I heard a line in a song today that made me stop what I was doing and repeat it out loud: I touched the sky when my knees hit the ground. I had to listen for the chorus again when it came around again: I found my life when I laid it down. Ah, paradox. What do we do with Truth that resonates deep within? Do we let it penetrate our soul or do we ignore it?
I have had such an interesting day reflecting on a myriad of topics. Tonight as I prepare to do my Examen my mind is flitting through my day with a grateful heart. I awoke with a mission. I have been reading this beautiful manuscript from a friend that has been a pure gift. After a couple of late nights, I had decided to finish it this morning. I knew I was close to the end though on my iPad I did not know exactly how many pages I had left. I was prepared to read it all if I could, even though I had a busy afternoon. I settled in and opened my heart for what was to come.
The story has caught me on several levels since I started it and this morning I found myself weeping for several reasons. Today’s Gospel of Matthew 7 talks about taking the log out of your own eye before bothering to remove the speck in your neighbour’s. The novel has as one of its themes forgiveness. I have been thinking about this topic since yesterday when I briefly behaved badly at a family gathering. It is so easy to cast blame but not own our own stuff. The protagonist in the book made me realize forgiving this person in my life is possible and necessary.
One of the other mysteries that the book made me grateful for was how the Divine infuses our daily lives if we let it. Women and children, in particular, know this, but we do not always trust ourselves to act on it. I know too many female friends who wonder if their lives mean anything, if they have indeed found their God-given purpose. Perhaps because I feel as if there is a stop watch madly ticking right now, I keep returning to the question of whether I have fulfilled that purpose or if there is still something God wants me to do.
I actually had the oddest conversation about this last night after church with a guy I have sort of known for years. When I asked him how he was doing his response was something like he was keeping one step ahead of the worms. During our brief chat, he wondered about whether he had done what God had wanted him to do. In this novel that I was reading, the protagonist does find exactly what it is that God wants her to do. The thing is that everyone else does not really want her to do it because it comes at such a great cost. That is when one must hit the ground, allow our knees to carry us to heaven and rest there a while. Ultimately what others want is not as crucial as what God wants for our lives. We find our lives when we lay them down for the sake of the Kingdom. We will only find that path when we are our on knees.
What draws you to your knees? Who needs your forgiveness right now? What log must you pull out of your own eye?