Trees have always spoken to me This one caught my attention in the earlier part of the day when the sap sparkled in the sunshine. This afternoon in the shade, I returned. As I stood looking out at the sap frozen in its place, I wondered what comes out of us, the deep core of our being. I have been very aware that I have not cried much these past eight months through my diagnosis and illness. Instead, the called upon emotion was courage. I just had to get through this step and then gear up for the next one. I had to armour up for this scan, this test, the vampires in the lab, this procedure, and the surgery. Once I made it through that, I concentrated on recovering well. When all that was accomplished, I could begin to breathe again and that is when the gift of tears finally arrived, three months after surgery. Almost anything will set me off: gratitude, joy, frustration, disappointment.
When the decision to proceed with chemotherapy was made, I was even more fragile as I let go of more dreams and hopes. I have rummaged around a bit to see where I packed up my bravery but I have not located it all yet. Instead the gift of tears remains. At my treatment session yesterday, I began to cry as the drugs made my hand feel as if someone had slammed down a sledge hammer on it. My particular cocktail does sting apparently but it should not hurt that much. I could feel my frustration grow as I tried to explain to the nurse that I usually tolerate pain well but this was not the case with my first two treatments. I was embarrassed by my tears and wish I could have more grace. The nurse assured me that all was fine but as I reached for the tissue to wipe away my tears, I knew I was frustrated. I took a deep breath, clenched the hot face cloth in my hand, and offered up the discomfort.
When I stood before this gorgeous tree this morning, I could see that this bleeding tree’s sap shone in the light. These tears it was weeping were stunning as they sparkled, as if redeemed by something greater than itself when what was deep within spilled out for others to see. Nature has always taught me valuable lessons. I think this might be another one of those moments.
What lessons have your learned from the natural world that have helped you with a struggle or joy?
Have you ever shared a struggle that helped others see the glory of God?
You transform us
From our cores out
Splashing glitter even on
Our broken parts
To use for your glory.