Shut Up & Dance!

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My God has always been a God of surprises who does not always use the traditional means to get my attention. Sometimes it is not Scripture readings but nature in the form of a bunny or crow. Today was no different. God used a song to shake me up and get me back on track. Despite the good news, I have crashed a bit. I have been plugging along for six months now and may have depleted some of my energy to maintain a positive attitude. I also have been so intent on getting through that it is only now that I am beginning to process all that has happened.

I had to get up early for a dentist appointment and I was tired. En route, I saw the police cruisers and tape. I glanced down at the sidewalk by the yellow tape and saw the pool of blood. My heart sank. I had heard about a knife attack on the radio at a popular outdoor patio but had not caught the details. I do not know the outcome as I write this but there was quite a bit of blood. I shook my head, remembering the stabbing victim on my unit in the hospital. Violence has to end. Life is too precious to throw away in a moment of anger. As I arrived at the dentist’s office, I tried to shake my sadness.

As I sat in the chair, the hygienist asked if there were any changes to my health. I had not been expecting that question and I slammed into the wall of my new identity. The hygienist was behind me and she could not see my face. After what seemed like more than a moment, I slowly replied: Yes. I have had major surgery..on my liver. A liver resection. That was all I could divulge. I could not bring myself to say cancer. It surprised me but I knew if I did that I might start crying and I did not want that. She asked if I was on any pain medications and the date of the surgery. Still out of view she said that she hoped I was recovering well. I forget what she asked me but my response was that I was waiting to hear about radiation. That was the closest I could come to disclosing my situation. I had not pre-planned a discussion about being a cancer survivor but now I will have to give that some thought.

The rest of the appointment was rather uneventful. From there I went to a meeting to discuss my back-to-work plan. My employer has been very supportive and yet I still felt vulnerable discussing my health issues. I am still too physically and emotionally fragile to return to work. My manager was supportive and continued to encourage me to take the time I needed. I headed to mass before coming home. I could not shake a tired sadness that was clinging to my soul.

I listlessly flipped through email and saw that Busted Halo had sent Song of the Summer picks. I clicked on one of the links. Even though it is not a Christian song, I heard the voice of God say to me in Walk The Moon’s hit: Oh don’t you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me. I said you’re holding back. She said, ‘Shut up and dance with me!’ What did you say, God? Yes! I am keeping my eyes on you, as I shut up, got up and danced wildly.

Reflection questions:

After a trying time followed by a brief celebratory elation, have you experienced desolation?
What pulled you back to consolation? Where did you find God?

Peace,

Suzanne

About sstyves

A Canadian prairie girl rooted in Ignatian spirituality, I seek God in all things. Whether I catch a glimpse of the Divine and delight in its presence in nature or in the beauty of an encounter with someone, I am ever so grateful that I can recognize the Creator. I greet each new day with hope and happiness, expecting blessings and miracles because I am created to praise, love and serve God. This blog is one way of realizing that through my writings, prayers, and photography. To God be the Glory!
This entry was posted in #CancerSurvivor, #Consolation, #Desolation, #Miracles, #prayer, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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