Dreamers Wanted

Posted on March 17, 2017 by sstyves

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The First Reading today often sends people to the image of Joseph and his wildly coloured coat. However, this is the dark side of that story of jealous siblings and a father who let them know that he loved his son Joseph best of all. When the brothers see Joseph approaching, they mocked him announcing that the dreamer was coming and they plotted as to how to kill him. Only Reuben protested and suggested that they throw him in a pit in the wilderness so that he might return and restore him to his father. Instead, they end up selling Joseph, trafficking him into slavery for twenty pieces of silver.

This is not a happy story yet but it will evolve into a beautiful ending that only God knows at the time. The quote at the end of today’s readings in the missal is fittingly from St. Patrick: I pray to God to give me perseverance and to deign that I be a faithful witness…to the end of my life for my God. Yes, I thought, this is a good prayer this day. I too would like to have perseverance and to be a faithful witness until the end of my life. This ended up being the theme of the day for me, and I wonder if I am a bit of a dreamer too.

My monthly visit with my social worker wandered in all sorts of directions as it can but the underlying emotion was peace which was much different than the month before. Despite being flat-on-my-back sick, I found rest for my soul. In those five days of illness, my spirit worked through a number of things.  As I returned to the outside world, I had much on my mind and heart and God responded with potential plans. I shared those with my social worker. Two years ago today was when I had my portal vein embolization (PVE) under the determined care of a dedicated interventionist who promised me he would not give up on me and he kept his word. I am acutely aware of all I have been through and all that is yet to come. As the therapist and I danced from topic to topic, I could see the twinkle in his eye. I wondered what he was thinking but did not ask.

We talked about suffering and how I had said that I am well to someone recently who challenged me on my response after I had asked him how he was.  He was well, ok.  I laughed and asked him what he meant.  He replied by asking me if I was really well.  My honest answer was that I was well and not suffering as the Buddhists would say.  I am sleeping well and I am not in physical pain.  I am not anxious. Therefore I do not suffer right now.  The social worker and I picked this apart even further because I worry this might change for me–that I will become anxious about certain events and people’s reactions and then I might suffer.  How did Joseph cope in his cell for so many years, wondering what had become of his family, especially his beloved father? How will family and friends respond to me as I become sicker?  How will I manage my boundaries about my needs? These are the potential hauntings that run through my mind as suffering spots.

Joseph had dreams to carry him through the challenges. I believe in dreams too. I pay attention to my sleeping dreams as I do not often remember them so when I do, I heed what they might mean.  I had one recently where I was driving in the pitch dark, unable to see anything and the friend who was with me finally yelled stop! That dream came during my illness and I think the meaning was that I could no longer barrel wildly along without taking time to discern my direction. I was endangering myself and others by my recklessness.

I left the therapist’s office and ran some errands.  As I parked the car, I finished listening to a new song by Mercy Me coming out later this month called Even If.  This heart-wrenching song has the troubadour realizing that after singing to heal people, his world is broken. His faith is small and he is hanging on by a thread. Yet, his hope remains in God.

I know You’re able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

The song includes these lyrics a bit later:

But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I have been there time and again on this crazy cancer adventure. It is well with my soul is one of my mantras. I love the honesty of this new song. I have placed myself in God’s hands and hoped in the Divine Mercy that I will find there. I remember being on the table during the PVE, barely hanging on without the pain medication that had faded away, my arms above my head tingling as they became numb after hours in that position. I sensed the frustration of the physician and I am sure he was cursing himself for promising me he would complete the process. Friday afternoon meant people just wanted to head home and start their weekend. The medical team was so kind and generous that I felt ministered to by angels. God could have made that mountain movable by flattening it in one fell swoop but instead heavy boulders were being removed at a snail’s pace. I received the strength to sing that all was well with my soul.

Joseph, sitting in that prison cell, forgotten and abandoned by his family, must have wondered if God was sleeping.

