Gift of the Long Goodbye

Posted on December 15, 2017 by sstyves

03ED924D-0409-4032-8824-D39CB96E01B2A death can occur suddenly or be drawn out.  Since my own diagnosis, a number of people I know have died before I have. The unexpected deaths can shake others to the core. If the person has not prepared for the end of life details then it also bears hardship on the remaining loved ones.

What about the long goodbye? Is it a blessing or a curse?  In reading the book Just Show Up by Kara Tippetts and Jill Lynn Buteyn, Jill says they have been given the gift of a long goodbye. She says that they are thankful for every moment with her and yet it’s painful watching her suffer. Loved ones  have not seen me suffer too much, until maybe recently. That hard work is coming.

We have had the blessing of beginning to say the words we need to say, of making memories, of taking photographs, and of learning lessons that change lives.

The long goodbye also allows for the not so pleasant parts of this hard adventure. There are moments when I cannot find the graciousness I need, when I cannot explain to formerly close friends why they are not always in the inner circle, or when I am trying hard to forgive.  For those on the path with me, they need to sort through the pain of losing me while I still linger, the confusion of not always having me available like I used to be, and dealing with the new Suzanne who is trying to etch out better boundaries.  They also need to deal with their own denial about the surreal nature of what is to come.

With all these things come a certain redemption, healing, and valuable life lessons yet to learn. I suppose there are easier ways to come to this place in life. I try still to see God in all things, Divine fingerprints scattered over the pages of my life, the lives of those around me. and the beauty of Creation. I must learn to see God in the suffering too during these days of the long goodbye. The gifts will be oddly wrapped for all of us but we must remain open to the beauty of these too. I keep my eyes on the prize of Home and know that I will rejoice in that hello.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions 

Sudden deaths and long goodbyes each are hard. What has been your experience?

What can suffering teach us?

Prayer

The long goodbye is an odd gift, Creator.  Teach us all to use the time well until I rejoice in seeing you face-to-face  Amen.

 

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Holding My Hand

Posted on December 14, 2017 by sstyves

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Today’s reading from Isaiah 41 is a good reminder of our creaturehood.  The Lord calls Jacob a worm and Israel an insect, promising to help them as their Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel. The Lord says I, the Lord your God hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, do not fear, I will help you. 

I have been very aware of my creaturehood in the hospital. There is so much dignity that can be stripped away in this milieu. This morning for example while the two female health care aides checked another patient, the male came to me to see if I had bed sores. As I mooned him, I realized how I could feel humiliated or make light of the awkwardness of the moment. There is no place for modesty here, something I learned from my hospital stay during my resection.

A woman who had been sharing the room with me last week would wake up in the middle of the night and pray in great distress: Lord, come to help me. I don’t know why this is happening to me.  Be merciful to me, Lord.  Despite her dementia, she still asked God to help her. Her prayer moved me.

I feel God‘s right hand holding mine as I reach the two-week mark of being in the hospital with no discharge date in sight. It has been a little bit frustrating at times. I see my body waste away and I get nervous. However today I surpassed my goal of making it to the love seat and walked to the next configuration of furniture. The chatty physiotherapy assistant simply kept moving me forward and I followed. I’m sure God was my second spotter. We sat for awhile before heading back to the room for my exercises.

I do feel sort of like a bug-somewhat insignificant and worthless stuck in this bed until I realize that God can use me and teach me here too. God will take me by the hand and lead me to places I don’t necessarily want to go. I still need to follow the Creator, trusting the Plan. I will not be afraid because I know God will help me.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions 

When have you felt your creaturehood most strongly?

When have you felt God holding your hand?

Prayer

Hand-Holder, you are with me, aware of my needs before I am. Stay with me and lead me on. I will not fear for you are with me. Amen.

 

Posted in #Advent, #BibleStories, #Consolation, #prayer, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Rest for Your Soul

Posted on December 13, 2017 by sstyves

421A2653-A7F7-407E-BE6C-80759FEB84CCToday’s readings are about rest. Isaiah 40 assures us that the Lord will renew our strength, we shall mount up with wings like eagles and we shall run and not be weary. The Gospel reading for Matthew 11 is an all-time favorite, where Jesus tells the crowd, Come to me all you that are weary and your carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest…. you will find rest for your souls. This has been a beautiful invitation at various points in my life.

