What is Truth?

Posted on March 25, 2016 by sstyves

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Today we move from serving to suffering and back to serving. After last night’s footwashing, we go to the cross as we listen to the great story of Good Friday. We stand in the paradox of something horrible being labeled as Good. Did God who created the world and said it was good, now look down on the Son suffering his death on a cross and say it was good? Did God weep that it had come to this? Did the Creator nod and half-smile, knowing that Good was about to break through and change lives forever despite what could be seen with human eyes? John says at the end of his Gospel that he is testifying to the truth as if knowing that we may balk at believing the unbelievable.

What is truth? Pilate demands of Jesus when he interrogates him. Truth is hard to pin down. Your truth may not be my truth. Two people at one event may view what transpires differently. Two friends looking back at a memory may disagree as to what exactly occurred. We do not know what the real truth is because both people may have strong feelings about their rendition. We see even the argument in the Gospel story between the chief priests and Pilate about what to write as an inscription for the cross. How did people want to tell the story of Jesus. Clearly, John as the Gospel writer could foresee that people would have different stories. John himself stresses certain events differently than the other Gospel writers.

The truth is also cultural. I happened to learn something about the story that I had not known until today. A mother makes a seamless garment for her son as he leaves home. That insight was powerful for me as I am sure Mary would have watched the soldiers cast lots for it. A garment of love not destroyed but gambled over. What seems like unimportant information holds great truth. With our 21 Century eyes, we do not see the depth of meaning held in the seamless garment.

Joseph of Arimathea may have told a tale to his circles that differed from Nicodemus. What did Pilate say later to people, on his death bed, looking back over his life, about this Jesus that was crucified and whose body disappeared from the tomb? Our truths are our own. No one can take them from us. However, we can pray that God will show us the Truth of a story for our lives.

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We can choose to believe the story of the Good Friday and Easter or not. I for one do believe in its Truth. Jesus lived amongst us, was crucified and died. The rest of that Good story is coming tomorrow and the day after. The Footwasher became the Suffering Servant who died so that we might have Eternal Life. That is a True story that I long to hear every year.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What is your Truth about Good Friday?

When God looks upon Jesus on the cross what happens for you? Pray with this image.

Prayer

Footwasher, you have tread the road to Calvary and left your blood to mark the path. You set an example of cleaning our dirty feet and then you took the cross, carrying the weight of our sins to the hill. They stretched out your hands and crucified you. Right to the end, you showed us how to serve. May we know the Truth of this story deep in our souls. Amen.

 

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Serving Until the End

Posted on March 25, 2016 by sstyves

IMG_20160324_213241 I’m not sure why I always have a visceral reaction when I walk into the church on Holy Thursday and cannot dip my hand in the holy water.  I feel startled when I see that there is no water.  I feel disoriented. It is a foreshadowing that I am about to enter something different, something that should rock me to the core. The Triduum has begun. Are we ready for what is to come?

The Gospel story of the washing of the feet is a truly beautiful example of serving until the very end.In the Second Reading of 1 Corinthians 11, we are told how Jesus instituted the Last Supper–This is my Body that is for you….Do this, in remembrance of me. The footwashing in John 13 is the complementary action to the Synoptic Gospels’ Last Supper. Both are an act of love, a supreme act of service. Both are an example of how we are to live our lives.

If we truly are paying attention to the readings, we should have another visceral reaction. We should be startled that the Lord of the Universe is stooping down to wash our dirty feet.We do not really understand the intimacy of this act unless we have had someone wash our feet. Most of the time, our feet are clean when we do this ritual. They do not have the dust of our lives visible. I have only had my feet washed once by a priest and once in a ritual of service on a retreat weekend I was at. In the later event, the team did not know it was going to happen and there was no time for prettifying our feet–no pedicures, no de-odouring, and no hiding the warts. Both times were meaningful but still we may miss the fact that really, footwashing is not about us. It is about Jesus giving us an example of serving humbly right to the bitter end.

When the cancer within me had metastasized to the point where nothing more could be done, I remember saying to close friends that I wanted just to continue living out my last days in service. Tonight I realized that this is what Jesus did. I thought I knew this fact, but tonight, I really understood it. A number of people have remarked that I keep serving–being a lector, acting as a Eucharistic minister, praying for people, visiting those in prison, heading committees, spending time with my ailing parents. I do not know of anything more I would rather do. I want to serve until my last breath. Tonight I understood why for the first time. I do this in memory of Jesus. I do this because Jesus gave me an example.

