I have not been able to write my daily blog posts lately. The third week in my chemo cycle is a bit of a kick to the curb. Physically, I feel the most unwell and mentally, I find myself exhausted. My energy goes into resting and staying positive.
I stand in awe of what some patients can endure with these treatments. I look around at people in the other chairs and most of them seem to have longer infusions that take a toll on them. I applaud the staff who stay cheerful as we struggle at times or look unwell. They are saints. I was saying to my social worker this week that I do not think I am doing anything extraordinary with handling the chemo–I just do it because I have to. He reminded me that the extraordinary appears in the ordinary. I have been mulling this over since seeing him and realize that yes, there is something great required here and I must be grateful for grace and for the prayers that carry me through.
I plod along and realize that next week I am at the halfway mark. Three months are done and three months are left. The whole experience still feels a bit surreal to me. Last night I lay in bed thinking about all I had been through and I could feel the weariness in my mind and body. I still think that I have somehow let my body down and been unable to protect it on some levels but that I can still offer it compassion. Perhaps that is an odd thought as most would suggest that my body has let me down but I see it working so hard to get and stay well. Today I went to a physiotherapist who does release work and my body responded beautifully to her healing touch. At times, it shuddered and then let go, relaxing in the strength that was being restored. As my therapist’s hands became warmer, my body would feel cold and I would shiver. Healing was happening.
Our bodies are our temples. They need to be treated well. They house our minds and spirits which need a safe place to reside. May this body continue to heal with the prayers of those who hold me and may I be a good landlord, allowing it to rest and recover.
What is the state of your temple today?
Have you had an experience of trauma to your body? How has it healed?
send your healing light
to my core being,
cleansing the trauma and the turmoil
of my mind, body and spirit.
Restore me to complete health
and allow me to shine forth that
light that has permeated me.