Having now rested for almost 2 weeks straight, my soul is the only thing that does feel at peace. I am still very tired as my body heals itself from a broken ankle and a concussion. In my waking hours I have  continued to sort through  big questions. The other night I had a good talk with the young man who is doing his residency in chaplaincy here. I think he was very surprised at where I am at spiritually. He was very affirming and had some insights for me that were helpful.

My body however continues to be weak. I have been up now for two days in a row with a walker. This purple flamingo can only make it to the chair in the hall. Tomorrow’s goal for myself is to make it as far as the loveseat.  I have been occasionally sitting in a chair for an hour and when I move back to bed I feel how exhausted my body is. Who knew that sitting could cause such weariness?  I look forward to the day when I mount up like an eagle and will not be so weary.

I pass the time praying, responding to emails and other messages, reading some excellent books, and visiting with people. I also have medical people coming to see me during the day to weigh in on how I’m doing.  On the Wi-Fi here, I managed to stream one movie. I have also listened to part of a Brené Brown series on leadership that I bought some time ago but I never listened to. I am catching up on a few things besides my sleep I guess.

I do trust the Lord to renew my strength, especially if I yoke myself to Jesus. I believe in God‘s loving mercy and power to heal.  I know that I am finding rest from buys so during this time. As I have said so often here I am in good hands because I am in God’s hands. Thanks be to God!

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions 

When have you found rest for your soul?

What is the cause of your weariness right now?

Prayer

Bestower of Rest, let me yoke myself to you so that my soul may mount up like eagles as my body recovers. Only then may I free fall into your good hands. Amen.

 

 

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Code Blue in the Satellite Lab

Posted on December 10, 2017 by sstyves

2EEE4731-8BFF-4C4B-A168-FE4D3667D690“That cannot be for me,” I thought, as I lay there on the floor, holding my leg proudly in the air, like some wounded flamingo. “Code Blue-doesn’t that mean I’m having a heart event?”

i had gone to the Satellite Lab for blood work on my knee scooter after a friend had dropped me off at the hospital door. When my lucky number 11 was called quickly,  I was happy because it would mean that I could get to my 10:30 appointment at another clinic so that my broken ankle could be casted finally.  Everything was working out perfectly.

I scooted up to the lab chair and assessed the situation. I was pretty sure that I could transfer from my scooter to the chair by myself. That was my first mistake. My second mistake was not waiting for someone to be in the same cubicle before I tried to transfer.  I’m not exactly sure what happened. Either I missed what I was trying to grab, lost my balance, and fell or whatever I was aiming for was not secure and moved which resulted in the same outcome.  I consciously did not put weight on my broken ankle and managed to hold it in the air as I fell. I heard the crack reverberate through my head as I hit the floor.  I could hear people – the staff – calling out around me. Over the PA system was the announcement of a code blue in the satellite map. Surely that wasn’t for me?

I closed my eyes when I became dizzy. I don’t remember being out but staff did say I was.  I know that my head was spinning inside and I didn’t want to open my eyes to see the result of the fall. I could not believe  what had happened. My life was turning into a bad Mr. Bean movie

When I did open them I was surrounded by a number of doctors who had responded to the code blue.  They began to ask me questions and I answered them coherently.  One of the doctors checked to make sure there was no damage to my spine or neck.  They asked if I could sit up but my head was spinning still.  I put a hand behind my head and in a few moments could feel the warmth of blood oozing down. When I pulled out my bloody hand from behind my head, and announced I was bleeding, someone checked it and said that I would probably need stitches.  My heart sank.

The story is long and I will fill in the details as time goes by in future posts. I could not remember the password for my blog so I have been locked out until I finally remembered it. I remain in hospital as I write this, too dizzy from a mild concussion to return home with my broken ankle on which I cannot bear weight.

For the first few days, I slept and did not allow for visitors other than my mother, my sister and my friend who was with me when I came for the blood work.   I do not mind being in a bubble because I have been scared another injury may happen.  The broken ankle and this mild concussion are enough  to deal with. The concussion comes with a fair amount of dizziness so I am bedridden..