Even tonight, after the service, I chatted with someone who will come into full communion with the Catholic Church on Saturday at the Vigil. This person was feeling unworthy. We were in close proximity to the stunning stained glass window I posted a few days ago, of St. Ignatius at the river in Manresa.  I asked this person if they knew the story. I explained that in a week I would be there in the same place. I would first go to Montserrat where Ignatius would lay down his sword and his former life–just like we all must do when we follow Christ. We are not all born saints. Some of us have pasts that seem more tainted than others. God will love us anyway. In fact, God sent Jesus to redeem us and to make us all worthy. Contemplate on St. Ignatius, I offered, giving a farewell hug. Ignatius took service seriously. He is a good example of the Example.

Earlier in the day, I had a conversation with one of the health professionals who has been part of my team for years as I dealt with chronic pain issues. He has served me beautifully as a practitioner and as an advocate. He has been a cheerleader for me too. He had sent me a beautiful card after my surgery. I left it up for months, touched by the encouraging words both on and in the card.  He had not seen me in over a year and he had not heard the news about the return of my cancer. At the very end of my session, he admitted that he was very angry that I should not continue to live a life of service. Some people squander their lives but I, in his perspective, did not. I lay on the heating pads in the darkened office crying. I have said it before, but I truly have no idea the impact of my life on people. I have been so blessed by this professional. I am deeply touched by his words. I managed to pull myself together before the staff came to retrieve the heating pads.

So many of my friends have said how much the news sucks. I agree that it does. I had wished for much more time and had big plans on how to serve God after my retirement. Instead I look for ways to serve God now, in small everyday ways, getting my feet dirty and knowing that Jesus waits to wash them. As much as having my plans curtailed is disappointing, I also know that on some levels this does not suck. That is the paradox of our faith. In 33 years, Christ led a full and precious life. So have I. I will continue to live fully until I draw my last breath. Tomorrow we fully enter the Passion. I will have a visceral reaction to the story. I pray you do too. Christ’s body is broken for us. We are worthy and we are called to serve until the end, in remembrance of Jesus.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What are you doing to serve as Christ did?

As you listen to the readings this Triduum, what startles you most?

Prayer

Barefoot Christ, you wash the dust off our souls, purify our spirits, and call us worthy. May we follow you into the world and serve those in need of your hands, your compassion, your mercy. Let us remember you in daily, humble acts, in unexpected conversations, and in ordinary moments. Help us to follow the example you set out for us. Amen.

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What Will You Give?

Posted on March 24, 2016 by sstyves

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Judas Iscariot is one of the lead players in today’s Gospel.  What will you give me if I betray Jesus? he asks the chief priests. The first part of the question struck me today as something I do not ask others–what will you give me? I do not often go there even in my head. This–what is in it for me–attitude rarely crosses my mind. I do not need 30 pieces of silver for myself. I will more often wonder what is in this for the greater good?

As we approach the Passion and the Triduum, my mind turned to Mary. I am sure she did not ask herself what was in it for her. She may have wondered too what her yes meant for the world, not for herself. She loved her Son and knew that her heart would be pierced.

Judas is a lost soul on some levels. He betrayed Jesus for personal gain. Later in the story, we see that he uses an intimate act of a kiss to identify Christ to those who will arrest him. He is still striving to maintain his sense of power. Mary, on the other hand, has no power. A widow, she has given her life for her Son, following him wherever he went, even right to the cross.

Jesus and Mary teach us another way of looking at the world. We should not be asking what we will receive for something but what can I give. We see this in Week Four of the Exercises. Because I have already been given so much, what can I give in return? There is no seeking for gain, but rather giving for the greater good. May we keep our eyes fixed on Jesus and Mary as models for our walk in life.

Reflection Questions

What question do you ask of Christ? Are you looking to get or give?

What deed have you done for the greater good lately?

Prayer

Jesus, you gave completely, never once asking what is in it for you. May I too be like you and risk everything for the greater good. Amen.