I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You’d just say the word
But even if You don’t
My hope is You alone

We do not understand God’s timing always or why some sorrows are not washed away, but even if they remain, our hope is in God alone. God did act for Joseph and I believe God is unfolding a plan for me too.  What it looks like for me is yet unseen. I do know that I dream of many things yet and on the days when I lose my centre or struggle to find peace, I still understand the even if. My hope is in God alone and all will be very well with my soul. Call me a dreamer if you must, but know I am happy in that company of the cloud of witnesses that have dreamed before me.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What if God does not move the mountain in front of you? What then?

How do dreams influence your decision-making?

Prayer

Dream-Maker, you place in our sleeping souls, images that allow us to say all is well with our souls. Even if you do not move all the mountains in ways that make sense to us, may our hope be in you. Let us cling to the smallest seeds of faith that remain in our sorrow and water them in song.  Allow us to persevere in order to be a faithful witness until the ed of our lives. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tree By Waters

Posted on March 16, 2017 by sstyves

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Blessed are those who trust in God, says Jeremiah 17, because they will be like a tree planted by water, sending out its roots by the stream. The leaves will remain green and even in a year of drought, it will not cease to bear fruit.  The tree is not anxious and if we trust in God, we too will bear fruit in the dry times.

Cancer fuels fear.  People who are living with the disease can easily lose their peace.  I am part of a forum for people who have the same type of cancer as me and I watch some folks crumble at various points in this adventure as can be expected.  Courage is not always possible. Some days the relentless voices of the anxiety and dread of what may come chip away at sanity. Scanxiety is real for most of us, myself included even if it is short-lived. To live in the moment sometimes means that we face the terrors that taunt us. News from the doctors can wear us down too.  The dynamics of dealing with disease can be exhausting.  Some days, a desire for the old normal is appealing, that time when everything was not about the illness.

However, if we trust in God, and send our roots out to the Life-Giving Water, we have a chance to keep our leaves green so to speak.  We can hope in the Great Physician who knows our future, who will provide all we need for the adventure, and desires for us not to be afraid. I continue to place myself in the gentle, loving hands of the Creator.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What wears you down and causes you anxiety?

How does trusting God change your reality?

Prayer

Plant me by your living waters, Great Physician, so that I may keep my leaves green.  In you alone do I place my trust. May I bear much fruit for you. Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

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Treasured People

Posted on March 11, 2017 by sstyves

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Before I begin this blog post I want to do a short public service announcement in regards to a book that just was released this week.  I first met Jarem Sawatsky when he was hardly an adult but I could sense this young man had much to contribute to the world.  As you know from my own journey, life turns out odd sometimes. Unfairly so, some would argue. One of the voices that I listen to and respect as I strap in for this great adventure I am on is his. He, like me, also has a terminal illness.  He also has a similar value base and I have appreciated his perspective.  You might too. Check out this link by clicking on the highlighted word and it will take you to his latest book. The book is also found on American, Australian and British Amazon sites, as well as a number of other readers if you prefer. It is selling very well already and I recommend it to you if you are caring or working with someone who is living with a terminal or chronic illness or if you yourself are. Thanks for  considering this book.

Today’s First Reading from Deuteronomy 26 in the Canadian version says that we are claimed by God as treasured people. In some ways, this is a perfect lead in to what has been rumbling around in my head since last night.  Many people are curious about an update and I have delayed in giving one, mostly because there is not one.  However,  for my own sanity’s sake I must respond.  As the doctors have always said in this past year, the tumours are continuing to grow.  The ones in the lungs are still fairly tiny–less than a centimeter. The ones in the liver are growing a little more quickly and are beginning to cause some discomfort but I am currently on no medications because I simply manage the short-lived aches in various ways. No new growths were found elsewhere. My major symptom continues to be fatigue which limits my outings and responsibilities in life. I try my best to manage the demands on my life. That is the quick and easy update.  The more complicated thoughts are below if you care to read on.

I cannot tell you the number of people who have asked me in the past few weeks if I am in remission. First of all, I understand the message behind the question which has to do with the fact that I am fully engaged in life from an outsider’s perspective and sigh, yes, I still look so darn good.  I know it is confusing.  Secondly, I am really grasping for grace here so that I may be one of God’s treasured people and not a lump of coal. I do not mean to be offensive or hurtful but rather instructional and honest.  Please bear with me as I try. I really should have written this earlier in the day.