Today’s beautiful readings on the second Sunday of Advent fit perfectly with my situation. Isaiah 40 begins with “Comfort, comfort my people.”  It ends with the promise that “God will gather the lambs in his arms and carry them in his bosom and gently lead the mother sheep.”   I know that God desires to comfort me and to gather me into loving arms. The Second Reading from 2 Peter 3 has advice for the reader: “Therefore, beloved, while you are waiting for these things, strive to be found by him at peace.” The reference here is waiting for a new heaven and a new earth to appear. While I wait, I pray for peace.  The Gospel today speaks about preparing the way, something I must do.  Time is of the essence for me.

On this Second Sunday of Advent, I pray for for peace in my own heart  and in yours. May you find comfort in the arms of a loving God  as we prepare for the coming of the Incarnate One.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Has your life ever seemed like a Code Blue—a critical incident?

How are you preparing the way, regardless of your current circumstances?

Prayer

Compassionate Comforter, gently gather me in your arms, lifting my spirits and revealing your glory. Bring peace in whatever circumstances I find myself as I wait to see you face-to-face. Amen.

 

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Love Is Not Finished Yet

Posted on November 28, 2017 by sstyves

IMG_0296Hope is fragile but tenacious. These past couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me. When I met with my social worker yesterday  I confessed that I had lost some of my courage. Fear is something I have tried to walk through consciously since I turned 40. I really wanted to be free of all that would bind me and prevent me from living a full life. However, breaking my  ankle, on top of everything that I was experiencing with the cancer symptoms, undid me for days.  Each time I thought I had no more tears left in me, they would come, flowing like a waterfall. I was unsure I had any reserve of courage, hope or strength to get through this new turn in the road and all that would come with it.

Unless you have been here, you may not understand completely what I am talking about. These past six months have had a lot of trauma. I do not think that I mentioned that on the way home from the fall, a car ran the red light at the intersection by my home and would surely have killed both my friend and I had we stepped off the curb.  I have so much to process about all the disturbing events since May.  Yes, it has been balanced with much love and generosity.  The totality of all that has happened to me bears a great cost. Both the good and the bad are shaping me in new and different ways. It’s not easy for me, nor is it easy for loved ones.  I am not looking for sympathy or even affirmation. I desire understanding.

For almost 3 years, I have ploughed ahead, keeping my eyes on my Beloved and believing, despite the  anticipated outcome, that I can survive the rough parts of this  adventure. The experience has changed me, not always for the better. I find I have little patience for people who cannot be real. I am not looking for false hope, platitudes, or Messiahship. I get angry easily with people who want to “overhelp“ me and do not understand how important it is for my dignity and continued healing that I do for myself those things of which I am still capable.  People say all sorts of bewildering statements to me.  I myself have said things that are not helpful to people during times of crisis and I wish people would have said something to me. One of the most helpful responses that I have received since breaking my ankle is the following:

My dear,
I am so sorry to hear about the ankle! Do rest and take care of yourself as much as you can. It is good to know you are in such good hands and company.
We are with you in our thoughts and prayers.
It is wonderful to have your picture, no matter whether you smile or cry.

Why did this bring joy to my heart? Nowhere in it is there an element of blame or punishment, but rather only empathy and compassion.   I feel the care and love.  There is gratitude that I am being taken care of by others as this person lives too far away to be here.  Finally, there is an acceptance of who I am, whether I am having a good day or a bad day.  This was the last email I read last night before turning my lights out and it brought delight.  The words are simple and pure. Anyone can write them yet we often do not know what words will bring comfort or pain.

While many people are suggesting that this period of rest is a good thing for me, the fact is that I am running out of time.  All the plans that I have are put on hold and my heart is broken.  What may be my final Christmas will not be as I imagined.  I am not even sure if I will be able to worship with my community or participate with family and friends as I usually do. I know God will bring good out of this and a blessing will be mine, but at the same time there has to be a mourning period and more letting go than I had imagined.  Getting organized for my funeral and death will be slightly postponed. I was getting very used to resting–sleeping 12 hours a day and resting at least another 2-3 hours.  Now however the day is over before it starts it seems as I find much of what I do exerts more energy than I have or requires more brain power to figure out how to do simple tasks.  This is really the last thing I needed at this moment in my shortened life. Hope has been teetering for almost two weeks now.

