Blessed be God who has blessed us in Christ Jesus with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, Paul writes in Ephesians 1. He continues, saying that God has made known to us the mystery of God’s will with all wisdom and insight, so that at the fullness of time,  God will gather up all things in Christ.  I am not sure that the mystery of God’s will is clear to me, but I do believe that God will gather me up when the fullness of my time has come.

Sometimes on this adventure, I am overwhelmed. This morning my cell phone had run down its battery and so I plugged it in. A mere five minutes later it rang–which does not happen often. Most people text me.  When I picked up, a resource teacher that I used to work with cheerily greeted me. As she spoke, my brain went to that place: she does not know that I am not working any more.  I am going to have to tell her and ruin her day. I did so and that happy voice disappeared. A second of silence and then the pain-filled words formulated a question. I had known her a long time and so I was honest without being brutal. Ugh! I thought. Another resource teacher will find a moment to sit and be filled with sorrow at this news. The first time I told one of my favourite resource teachers when I was initially diagnosed, she went into her principal’s office and wept. The mystery of God’s will is not so clear to many of us with this and so many other unexpected turns in the road.

I am also not convinced that it is God’s will but I do suspect that God is at work here. These are theological questions too challenging for the likes of me. When I stood before the tomb of St. Clare in Assisi and found myself sobbing uncontrollably, I did not know what it meant until the diagnosis came months later. God was showing me what was ahead. Was it God’s will or simply the fact that God knew what I would be facing and wanted to assure me that the Holy One was with me? I do not believe in a magic-wand God. I do believe in a God of miracles and the power of prayer and spiritual blessings. All along the way, God was revealing glimpses of what was to come and what I would need.

Blessed be God still flows from my innermost being. I do not think I need to crack the code to know the mystery of God’s will. I think I must simply admit that God is the Creator and I am the creature who will be used to glorify God in some ways if I trust. I have not asked why me, only why not me? I have no special privilege or place of honour among anyone else. I do not feel entitled. There is no life line that I can use to dodge the outcome. There are many life savers along the way that I gratefully accept. I will take each spiritual blessing that arrives and walk this path with as much grace as I can. I know that this in God’s good hands and that is enough. I will let the Mystery remain so and appreciate that for the gift it can be.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Can you raise your voice in praise Blessed be God who has blessed me?

Are you able to stand in the Mystery of God’s Will and be at peace?

Prayer

Praise be to your, Creator God, from your humble creature. Thank you for your many blessings. May I stand in the Mystery of your Divine Will and know peace. Amen.