 

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Betrayal Crosses

Posted on March 22, 2016 by sstyves

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The cross represents all the love of God,which is greater than our iniquities and our betrayals. In the cross we see the monstrosity of man, when he allows evil to guide him; but we also see the immensity of the mercy of God, who does not treat us according to our sins but according to his mercy. ~ Pope Francis

This half of the world awoke again to a horrific bombing in Europe by terrorists, an act that demonstrates the monstrosity of humanity when evil is our guide. Holy Week leads us to betrayal, the cross, and beyond to Love. Betrayals cross lines. Betrayals impose the cross. Betrayals, such as the one today in Brussels, bleed. They do not have the final word though.

The cross is first and foremost a tangible sign of the love of God. In the Gospel reading today from John 13, Jesus is betrayed by Judas. As he gathers with his friends for the last supper, Jesus, we are told, was troubled in spirit, as he announced that one of those gathered would betray him. Jesus tells Judas to do quickly what he must do. I had this image of ripping off a bandage in one rapid motion as opposed to tugging it off little by little. Somehow that is supposed to make the pain less intense or shorter in duration. Did it work, I wonder, with this betray? Was it less painful to have it done so quickly? Was it a different hurt than listening to the cock crow once, twice, thrice?

Betrayal seeks to destroy people at some level. I think betrayal is also about protecting one’s own interests. For Judas, those desires were different than Peter’s and thus the motivation to betray came from a different place. Self-interest over self-preservation; greed over fear.

When we turn instead to the love of God, we see different outcomes too. Judas, unable to reconcile what he has done, commits suicide. Peter weeps with shame and then accepts the mercy and love of Christ which allows him to continue to serve God. The mercy of God is what frees us from bondage. Once we see how generous God is we can move forward.

We are all capable of betrayals. We also have a choice of how to then repent and turn to God for mercy and love. May we always be wise and humble enough to admit our wrongs. May we also let the love and mercy we are shown be reflected back into our world in need of healing. I pray for our hurting world this Holy Week that the monstrosity of evil not win but rather that Love woos us back.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Is there a betrayal that you are still grappling to forgive? What mercy can you show?

Look at the cross this Holy Week. Love hangs there. What do you need to say to Love?

Prayer

The road to Calvary is paved with betrayals. Help us to forgive those who have hurt us. Let us instead of being bitter, be better. May I default to your love and mercy rather than my anger and hatred, knowing that I too stand in need of this.  Woo me back, Jesus.  Amen.

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Taken by the Hand

Posted on March 22, 2016 by sstyves

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Today’s First Reading from Isaiah 42 has God saying I have taken you by the hand and kept you.  That is a rather lovely image, isn’t it?  Perhaps you have experienced the hand of a loved one in yours, comfortable, tender, and joyous? Can you imagine what it would be like to have God be the One whose hand is grasping yours? I took great delight in those words when I read them.

I have spent some of the evening booking hotels in Spain for my trip. I am breathing much easier now and can start to look forward to what is to come. I cannot wait to hold hands with God in these holy places!! I had lunch with a friend of mine who did the Camino in the fall. While I will not be walking this famous pilgrimage site, I will eventually find myself in the town of Santiago. She has me very excited to be part of the town, the food, the Cathedral, and the overall holiness of the great cloud of witnesses that I will be joining.

I know many of you are wondering where exactly I am going. I will be going initially to Montserrat where St. Ignatius laid down his sword before the Black Madonna and Manresa where he wrote the Spiritual Exercises and had an encounter with the Divine. I will travel eventually to Loyola before heading to Santiago. I am still working out the rest of my trip but I will finish in Barcelona with friends.

I must admit to some stress about this trip. I am aware that I am not the Suzanne that usually hits the ground running and explores every little nook and cranny but despite lower energy levels, I am quite excited about walking in the footsteps of St. Ignatius. Now comes the surrendering of the journey. I will place my fears and health in God’s good hands and walk beside this Creator who longs to spend some holy time with me. That part I long for in ways that I cannot express. To be able to stand at the heights of a mountaintop and absorb the beauty of what I see thrills me. To that moment, I will add the image of God’s hand clasped in mine, standing together, soaking it all in. No words are necessary. Love speaks abundantly.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Can you imagine that God holds your hand and keeps you?

What if at every moment, you could feel God’s hand in yours, comforting and calming you? What might change for you?