This morning I listened to Jason Gray’s Love Will Have the Final Word. As I try to regain my step on my one good leg, I am heartened that God is not yet finished with me.  Despite my lack of grace and kindness, this story is not yet over. Love will have the final word. I can still be transformed.  This flamingo will find her courage again.  I will be carried by a tenacious hope. What is temporarily broken will heal.  My outlook will shift once again.  I will do a hobble kitchen dance soon enough.  I have always believed that this is a win-win situation for me. I am in the good hands of God who did not wish this upon me and will bring good out of this disappointment for me.  I cling to the concept of praising God through it all, though on occasion as I stand in the middle of this Mystery, I do ask Really?  Really, God?  I do not expect an answer ever but I do feel the need to release my frustration to the One-Who-Understands.  This One knows the ending of the story unlike the rest of us. My trust is still in my Beloved.  Love will have the final word and this story is not yet completely written.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What final word do you hope that Love has for you?

What has someone said to you that has been helpful instead of hurtful in a trying situation?

Prayer

Beloved, you alone know the plans for me.  Increase my courage to face the days ahead.  When fear rises, remind me that this is not yet the final word that Love will speak.  Amen.

 

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Ungrateful Hearts

Posted on November 23, 2017 by sstyves

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My friends to the south are celebrating Thanksgiving today.  I have been thinking about praise and thanks lately.  I have been missing in action on this page for just over a week now.  With everything else I am sorting, through 8 days ago I tripped and broke my ankle.  I thought I had badly sprained it so I walked on it from the time I got up until two days later.  When I learned that I had broken it, my world crumbled a bit.

I am starting to feel as if I am running out of time and was looking forward to celebrating some special moments leading up to and during the holidays–more specifically what will probably be my last Christmas.  The thought of being housebound instead for six to eight weeks devastated me. As the medical team that saw me that day listed the limitations of my break, I canceled one engagement after another in my head. Then I started to cry at the unfairness of it all. The person making my half-cast turned away and gave me a moment.

The other day I read these words in Jesus Always: You cannot worship me acceptably with an ungrateful heart.   I had to do a check-in.  In the first few hours of learning about the break I was distraught.  An out-of-town friend was arriving shortly to spend the weekend with me and I would not even be at the airport to pick her up.  Another friend was picking her up though and a number of things were falling into place.  I was grateful to have someone with me for those first few days.  Though it looked very different than originally planned our time together was a blessing, punctuated with prayer, love and service.

I was vacillating though as I realized how much more I needed to let go of in the next two months.  On the Feast Day of the Presentation of Mary, I had awoken from my sleep and a dream of sorts–I was dancing with Mary, a folk dance of some kind, and she was laughing and smiling, sending me encouragement.  I returned to that over the week, letting her joy chip away at my disappointment.  I may not be kitchen dancing any time soon but Mary will dance for me.  I keep trying to praise God through it all.  I cannot understand this Mystery right now and my tears surprise me when they come.

A friend suggested that I watch Hallmark movies and tonight I plunked myself down in front of the TV and did just that.  I caught the last hour of one and I found myself crying 45-minutes into it.  The reminder to enjoy the present moment and be grateful for it undid me.  I have everything I need on many levels.  Dear ones have stepped up to the plate to provide for my needs.  My freezer is full of meals for next week.  My apartment is clean.  My groceries are bought. My heart is full. In fact, my heart is overwhelmed with such gratitude that I cannot stop crying for that reason either.

I have so many challenging decisions to make in the time ahead.  My hands are open to some degree but at the same time I realize that I am still clinging to earthly matters.  As I have read Maccabees this week, I see the courage of pointing the way to faith.  Some of my tears are that I am not yet ready to let go of everything earthly as much as I have had all this time to prepare.  I remain happy to go but sad to leave. I am beginning to take steps to relinquish some of those earthly ties but this is not easy.  As I said my goodbyes to my friend on Monday, we both cried.  We have 35 years of friendship that have blessed us.  We continue to learn and grow together, as I do with many of my circle.  I look to the mother in Maccabees and want that faith at this stage to do the right things, to invest my energy in pointing to my Creator, and to love as vulnerably as I can while knowing that it will hurt.

I do not have an ungrateful heart but neither do I yet have the faith I desire.  This will not make sense to many readers because many of you think I am like the mother in Maccabees but I do not agree.  I wish I could surrender and trust more. When things no longer make sense, I must learn to stand in the great Mystery of it all and free fall as my social worker one time said.  The good hands of God will catch me and I will be just where I am supposed to be.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

When has your heart been ungrateful?

