Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you an accounting for the hope that is in you, is the second line from the Second Reading today. I had read it earlier in the day and it did not really resonate with me. I went to the hospital and sat with my dad who called me by name for the first time since this mysterious illness started. He was fairly lucid today. He had not had a seizure at breakfast and he would not have one at lunch. He ate more than I had seen in a long time, allowing me to feed him graciously. He slept after lunch and I took the opportunity to nap too.
The day was emotional. We placed a videocall to my brother and his wife and he called them by name too. He could not unfortunately remember anything from the past two weeks today though. He knew where he was but he was not sure why. He asked me several times. I patiently explained and had the nurse tell him one time. I am pretty sure it feels fairly surreal to him. The memory loss may well be from the medication but it could also be from the seizures. Time will tell. He is still very tired.
I came home and rested a bit before heading to church. During the reading I heard those words from 1 Peter 3 and thought exactly. Cling to hope and know that God has this too. The music at mass tonight brought me comfort a few times. I felt a strong need to sing praises despite the frustration that is trying to settle in. I have just called the hospital for an update and he has been fine. This appears to have been a no-seizure day, the first since his admission two weeks ago. As well, friends have sent encouraging emails and texts. One of the followers of this blog, wrote a beautiful comment on a previous post that heartened me. I will take these small gifts as they come and thank God for mercy.
Hope is a fragile gift but a precious one that I believe in. Finding God in all things is a challenge some days but I keep coming back to my faith and knowing that God is here in our midst, even when we struggle with our situation. I cannot live my remaining days believing anything else but my truth regarding my faith. The protection of God is always there, St. Catherine of Labouré reminds me. My graced history tells me this is true. I am placing Dad in God’s good hands and trying to trust that all shall be well for him. I feel hopeful and that is all I need right now.
Would you be able to make an account for hope in your life?
What signs of hope have you seen this week?
Great Physician, you hand us hope when we need it. May we sing your praises even when we have no strength left, even when we are bewildered, and especially when doubt tries to crowd out your presence. Keep our eyes on you, O Hopeful One. Amen.