Prayer

Take my hand, Creator-God, and let me relish in the knowledge that you hold the entire world in those palms. You also choose to clasp my hand and never let it go. May I never try to wriggle out of your grasp. Keep me, Lord, keep me there. Amen.

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In the Shadow of the Cross

Posted on March 20, 2016 by sstyves

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Palm Sunday is an odd event emotionally. We witness two Gospel incidents that are juxtaposed during one mass–a triumph celebration and a horrific death, both of one man. As listeners to the Word, we go from a high of singing hosannas to a low of shouting crucify him! The one who brought ecstatic joy now is rejected and reviled.  Even during the entry into Jerusalem, we stand in the shadow of the cross, knowing where this all will lead.

Few of us embrace the cross. Some crosses are huge and heavy; others are lighter and bearable. Jesus is our mentor in picking up the cross given. He is the model on how to approach it. Today we learn some valuable lessons in the readings.

In the first Gospel reading of Luke 19, I was struck by a couple of concepts. The first is that Jesus knows that which he needs must be untied. In this case it is a colt but I could not help but think how we must be untied too from all that binds us in unhealthy ways, all that which keeps us stuck and fearful, and all that needs to be freed before we can do the will of God. May we know in the untying that the Lord needs us, just as he needed the colt. Without it, we tie his hands and then that he cannot do what is necessary, even if it is painful.  The Pharisees try to tie those gracious hands by demanding that he order his disciples to stop as they parade into Jerusalem. Jesus will not have any of it.

The other thing that spoke to me is how we think we understand the mysteries of God but clearly in this reading we do not. How often do we celebrate something that holds greater meaning than we know? Later we look back and acknowledge that we could not have predicted such a different outcome. We get caught up in the moment. I do not think this is a bad reaction. We must celebrate moments of life as they present themselves.  We do not always need to know how the story will end. At times, it is better to stay in the moment.

The second Gospel is the passion reading. Jesus gathers with his friends for a final meal, sharing bread and wine, giving thanks, and sitting together in the ever-growing shadow of the cross. The new covenant is established. Christ will soon be betrayed and abandoned. The mystical plan is falling into place and no one understands. The disciples fall asleep, just as we do when circumstances are too much. An angel stops by to add strength to Jesus in his time of prayer. We may be enveloped in that dark shadow but we are never alone.

The action shifts as Judas greets Jesus with a kiss–an intimate betrayal occurs. Another disciple uses violence which Christ curtails, touching the severed ear of the slave and healing it. Peter flees in fear, denying the One he loved. Somehow he manages to find enough courage to follow at a distance and to remain within the eye of the storm. His eyes may never have left his Saviour but it is not until their eyes meet that Peter truly knows his sin and failings. We all respond differently to the crosses that others must bear.

Christ is ridiculed and mocked. Not everyone believes he is who he says he is. Nasty shouts arise. As if a struggle is not enough, sorrow is added to the cross by those who deny what Jesus has done. In the film, Miracles from Heaven, someone in the congregation refuses to believe the Beams’ story.  When I saw it, some members of the audience reacted in disbelief at the comments made, but I know firsthand how people say things without thinking through the words that are being spoken. I too have said hurtful comments.

We know the end of this part of the story. Christ is crucified but not before leading several people to salvation–one of the criminals killed with him and a centurion. Right up to our dying breath, we have a purpose and it remains for me to love, honour and serve God.  When it is all over, the faithful women, a righteous man, and even Pilate in surrendering the body to Joseph, pay their respects for this Jesus who has moved beyond the shadow of the cross to the grave. The story is not finished yet though. Surprise endings are the best.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What remains from your Lenten journey that can be untied and used for God’s glory during this Holy Week?

What story is unfolding for you that requires trust and patience?

Prayer

Untie me, Jesus! You have need of me in ways I do not comprehend but I surrender to your plan. Blessed be your holy name now and always. Amen.

 

 

 

 

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Miracles Abound

Posted on March 19, 2016 by sstyves

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This stained glass piece is of St. Ignatius at the River Cardoner in Manresa, as he encounters the Holy.  Having watched Miracles from Heaven yesterday, my mind had been a bit on miracles. A lot has happened in the past 24 hours. I am a bit tired and somewhat emotional as I end this day. I am looking forward to my own encounter with the Holy in just over two weeks when I arrive at Manresa, Spain.