Please do not ask me a question that you do not want to hear an honest answer to.  Am I in remission? That has a 50/50 chance of going well. Can you handle the answer that has never changed? I have tried to be honest and vulnerable all along but I am finding that people do not retain or take in what they do not want to hear.  Cholangiocarcinoma has a very low survival rate.  I was told from the very beginning that I would probably not survive. I have never been in denial about that. Yes, at times my world is incredibly surreal. I always thought that I would live until I was 99 or so. I am in pretty good health other than this crazy cancer issue, ironically.  I have always believed that miracles happen every day but my definition of a miracle may be different than yours.  I am not less of a Christian or a believer because I say that the cancer will kill me.  God can do an 11th hour save. I am open to that.  You can pray for that but please know that standing with me in my reality is much more helpful to me. If you do not want to know the hard bumps of this journey, please do not ask a question that will burst your protective bubble and make me feel like a villain.  The answer I give is that I am not in remission. In the awkward silence that follows, I try to look compassionate as the other person’s face crumples. I keep wondering if there is a better way to handle that question but I feel very much the same way as when people would congratulate me on being pregnant when really I was not. One way you can help someone is to follow his/her lead. If you need to ask questions, ask yourself how you would feel if you had to answer something. You may decide it is an off-limits question. We all say awkward things and I know this so I am not judging. I recently told one of my favourite seniors that despite the fact that his mind is going he looked so strong. I hated myself the moment the words were uttered and I have yet to apologize.

As I tossed and turned in bed this week, I thought about how I feel like I am graduating from high school again.  I loved high school–almost everything about it.  I loved the academics.  I adored the group of friends I hung out with, many of whom I am still connected with today.  I was not super popular but I was involved with many amazing opportunities. When graduation came and the valedictorian stood up to give the address, I was a mess. He was and remains someone who I care for and respect who I know would make me laugh and cry.  The reality that this part of life was ending and a new one beginning was exciting and yet I wanted to cling to the known pieces that I enjoyed.  I was happy to leave but sad to go as someone wrote in my yearbook. That is precisely what I am experiencing now. I am ecstatic about the life I have had and having done a graced history more than once, I am ever so grateful about the many blessings and challenges that I have endured because I see the connection between events that most people miss.  I am sad to go but I am happy to leave.  I am not afraid of death.  I want to be with my Beloved. When I read the Narnia tales years ago, the rapture scene stuck in my head.  I cannot wait for the day when Heaven opens its door for me and I see all of those amazing people who have gone before me.  Strangers who may have blessed or been blessed by me may be part of the welcoming crew.  Grandparents that I have never met and those I have will open wide their arms. Relatives, friends, mentors, colleagues, loved ones, and yes, perhaps even those that I never liked on this side of Heaven will celebrate my coming Home. All those angels and saints who have protected me and interceded for me will now rejoice in my joining them. I cannot even imagine what it will be like to meet the Trinity and Mother Mary yet I can tell you I am overjoyed to think I will.  I suppose I presume much on my part–and I do not mean to offend those who have a different concept of what happens but my God is not a Wall-Builder.

Christ worked for three years in the role that people would know him as for centuries.  His short life of 33 years was sufficient and fully spoken. A dear friend used to sign her correspondence to me with blessings until the word of your life is fully spoken.  Several people have said that I still have work to do and so I cannot be dying.  Clearly, we humans are slow learners. I have had two more decades than Jesus and somehow I suspect I am only doing now the real work that I must complete. I have given everything to the Trinity over the years, as I should have.  I am simply returning what was generously given in the first place.  As I have taken a leave from work and stepped off each committee one by one, I have let go with as much grace as I can muster.  The work I must do is both inner and outer.  I am listening carefully and trying to make wise decisions. I embrace the Principle and Foundation that I first read over a decade ago.  In sickness and in health, long life or short, I long to serve Christ. I will not cling to this life when Heaven is my Home. The work that I am doing on myself is healing.  The service that I render is still relevant. I am a treasured person and I will share that wealth with those who need it while I can.