Does your faith point to God?

Prayer

I am dancing, Creator, in my mind, allowing Mary to show me the way.  May I trust in you as I continue to be stripped away to the bare necessities.  Less of me, Beloved, and my plans and more of you and yours.  Amen.

Posted in #BibleStories, #Christmas, #Consolation, #Desolation, #Miracles, #prayer, #Saints, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Entitlement & Ego

Posted on November 13, 2017 by sstyves

IMG_7159In my morning devotional  this past week, Sarah Young in her book, Jesus Always, stated that thankfulness is the best antidote to a sense of entitlement–the poisonous attitude that ‘the world owes me.’  I have spent time this week thinking about this concept and realize that I have felt entitled about many things in my life, but spent some time looking specifically at my health.  My question has never been why me but as I dig deeper I do wonder why during my life I have had such health challenges.

The Principle and Foundation (P & F) helps people detach from those things to which we believe we are entitled to such as a long life instead of short, health instead of sickness, and honour rather than dishonour.  The Examen helps us review our day with gratitude and realize that we are not owed anything.  We are given a bounty of gifts and blessings each day if we have but eyes to see and ears to hear.

Throughout my life I have had several mysterious diseases that have not been easily resolved.  Doctors have struggled to find a source, a diagnosis, treatment, and a cure.  I could be bitter about this but I have chosen not to be.  I have moved through each of them, beginning at age 20, when I was not sure if an innovative surgery would allow me to walk again.  I learned early in life that not everything was fair and I had to be open to whatever would befall me.  The Spiritual Exercises showed me how to do this with more grace and gratitude.

We are not entitled to much of anything in this life, not even happiness.  We are proud people, expecting so much.  We ask for long life, good health, and honour instead of being grateful for what we have.  There are days on this adventure when I have forgotten to be thankful.  Those days I feel overwhelmed until I do the Examen to remind myself of the many blessings that I have. I cannot speak for you, but I know those moments when that poisonous attitude silently slinks into me, I need to turn to gratitude to extract my ego and sense of entitlement from the process.  I am alive today because I live in the First World and have access to some of the best medical care in the world.  Most people in the South would not still be alive in my situation.  They would have died three years ago.  Sometimes, even when we do not comprehend everything, all we can do is stand in humility with open hands before our Maker and stay thank you for it all.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What sense of entitlement do you have?

What do you need to give thanks for?

Prayer

Maker-of-Me, you know every hair on my head, every thought buzzing through my brain,  each desire I have, and each fear I cling to.  You desire more for me than I can ask or imagine.  You ask me to come before you with a heart full of trust, open hands, and no attachments. I place my ego and sense of entitlement at the foot of your cross.  Fill me with gratitude instead.  Amen.

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What Gets You Out of Bed?

Posted on November 6, 2017 by sstyves

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A visiting Jesuit preached on love this weekend.  He used one of my favourite Ignatian pieces of prose. Pedro Arrupe, sj is credited with writing Fall in Love:

Nothing is more practical than
finding God, than
falling in Love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read, whom you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in Love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

What and who you are in love with affects everything in you life.  When you think about being in love, how often do you think of the person who has captured your heart? How much time in the day does your mind wander to that person, especially in the early romantic days of adventure?  Do joy and anticipation make you leap out of bed in the morning? Now consider God the centre of  your affection.  How does this play out?

For me, God is my waking thought and often my last lucid reflection prior to drifting off to sleep.  I am madly and deeply in love with Creation, often giving thanks to the Creator for the many gifts I have received during the day: a friend’s encouragement, an unexpected flash of purple, or a glimpse of beauty that stops me in my tracks.  Much amazes me with great joy and gratitude…still.

I must admit that I rarely jump out of bed these days, as I struggle with some health issues regarding the cancer, but I still look forward to many parts of the day, offering my works, prayers, joys and sufferings humbly to God. That remains unchanged.  So much of what I read these days is faith-related because it sustains me on the journey.  The people who accompany me the closest are mostly, though not exclusively, people of a variety of faiths or spiritualities.  I look for God everywhere and find the Holy disguised in ways I would not have thought.