Today is the Feast Day of St. Joseph who experienced his own miracles in his life when he agreed to stay with Mary, his betrothed who was pregnant with a child he did not father. Life takes on a meandering that we do not always comprehend. As in the movie, the Beams too had to walk through a dark valley, trusting that all would be well.  As with St. Ignatius, spending time going within and listening to the Holy is crucial in this time.

I am soon to embark on another pilgrimage to bookend the one I took in 2014 to France and Italy. I am looking forward to walking in the footsteps of St. Ignatius and many others from the great cloud of witnesses that have gone before us. I want to breathe in beauty and exhale expectations. I pray that I may  walk through doors of mercy not just in Loyola and Santiago but in all that I experience.

I was thinking about the movie on and off today. One day, life is normal, and suddenly, it’s a good life shatters apart. The family is thrown into crisis. Then the impossible suddenly becomes possible. Miracles happen throughout the film and cleverly, the director hides this from our eyes. Only once did I have a sense that we were not seeing the whole story. The ordinary miracles are shown at the end of the film. These are the daily blessings that occur that we can so easily miss.

I was reminded of these blessings today when I attended the annual general meeting of my professional organization. I had had this idea that rather than donate my interpreting clothes to a charity that I should give them to students who will graduate from the training program in the next few weeks. That idea then blossomed into why not have an annual event whereby we could support new interpreters in this way. The concept was not only embraced by colleagues, someone also decided it should be named in my honour so Suzanne’s Closet was created today. I was called up at the beginning of the meeting and blessed with a surprise interview about my career and the announcement that this project was being named for my wee idea. This seemed like a grand miracle to me.

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If we keep our eyes and hearts open, we will encounter the Divine. As in the movie, people will question the validity of a miracle. Do not let those people dictate your joy. Hang on to the gift you are given. They can embrace it or reject it, but that should not dissuade you from believing that miracles are all around us. Sometimes these mysteries look different than we expect but they do exist. In fact, miracles abound! Believe it.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What miracle happened to you today?

What miracle did you help happen today?

Prayer

God of miracles, you bless us with each breath we take. Thank you for your generosity and love. Use our minds and hands to bring joy and peace to our world. Show us how to serve you better so that we may bring about the kingdom here and now. Amen.

 

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In Praise of Doctors

Posted on March 18, 2016 by sstyves

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This afternoon I saw the movie Miracles from Heaven with friends. I got caught in several places in the film. At one point, the friend beside me must have seen the tear that leaked down my cheek, because she reached over and patted my knee. The doctor was telling Christy Beam that her daughter Anna was seriously ill and that nothing more could be done for her at that hospital. That single tear turned to a waterfall later in the movie when Dr. Nurko realized that there was nothing more he could do for Anna either. Interestingly enough, I was not crying for Christy or Anna or even myself. I was feeling the pain of the doctors. I knew that sense of helplessness only too well. I have experienced it from many of the doctors under whose compassionate care I have found myself.

My family doctor has been amazing and I have sung her praise many times. If it were not for her, I would probably not have survived this long. Her concern and expediency since first finding my mass has been exceptional. The surgeon had the toughest task of all as he delivered the diagnosis and all the risks involved with treatment. I wanted to hug him the day I left his office for the last time but I never did. I have been very grateful to him and his amazing staff, including those under his watch who ordered me a birthday cupcake while I was on a full fluid diet after surgery. He has been brutally honest with me, and even though it has been a struggle, I do not think I would have wanted it any other way. The interventionist who did a procedure prior to surgery was exceptional and patient. He explained the procedure well and promised me that he would complete it, whatever happened. His kindhearted staff were merciful to me, as it became clear this would be a longer than average event. The oncologist I see has also been a blessing. She is the one who suggested that I go on a trip after she delivered the news that the cancer was back and nothing more could be done. When I mentioned that I might go to Barcelona, she brightened and asked to see my photos when I return. I have also seen a doctor who practices acupuncture and he has been generous and gentle in his care.