At the moment, I am managing reasonably well without chemo which may or may not prolong my life. Chemo is not a cure for me. When I started chemo over a year ago, I was NED – no evidence of disease – after a remarkable surgery which involved dedicated professionals before, during and after. At the end of the six months of chemotherapy treatment, not only was there evidence that the cancer had returned but it had metastasized.  Almost 14 months ago, I was given a year to live. I had always told myself that I would surpass the grimness of those odds and continue to live an amazing life and serve an awesome God. I had also told myself that I would do chemo once because cholangiocarcinoma can be resistant to chemo and clearly in my case, that was true.  Why put those toxins in my body and risk dying of chemo instead of the cancer? I have declined further treatment at this moment.

My gratitude is overwhelming some days as you know if you have followed this blog.  Tears flow often and freely at the littlest miracles. I am often blessed by those who are also living with cancer/those who are cancer-free now and who understand in ways others do not. Some were not in my core group prior to becoming ill. God sends the right people at the right time usually.  Those people who are in this with me and who do not know the adventure firsthand but are real and vulnerable are such a gift.  Those who do not quite know how to manage their own fears and struggles but keep showing up anyway,  I thank you.  I know that you hate stumbling over your words and feeling small and helpless.  You.have.a.place.too.  Everyone who falls on the continuum has a place. You strangers who read this and comment with affirmation and prayers – I simply have no words to convey my appreciation that you would care to do such a thing.  I must only lift each one of you up in prayer in return, with joyous tears. In my daily prayers, I find myself both morning and night, giving thanks to those who pray for me and who have accompanied me during the day in whatever small way.  I do not always have the energy anymore to respond to emails, calls, or to spend time with everyone but none of you are very far from my heart.

This post has been more vulnerable than any I have written in awhile. More could be said but I am tiring as the hour is late.  Treasured people, I entrust it to you with faith and courage.

Blessings,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What do you do in awkward situations when you want information but do not know exactly how to ask?

What thoughts do you have about Heaven?

Prayer

Treasure-Maker, I thank you for the many gifts of my life. Create in me a heart that is kind and gracious for the remainder of my time. May I be a gem to those who I am with. Sand away the roughness and polish me until I shine brightly for you, dear One. Amen.

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Give Me Courage

Posted on March 9, 2017 by sstyves

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I have been out of commission most of this week with fever and chills. Now I have a hacking cough setting in.  I have slept away most of the week.  In my waking hours, at various odd times of the day such as 3 am, I have been thinking deep thoughts. In today’s First Reading from Esther, I resonated with Queen Esther who says she is alone and has no help but from God alone.  I have a host of people who are willing to help but I was simply too ill to make an effort. One of the trickiest aspects of being single is being sick and out of it.  I have had some weird dreams and spent some time wondering what it will be like when I am more and more unwell.

As if on cue, CancerCare called me today to ask if I had made a decision regarding further chemo treatment. However, in a Queen Esther moment, I believe God has been made known to me and given me courage.  I said I was not yet completely sure but I did not think I would undergo further treatment at this time.  In all these hours of silence which on one level had seemed so prayerless, my spirit had quieted enough to reach out without words to the One who knows my future. I heard myself respond to the nurse and then felt deep peace wash over me.  Courage had returned. The Gospel Reading from Matthew today is one of my favourites and has shown up at various points when I need an answer.  I had not read any of the daily readings this week and then here was this one tonight when I finally opened the missal. A confirmation of the rumblings that have been stirring for a couple of weeks.

This bug that came on suddenly has caused me to realize that I have some planning to do.   My H1N1 buddy moved away a few years ago and I never replaced him.  We were supposed to call each other if we were ever too sick to care for ourselves. Both single at the time, we promised that we would be in touch if there was a need.  By the time I was well enough to reach out to friends because I would not be attending a meeting on Wednesday, I was no longer alone. People reached out as they always do. I need to be a kinder person to myself but I need to have a smarter plan.

