people as you were. Amen.

 

 

 

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Thirsting for Water

Posted on March 19, 2017 by sstyves

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The people wandering in the wilderness grumbled and complained to Moses about being thirsty. Moses in desperation cries out to God who guides him to the rock at Horeb so that the people can drink from the spring that gushed forth from it once it was struck. In today’s Gospel, the theme of thirst continues with the Samaritan woman who longs for the Living Water that Jesus offers her. These are timely readings for me as I recover from dehydration after being sick.  I am thirsty too!

How often do we whine when we have risked and stretched our comfort zone only to let fear overtake us?  We forget what we wanted in the first place, which for the people of the first reading was freedom.  As soon as the going gets tough, we want to run back to security as much as we disliked the situation we were in.  Somehow, the appeal of the known usurps our desire for change and growth.  Life was easier to contend with when we knew the demons we were confronting.  The lack of control and ability to predict in new situations can send us scampering back to what we left with excitement. I am as guilty as most others.  I do not mind wrapping myself in the blanket of what I have known instead of trusting that all will be well.  Playing the blame game is not becoming though.  I would rather own my fears and frustrations and work through them then point fingers in directions other than my own. Why do we test God and those around us with our grumpiness when things do not go our way?

Case in point is my dehydration.  I am probably in a constant state of needing more fluids. I do not like to drink. I will force myself to get at least half of what I need on a daily basis.  When I was sick though, I did not do that.  I had no one to blame but myself.  I tried not to be too hard on myself either. I tried to drink more to hydrate myself. A nurse friend did the pinch test on me this afternoon and I laughed.  I am on the road to recovery–my skin bounced back. I am still so thirsty though. I need to find new ways of getting fluids in me and I have tried most of the tricks without great results.  I am wandering around the desert, like a crotchety woman, demanding that I be healed without making the simple efforts to drink more water. I am annoying myself at this point and I am sure God is having a good chuckle at my expense.

Now if only I had the zest of the Samaritan woman I would be better off.  She is a bit prickly with Jesus, bantering boldly without knowing initially to whom she is talking.  She knows what she wants when it presents itself though and demands that he give her the living water so that she no longer needs to come to the well. I have always enjoyed the exchange between this woman and Jesus. I almost can imagine a twinkle in his eye when he asks her to call her husband. Then I see compassion as he looks deep into her eyes when she confesses she has no husband.  This woman is remembered as one of the first people to evangelize others.  She thirsts but she does not complain. She throws off the bonds of the known but unhealthy parts of her life and runs to freedom. She engages and takes responsibility for her choices. She sees the truth of her life through the eyes of the Messiah.  What a model for us!

I thirst for the Living Water too.  As Lent enters Week Three, I consider what it is I thirst for in these last weeks of Lent.  I look at my need to drink deeply from the life-giving water and trust that all I need will be given.  I will be hydrated and blossom if I keep my eyes on the Man at the well.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What are you thirsting for at this halfway point in Lent?

What do you need to stop grumbling about?

Prayer

Living Water, may I always thirst for you.  Give me the desire to drink deeply and often from your well. Show me my own truth and let me see myself with your eyes of mercy. Amen.

 

 

 

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Planning Ahead

Posted on March 18, 2017 by sstyves

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This past week I went to the second session of a three-part series on Death and Dying at my parish. The presenter was the woman who accompanies me to most of my medical appointments.  She did an awesome address to a group of mostly elderly folks, talking about Kubler-Ross’ stages of dying for both the patient and the caregivers. She covered a variety of topics that helped people understand the process better. A co-presenter was ill that evening and so the parish pastor pinch-hit for a brief stint on preparing for the funeral.

I learned something in his sharing that made me incredibly excited. Lay people can lead prayer services!  In an instant, I knew exactly what I wanted for myself. I had been debating about whether to proceed with this ritual and yet in my heart, a great desire for it exists. I have a group of lay people that I would happily hand over that piece of the puzzle with who would come up with something divinely inspired I believe with a wee bit of guidance from me. More and more people are opting out of prayers. Extra costs are involved with the event and the mourners then have double the grief to face. I however like to attend them and find them meaningful when done well. I like the idea of this specific circle of friends — in particular, lay women — leading an evening of prayers for me. I trust them to come up with a structure that works in collaboration with me prior to my death. Mourning is not easy on the heart but if an outlet is created for allowing those who remain to find meaning in the life of their loved ones, comfort can be found.

I also learned that the body can remain at the church if a secure place is available.  Because this journey began in Assisi and because I have spent a lot of time in the chapel of the church complex, I smiled thinking that my coffin might spend hours before a replica of the cross of San Damiano that St. Francis prayed before in Assisi that hangs in our chapel. Something about that image seems sacred to me and feels like the completion of a circle.

I am beginning to seriously make some end-of-life decisions. I want some input into my celebration of life without completely removing others from the occasion. When I think about my prayers, I see it as a more intimate celebration than a larger funeral. Both the funeral and the prayers will bring together all of my worlds–Catholic, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, seekers, and non-believers.  The prayers may be more inclusive than the funeral because there will probably not be the Eucharist.  I have a desire for all to feel welcome at both celebrations.

I want songs that are meaningful to me to be sung by people I know. Scripture readings will need to encourage and comfort those who remain. Besides the eulogy at the funeral, I believe some sharing of who I am at the prayers will be helpful. I remember being one of three speakers at the prayers for a beloved former pastor.  People can laugh at the memories and weep for their loss, whatever they need to do. A simple beauty and peaceful ambience is what I imagine.

I suppose some will find this morbid but the reality is that as a single person some decisions need to be made and not all of them can wait until I am gone.  My church community is important to me and has sustained me for three decades.  This family seems to be the perfect ones to bless me and pray for my soul the night before my funeral. I look forward to planning ahead.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Have you thought about what you desire for your celebration of life?

How much involvement do you want in creating a ritual for your funeral?

Prayer

Creator, as your creature, I do not want to cling to this life. When the time comes, may we celebrate well a life lived with passion and  joy as an ode to you and your great mercies.  Amen.

 

 

 

 

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