One of the scenes from Miracles in Heaven has Christy hugging Dr. Nurko, one of the nurses, and the receptionist who we discover later convinced the doctor to see Anna. I cried here too. I have been so blessed with good care for the most part. I have had one dud of a doctor but the rest have been superb. The surgeon’s nurse gained my respect early in our meetings.  As I said goodbye to both her and the receptionist, I wanted to hug them both but I could see their sadness on their faces and did not want to dissolve into tears. I wondered then when I had stopped being a patient and became a person to them. I think it was pretty early on. This was one of those moments of realizing we do not comprehend the effect we have on people and vice versa.

Of course, there was also the resident who came and sat by my bedside during my meltdown in the hospital and lifted me up, giving me the courage and strength to stand on solid ground. She helped me find my inner boss. Her I did hug…and I wept openly with gratitude for the gift she gave me.

The physicians could not do their job without the outstanding support system behind them. I have spoken before of all the staff–the health care aides, the housekeeping staff, etc. At CancerCare, the receptionist who learns the names of each patient is a living saint in my mind. The nurses who carry out the treatment plan have been fantastic–some of those I did hug as I left. The social workers are also an important part of the team. The dietitian has been supportive and affirming. The pharmacists I have encountered both in CancerCare and at the drug store have been patient and empathetic.

I know that doctors can get a bad reputation for not being human. I have to admit that I can be wary of specialists having had some less-than-ideal consultations with some. However, in this circumstance, I am grateful for the team I have had accompanying me. Watching the film reminded me that these health care professionals and their support staff have to deal with the sorrow of losing their patients. This is not easy. Tonight I want to say that they are amazing and have my utmost respect.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

When was the last time you gave thanks for a doctor, nurse or support person?

Consider saying a prayer for those who work with the dying. What would you want to pray for specifically in this regard?

Prayer

Great Physician, thank you for making us human, with hearts made for love. Pour out your Spirit on those who work with the dying. Give them courage and strength for the journey. Help them to be a Light to those who are fragile and vulnerable. Grant them patience and joy. Protect them from despondency. Bless them abundantly for working in this field. Amen.

 

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Unpredictable

Posted on March 17, 2016 by sstyves

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We woke up to a beautiful snowy day here.  As annoying as the thought of snow is in March, the view was stunning. Everything looked so pristine. This time of year is unpredictable. Life is like that too.

In today’s first reading from Genesis, Abram at the age of 99, is told by God Almighty that a covenant will stand between them, and Abram’s descendants will be exceedingly numerous. God tells him that he will be the ancestor of a multitude of nations and that he will have a new name–Abraham. Abram probably didn’t see that coming.  We sometimes cannot wrap our heads around the plans that God has for us. How we receive the news has as much to do with the news as the news itself.

Abram may have had some difficulty processing the news and yet there he was having a chat with the God of the universe so maybe the whole experience seemed surreal or utterly spectacular. What do we do when we receive unbelievable news? We can embrace it–gosh the snow is pretty! We can shun it–ack! When will winter leave? We can get angry–dang snow! We can just let it be–ah, snow. I am sure there are a myriad of other reactions.

God makes a promise with us too–to be with us always. When we receive joyful news, God is there. When painful news arises, God is still there. I have felt God with me throughout my illness, sometimes, I have sought God more longingly than other times. I admit the experience has had its surreal moments. I think when I did my pilgrimage in 2014 I had a sense that I would be given a heavy cross to bear. From the beginning, the surgeon had been clear about my status so I have had time to digest that information, much like Abram, even though neither of us may have completely understood what we were being asked.

I am preparing to leave on a bit of another pilgrimage. I am having some difficulty making decisions about where and how to go. I have parts of the journey booked but not all of them. I get the sense that I am trying to do too much and so I may just have to pare down. I will not have the energy that I usually have and I want it to be prayerful, not frantic. I cannot predict how I will feel. I know that there are several places that I want to go to. The rest is flexible. Perhaps God is asking me to slow down and listen. I will be journeying post-Easter so hope to be filled with the joy of the Resurrection. I look forward to some alone time with God and the great cloud of witnesses that have gone before me. I bring with me all who have been praying with me this past year. I remain open to all that will unfold. God, who is leading me, will take the reigns.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Can you stand in the uncertainty of news with a trusting heart?

What is your go-to reaction to unbelievable news?

Prayer

God, take the reigns from me. I want so much for life to be predictable and simple. May I surrender to your will in all I do. Grant me a trusting heart. Amen.