God responds to our moaning even when we are not sure that we are actually praying. I may not have called out strongly as Esther did but God still heard me.  As God has always done, a response and confirmation came. Now I must learn the lesson at the end of the Gospel today: do to others as you would have them do to you–except that I need to allow others to do to me what I would do for others.  I am going to need to work on that a bit better.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Have you ever had an answer to prayer that you realized you never thought you asked for?

What do you need courage for at this moment in your life?

Prayer

You will not give a snake when we ask for a fish, O Creator. You will give us courage and wisdom. You will hear us and answer us. You are with us each step. Thanks be to you, Holy One. Amen.

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Embraced

Posted on March 7, 2017 by sstyves

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The two women embraced

But spoke not a word

The emotion wrapped them tightly

Fear, sorrow, uncertainty, gratitude, love, courage

A deep understanding of all of it

Gathered up in an eternal moment placed in one another’s heart

Each painful path  different

and yet, in this moment, the same.

To be held silently, knowingly, is a great gift.

Peace,

Suzanne

 

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Alone in A Wild Place

Posted on March 2, 2017 by sstyves

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Yesterday, my cousin and I read together an Ash Wednesday meditation written by Sarah Parsons.  In it, she writes that Lent begins in the wilderness and that for the next 40 days we must go alone into a wild place and become fiercely honest with ourselves  in order to see the things we would rather not see about ourselves. The Psalmist pleads with God to create a new heart within. Perhaps that will be what this Lent is about for me.

In today’s first reading from Deuteronomy 30, the Lord sets before us life and death, blessing and curse, offering us the opportunity  to choose life so that we may live while we love God and hold fast to the teachings and commandments.  The Responsorial Psalm is blessed are they who hope in the Lord. The Gospel is from Luke 9: 22-25  in which Jesus tells his disciples that the Son of Man must suffer greatly.   Going into a wild place for me this Lent means looking at some dark patches with overgrown weeds. I want to be able to get my garden ready for the seeds that will be planted this Lent.  I want to choose life over death regarding some of my daily choices. I want to be one of those who are blessed because they hope in the Lord.  I want to learn from Jesus how to suffer with grace.

We all have in our minds images of people living with cancer. Oftentimes the stereotypical visual is a bald, skeletal figure  with sunken eyes and in great pain. Suffering is evident.  However, this is not the route for all people who die of cancer. Nonetheless , whichever way I must carry my cross, I will carry on with Jesus beside me.  The thought of suffering greatly is overwhelming for me and so I choose to stay in each moment, embracing life as it presents itself to me now.   The Buddhists would say that suffering is a mental exercise and not a physical one. Scripture concurs with this in many verses, suggesting that it is best to not worry about tomorrow.  This Lent I will not jump ahead but look at the work that needs yet to be done.

There are some wild places best to avoid and some wild beasts that should not be fed. Pride, fear, ego, temptation, and doubt may lead us unnecessarily to the edge of cliffs. These are not the wild places with which I need to wrestle. Those beasts are hungry and their fearsome growl distracts from the real work of growth that does not allow such animals to return when the core work is completed.

The wild place that I enter this Lent is based on the present moment. The wilderness I enter is one that needs my attention now.  I must go alone and face the terrors of the night. I must confront the demons that need to be banished from my life–judgement, unforgiveness, resentment, hard-heartedness, and hatred. This is the hard work of Lent that I choose in order that I may have life to the fullest in my remaining days.  Jesus will be there in the desert, never far from my heart and mind. He will be the one to show me my sin history and help me to make the changes that I need so that I may live in freedom.

I take a deep breath. I exhale. I adjust my glasses so that I may see clearly. I pray that I might be fiercely honest. I place my hope in the Lord.   I ask for the Trinity to accompany me and begin. Let the digging be deep and the good seeds be sown.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What is in the wild place that you must enter with fierce honesty?

What demons need to be banished from your life this Lent?

Prayer

Option-Maker,  you always give us choices. These 40 days I choose life. I long to dig out that which chokes me and does not allow me to grow beautifully.  The task is not an easy one, with so many distractions and so many beasts calling for attention. Keep my eyes on you alone, Holy One, in this wild place.   My hope is in you. Give me eyes to see what needs to be redeemed within me so that I may be free of all that holds me back from the goodness that you created me for.  Create within me a holy new heart. Amen.

