I woke up early this morning–early by my standards on this journey. In trying to listen to a song from David Bowie’s new release, I somehow stumbled into my playlist instead and came across a couple of songs that were a pure gift for me. Thank God for technology, even when it does not behave according to our wants. It did fill my needs this morning. I had had a roller coaster day recently, trying to fill out forms for long-term disability which meant I had to look at the worst case scenario for me. What if chemo did not work? What if I cannot return to work? What if, what if, what if? The question can haunt you if you let it. I try not to let it.
Today’s lack of techno-savviness (yes, I realize that is probably not a word) led me right to where God desired me. On my playlist I have two very different songs that bring me peace. Well, I probably have more than that but this morning Natalie Grant’s In the End had me bopping around. You can give it a listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLHe0W9Q1Rk . I had spoken to a friend out in British Columbia last night who reassured me that there was no worst case scenario for me. I agreed. This is the stance that I have always taken. As much as I want to live, I still win if I do not. As believers, we all win in the end. Our forever is sealed, Natalie sings. All the cliches that have been offered to me in this past year still point in good directions and my eyes have never left my Saviour.
The second song is by Peter Mayer, Holy Now. As I begin to look forward in life, I wonder how these past 12 months will change me. This song says it best. For a long time, I have looked for the every day miracles in life but now I hope that I will see more clearly that everything is holy now. I love the lyrics to this song. The song is here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfLI1l_Pda4 and these words challenge me:
So the challenging thing becomes
Not to look for miracles
But finding where there isn’t one
A part of me never wants to take for granted anything any more. I recently was out at a retreat house for a couple of nights while the owners were away. When one of them asked me how I had spent the morning, I replied that I had sat in the rocking chair for about 30 minutes after my prayer time, observing the sunlight glint on the snow. I breathed in deeply as the light turned snow into shiny gems as it danced across the yard. We hardly make time to watch the Gift before us. I want to make time.
Everything is holy now. What a Gift we have if we can begin to understand that. We would win here and now. We would win any way we look at the what if questions.
Which what if question is tormenting you these days? Can you surrender it to God?
If you truly understood that everything was holy now, how would that change your day-to-day living?
What if, God, we understood that we win? What if we grasped that everything was holy now? The glint of light on snow diamonds, the brilliant red of fallen leaves, the smell of freshly baked bread, the laugh of a child, the conversation with a colleague, the chance to serve You every minute of every day should bring us to our knees in adoration. Help us to understand, Creator, that we win. Amen.