Grace Alone

This fall has been the strangest one health-wise in a very long time. I have visited the Emergency room every month since September. I have seen my new family doctor in this brief time more than I saw my former one in the whole year. It is frustrating. I joked with the lab tech that I should begin alternating arms due to the amount of blood she was withdrawing. Yesterday, I experienced a first–an early morning ride in an ambulance.

I awoke just before 5:00 a.m.and got up to go to the bathroom. I felt as if I was swimming in jello. My feet did not seem to touch solid ground; my head swirled. When I got back to bed, my heart was racing, my skin clammy and my face tingled. I wondered if I was having a heart attack. I thought for one brief moment and then I reached over, grabbed my phone and called 911. The paramedics arrived in due time, quietly without their siren blazing.

They hooked me up to a heart monitor, took my blood sugar levels, and asked me a whole bunch of questions. Blood sugars were good. My heart rate was also good….and then, the paramedic says, let’s do that again. She had seen some anomaly but in the end, said that can be normal too. She did however suggest that we go to the hospital which is how I found myself on a stretcher and being transported, again without sirens sounding, to the Emergency Room.

When I arrived not many other patients were there so I was pushed down long empty hallways for a number of procedures. Thankfully, I passed them all with flying colours, except for the fact that the first few nurses who took my heartbeat said they too have a heart like mine–that skips the odd beat. I was grateful that I now had more answers to what it is not but am still puzzled by what it is. I stand in God’s grace alone and pray for healing.

It is hard for me to feel stymied by health. I hate being a patient. This is Day 2 of hanging around the house, laying on the couch, watching all of the shows I had on my PVR, and reading. God’s grace has to be enough for me. I must learn to surrender and so I quietly pray and offer it up. This aging thing is not always fun. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired but know that God is my strength and I will move beyond these feelings of frustration.

Pray for me? I have lots of time to pray for you right now.



About sstyves

A Canadian prairie girl rooted in Ignatian spirituality, I seek God in all things. Whether I catch a glimpse of the Divine and delight in its presence in nature or in the beauty of an encounter with someone, I am ever so grateful that I can recognize the Creator. I greet each new day with hope and happiness, expecting blessings and miracles because I am created to praise, love and serve God. This blog is one way of realizing that through my writings, prayers, and photography. To God be the Glory!
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