 

 

 

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Dusty Hands

Posted on March 2, 2017 by sstyves

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At an acceptable time, Holy One,

You scoop down and mix

Earth dirt with Star dust

Creating a human that shimmers,

A soul meant to shine

Through the darkness

And brighten the world

Work of your dusty hands,

Joy of the Heavens.

When another acceptable time comes

You call that glimmering dust Home

Collapsing this body

Back into the finery we were

In your glittering fingers

Dust to Dust are we.

 

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Fat Tuesday

Posted on February 28, 2017 by sstyves

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Shrove Tuesday, or as it sometimes called, Fat Tuesday or Mardi Gras, is  the day before Ash Wednesday which marks the beginning of Lent for Catholics around the world and also for some Protestants.   Shrove Tuesday helps us to remember that we are entering what has traditionally been a solemn season of penance and almsgiving.  This was the day to party well and to eat as much fat and sweets as you could before giving it all up for 40 some days.

I learned today that the festival of Carnivale  meant in Latin “farewell to meat”.  Shrove Tuesday is often referred to as Pancake Tuesday because Christians would use up their eggs, butter and milk  in making items such as pancakes before the fasting began.

Shrove is the past tense of shrive  which  what is the process of  a priest hearing a confession, giving penance and forgiving sins.   Catholics are still required to make a confession prior to Easter.

This leads to the great discussion about what people give up during Lent. Over the years, more and more committed Catholics and Christians  desire a deeper experience for Lent. Rather than give up something like chocolate and then return to eating it after Easter, many are looking more for a life changing experience.  What is it that needs to be cleared from their life? What addictions or obsessions keep us bound instead of free? What is it that I really need to change so that I may follow Christ with all of my heart?

Yes, we can give up eating meat or sweets, but is that really the root of the addiction or sin that we need to deal with?  Sometimes people add a practice instead of removing a bad habit. Someone might add 15 minutes a day in prayer or commit to doing the daily Examen. Instead of playing games on the computer, a person might decide to do some spiritual reading.  You might seek out ways to do random acts of kindness over these 40 days. I have not yet decided exactly what it is I will be doing. I know that I want it to be fruitful and holy.  I do not want to just give something up – I want to give something lasting, something meaningful back to the world.

I look forward to eating well today and to partying with loved ones. I hope that as we enter Lent you are blessed beyond your imagination.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions 

How will you celebrate today?

What will you give up for Lent this year?

Prayer

Creator God, help us to look deep within us and see where we need healing and change. Guide us in our Lenten preparation. Let us enter the desert with hope and peace, knowing that you desire the very best in us to blossom. Amen.

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Roosting and Resting

Posted on February 25, 2017 by sstyves

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I find myself longing for beauty these days. The world turmoil is disheartening and I do not wish to be bogged down in nastiness and, quite honestly, petty smallness. I have enough real pain and sorrow in my life lately. Hence the reason for escaping my life for a brief encounter with beauty. I need to fill my reserves anew with joy and rest. I need to roost on the solid Rock for awhile.

I am in the land of a hundred eagles currently. A friend and I walked as I happily snapped some photos.  Eagles are such majestic creatures. Their piercing call is unmistakable. Their soaring is riveting. The sound of their wings whooshing overhead startling. I watched them perched in the trees, sitting on irrigation equipment, alighting on a house, and chugging down their prey.  At one point, I returned to a thought I had many years prior after hearing one unfurl its wings in flight. No wonder when an angel appears in the Bible, the words are Do not be afraid!  The sound is breathtaking and frightening at the same time. Breathtaking, as in when you inhale deeply because you are startled or amazed. Breathtaking, as when you exhale while saying holy crow!  Except that this is so much bigger than a crow. And yes, you even throw grammatical rules out the window in trying to articulate what awe has captured your soul.