 

 

 

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Furnace of Blazing Fire

Posted on March 16, 2016 by sstyves

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Fires can be either useful or destructive. In the photo above, the fire is useful, cooking a shore supper. In today’s first reading Nebuchadnezzar, in a furious rage, commands three men to worship his gods and the golden statue that had been made or to be tossed into the furnace of a blazing fire. This does not seem so useful immediately but upon closer inspection, it becomes of great value. The men chose God, saying they did not need to present a defense to the King in this matter. They were prepared to die rather than forsake their faith. They told Nebuchadnezzar that they would not serve his gods nor worship the statue of gold which enraged Nebuchadnezzar even more. He turned up the furnace seven times hotter than normal.

God, however, had different plans. An angel of the Lord appeared and drove the fiery flame out of the furnace, protecting the men so that they experienced no distress. The King becomes aware of this fourth being joining the three men and is astonished.  How could he not be? There is no earthly explanation for what took place. Nebuchadnezzar ends up praising the God of the three men he sought to destroy.

If you have ever been in a sweat lodge, you know how hot it can get. The stones–the grandfathers–are brought in and slowly the heat is released. The one time I went into a sweat, I did not feel that heat. The temperature was comfortable for me. My friend who was right beside me had a different experience. I somehow felt like I was not in the fiery heat of the grandfathers, without comprehending why. I only felt the loving warmth without being overpowered by it. Perhaps that was all that the three men experienced too?

The furnace of a blazing fire can overcome us. I know this. Like gold tested in fire, our lives can become too much to handle. Once again, I sense the protection of Mary’s mantle and Jesus’ cloak. I feel a fire roaring just beyond me and I know that I will need to enter that furnace at some point. For now, God is being merciful.  I liked that not a hair on the heads of these men were singed and that not even the smell of the fire lingered on them. God definitely has this.

I had lunch with a friend today who also has cancer. We sat at one point talking about our health, the treatment, our understanding of certain things, and doctor-assisted suicide. We both agree on the later issue not being an option for us.  She has actually given it much more thought than I have. At one point, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was engaged in conversation with the man who was sitting at the next table. They were discussing our previous conversation to a certain extent.

The three of us, like those three men in the first reading, fell into step as we walked around what might have been a difficult conversation. I mean, really, who discusses cancer, death, suicide, and the such with a total stranger in a restaurant? We could have bemoaned the fact that it was going to snow again or some superficial subject, but my friend had noticed the man saying his rosary and blessed him by mentioning it. By the time, I got back to the table, they were fully enveloped in flames. There was no returning. I entered that furnace with them.

Something beautiful unfolded as we spoke. I suspect all of us were blessed. I know having my thoughts about doctor-assisted suicide heard by a stranger and accepted heartened me. I talk about this first-world problem where living is seen as a luxury that can be thrown away before it is fully used well. My travels throughout the world have taught me that not everyone gets to live well into their nineties. I am already older than many people in developing countries. I have never felt entitled to a long life. Perhaps it is because my sister died when she was only 26…or maybe it is the influence of the Principle and Foundation of the Spiritual Exercises that allow me to say that a long life is not necessarily a better life. However, I am not the one who gets to decide the number of days here, nor am I the one who knows when my purpose is over. I will leave that decision to my Creator, not to a doctor. As with those three men, I will not worship a golden calf of entitlement. I will not only not serve other gods, I will not play God.

That man helped me to be a little braver about my thoughts. I know that not everyone will agree with me, and I certainly cannot conceive what my final days will look like. I am already praying for strength for that part of the adventure. I have much to learn about redemptive suffering and I know that the thought of having loved ones watch me suffer causes me much grief. However, shortening my life collapses the blessings that can occur for all of us. I have walked down this accompaniment road several times in my life. I have been a poster child for grief. Based on this, I know that there are mysteries to be revealed and healings to happen right until the last breath is expelled…and beyond. I want to walk into the fire singing hymns and praising God. May I not waiver from being faithful.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What other gods distract you from God?

Is there a blazing fire that seems to be destructive that God can use for good?

Prayer

I have no God but You, Creator. You send everything I need for the path upon which you set my feet. Let me walk it with confidence and trust, knowing that You walk into the blazing fire with me. Amen.

Posted in #BibleStories, #Consolation, #Miracles, #prayer, #YearofMercy, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments