Holes in Life

Sometimes life takes turns you do not see coming. That is my story. I have had this crazy amazing life, sprinkled with situations that are heartbreaking. I could have given up or become bitter. Self-pity might have taken a strong hold. Instead I find myself grateful for all that has been. That does not mean there are not holes in my heart or a longing to rearrange parts of my past. Simply put, I could not be me without everything that has happened to me. God’s grace has helped transform me into a strong, devoted creature. I could have chosen differently.

As I face another challenge, I am positive and trusting. I know that God is with me. I pray that I may have the grace I need to walk through the fire that is soon coming. I sense this journey may be the hardest one yet. Then again, I was only 20 when I was told I might never walk again. Six months of not walking on my own two feet ended with stepping out and proving doctors had healed me. That was a pretty trying and taxing experience. When my sister died suddenly, my world collapsed into a dark abyss. Twelve other people died that year. I kept putting one foot in front of the other as I gasped for air, believing that the madness had to eventually stop. Who could forget getting caught in Eastern Congo in a riot? I should have been horribly traumatized but instead the father of my host family in Bujumbura’s question about whether I had never been shot at before was a reality check. I had not lived through a genocide or civil war. I had survived less than 24 hours of an uprising in which there were no fatalities.

Here is this new hole in life that I stand before. I do not know the outcome of it. The best case is where I am keeping my eyes–a successful surgery, an uneventful recovery, and a continuation of a life that I hopefully will never take for granted. I will fill that hole with the prayers and blessings of all the people–loved ones and strangers alike–who have carried me through when I have been too tired. I will caress the battle wounds and appreciate the balm brought to me along the way. I will wait for the treasure that this box of darkness holds for me.

We have choices in life. I have always tried to seek the Light in the darkness because I know that the Light wins. I have always believed that the dark is not the absence of Light. Light shines in the darkness if we are paying attention….the stars, the moon, the Son….they all illuminate our paths. If I look for the shimmers of Light, I will find them–and sometimes, better yet, they will find me. I cannot let the holes be filled with darkness. I pour peace and love into them instead. From those holes will spring forth something new, something that holds promise. I choose goodness and hope. Some things in life are just not an option for me.



About sstyves

A Canadian prairie girl rooted in Ignatian spirituality, I seek God in all things. Whether I catch a glimpse of the Divine and delight in its presence in nature or in the beauty of an encounter with someone, I am ever so grateful that I can recognize the Creator. I greet each new day with hope and happiness, expecting blessings and miracles because I am created to praise, love and serve God. This blog is one way of realizing that through my writings, prayers, and photography. To God be the Glory!
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Holes in Life

  1. Janet Wilson says:

    😊. You, Suz are very …hole…whole…wholly…holy…completely, totally together…in the most “half full” kind of way. Your reflection of the Holy Spirit is both kind and free. Good on ya! Love Janet

    Sent from my iPhone


  2. Barb Nolan says:

    So beautiful!!! You are such a gift. Thank you for being light in the darkness for so many!!! Wishing you comfort and relief from the nerve pain. Mmy prayers continue Love you B

    Sent from my iPhone


  3. Karen Wheadon says:

    As Christopher Reeve once said….”once you choose hope, anything is possible” . Your faith, strong network of support, positivity and hope will carry you through in the days ahead.

    All will be well💜

    Sent from my iPad


  4. Monica says:

    I’m reading some of the older posts. This is a wonderful reflection. We all have holes in our lives. I like the imagery (and choice) of pouring peace and love into them.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s