I have also escaped to some of the people that I love most in the world. I need to roost and rest in good company. Two of the people I will spend time with help me to find my way back to the Rock where I can see with eagle-like vision my life and what I value. The other people that I will see are simply good for my soul and allow me to rest. I am glad to be here to rest and to roost for a bit.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Who allows you to rest and roost, regroup and recover?

What brings joy to your heart?

Prayer

I want to soar freely and lightly, unencumbered by the weight of this world. Let me rest on your Rock, the Rock that is solid and firm. Amen.

 

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Reprove Your Neighbour

Posted on February 20, 2017 by sstyves

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One of the things about dying is that I do not have time for games. I find myself sometimes biting my lip because of well-intentioned comments and trying to decide exactly how much grace I will need to get me through my last days.  I think I need to supersize my order or return to the well much more often than I count on.  This can be really tiring at times. I fail miserably, falling short of what I think I should be behaving like. Sainthood is far off in some moments.

On the other hand, I also believe that sometimes certain things can be said because I want to shine a light in a dark place. I proclaimed the First Reading tonight at mass as a last-minute substitute and each word seemed to strike me in the heart. The line that I have been thinking about even as I read it earlier in the day was you shall reprove your neighbour or you will incur guilt yourself.   Some days, I do just want to break through the craziness and call people on their stuff because I may not be able to procrastinate on saying what I might say in a different way at a later juncture.

For example, the other day in a group phone call, I challenged someone on a statement that was made because I believe it was untrue and I am tired of hearing the negative Nellie assessments.  The third person affirmed me.  I had not meant to start a kerfuffle but I suspect that I did.  What I really wanted to say to that person is leave me out of your negative perceptions about people whom I love and think positively about.   I did not manage that particular conversation well but I suspect that the person will think twice about the comments.

Other times though, I am clearer. I have challenged people on unhealthy behaviour or encouraged them to think about how their faith informs their discernment.  In a recent flurry of text messages, a friend asked me about a decision she was trying to reach.  I was very excited to see her looking at her life passions. I had in a sense reproved her earlier and in thinking about what I had said, she came back with a fabulous plan that was life-giving. She sought out my opinion because she knows that I love her unconditionally and will tell her if she is off-base.

Recently a dear friend told me a story that has really helped me to see my behaviour with new eyes.  In conflict resolutions studies, students are asked to move from judgment to curiosity. Ask why the situation is happening rather than decide without the facts. We do not always have all the information we need regarding our neighbours before we can reprove them.  What my friend said reminded me of this stance of choosing curiosity over judgment.  She had been to a conference where the speaker was fairly young.  The woman admitted to the participants that she needed to stop judging herself against all of the people who had years of experience in the field or in life. She needed to be patient with herself.  My wise and beautiful friend made an observation that I needed to hear.  As the “elder” in the audience, she heard it differently.  My friend needed to stop judging the young, upcoming folks who did not yet have the life experience that she did. In 2o or 30 years, these people might look more similar to what we want them to be like. By then, they would have bound up some of their woundedness,  strengthened fragile egos, nurtured relationships, had life-changing experiences, settled into their own souls, and learned to be their best selves. I told my friend that this was such an enlightening outlook that I was claiming it right along with her. Her gentle reproach to a story I had told has already had a remarkable metanoia effect on me.

We are a community and our best growth comes from helping each other stay on the good path. My neighbour and I must live together in harmony. We can learn from one another if we point to the way in which God desires us to live. God does not want us to stand by and watch as our neighbour falters. That is not an act of love.  As my friend who loves me dearly reached out to me tenderly and gently, so must we all love one another in ways that we want to be loved.  I would want someone to tell me if I was heading down the path to Hades instead of Heaven. In fact, more than ever this is important to me. I hope that I also find the courage to reprove my neighbours with love if I need to.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Have you been reproved for something that needs changing? How did you accept it?

Have you mustered up the courage to lovingly reprove a neighbour?

Prayer

Teach us, Creator, to walk in harmony with our neighbour, to look for their wisdom that may draw us closer to You.  Give us ears to hear what needs to be changed in our life for the sake of our souls. Grant us courage to speak the Truth to those who are faltering so that they may remain on the path of Goodness and Life.  Amen.

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