The other day I was telling one of my favourite seniors at church about how crappy I felt, a drastic change from my usual upbeat self.  We laughed, me saying that I hoped I had a  better attitude tomorrow.  He took my hand and kissed it, his sparkling eyes saying it all.  God was there in that moment.  Today a friend from Germany sent an affirming email which ended with this reminder:  I am very certain that the medications and their side effects will not be stronger than your spirit and your faith. I have read those words a dozen times today, heartened by her love and knowledge of me.  I breathe them in, letting them penetrate me. I know I am trying to believe them, but trust that my friend already knows that this statement is a fact.  One of the readers of my blog who I have never met reached out to me with her beautiful story and once again has left me marveling at how God works in our lives, bringing people in and out of our world before we even know that we needed such a person in it.  Last week I was feeling exhausted and could not pull my act together so drove to mass instead of walked.  I parked my car, went to mass, facilitated a meeting of spiritual directors for the 19th Annotation, prayed in front of the Blessed Sacrament, and finally wandered back to my car….which would not start.  A 45-minute wait for a boost did not rectify the situation; a tow truck was called.  I headed back to the church to warm up and to ask about a garage nearby.  People, as always, were accommodating. God keeps showing up and I may not notice right away but I do eventually.  God is in all things. God’s signature is Love.

I cannot encourage you enough to fall in love with God and to stay in love.  During trials it can be hard to recognize the reason you get out of bed, what breaks your heart and what brings gratitude.  Stay in love anyway.  God is there, right beside you, in odd and glorious ways.  This I do know as Truth.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

Why do you choose to stay in love with God?

Prayer

Beloved, may my waking thoughts and dozing moments be filled with your Holy Love.  May I know each morning why I am here–to praise, honour and serve you.  Help me to stay in love with you until my dying breath and then let me come to you at last with joy and gratitude.  Amen.

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Washed Robes

Posted on November 1, 2017 by sstyves

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The Feast of All Saints Day has me thinking about my favourite saints, ones who have made an impression on me and who have helped me to walk closer with the Trinity.  As I sat before the Blessed Sacrament, I found myself thanking God for these holy ones who in their lifetime were able to reach a peace about following God with all their minds, hearts and souls. Some had mystical experiences; others a deep, abiding friendship with one of the Trinity or with Mary.  Some suffered greatly while others found peace.  Not all started as saints–they were as human as the rest of us and yet somewhere along the line, their hearts and spirits exploded with an all-encompassing love of God.

Praying before the Blessed Sacrament is becoming a routine for me.  I have a meeting in the building where it is exposed so stopping in post-meeting is easy.  I sometimes simply bask in the Son’s Light lately, too tired to ask for much initially.  I start always with one of my favourite name for Jesus–Joy of the Angels.  I let those words settle into my soul and become still.  I usually come with a shopping list of needs and yet I try hard to stay with an equal amount of praise too.  Today was no exception.  My mind wandered to all those people who are mentioned in the First Reading from Revelation 9 today: These are they who have come out of the great ordeal; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.  These holy men and women have put their lives on the line because of their faith.  They are the ones who pray for me constantly and who teach me to be courageous.  I found myself giving thanks to Sts. Ignatius, Peregrine, Padre Pio, Clare, Francis, Catherine of Labouré, Therese, Theresa, Marguerite, Michael, Rafael, Gabriel, and so many more.  Their presence seemed so tangible to me.

Psalm 24 asks today who shall stand in God’s holy place?  The answer is someone who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up their soul to what is false.  This seems like a tall order.  I wonder if I can live up to that.  I take heart knowing that initially not all saints had clean hearts and a pure heart and yet God called them to holiness.  God knew what they were capable of and beckoned them beyond their comfort zones.  They responded and their lives–and ours–were changed.  Such beauty came from that and centuries later those of us who call upon them, still reap benefits.

This photo from Manresa shows St. Ignatius in rapture.  The legend is that he fell as the church bells rang for morning mass and he remained outstretched on the ground for 8 days.  The people wondered if he were dead but a slight pulse was detected.  At the end of the 8 days, it is said that he rose and announced that there was much work to be done.  Off he went.  Something about this story captivates me. Perhaps it is the deep necessity to rest in order to carry out God’s will.  Alternatively, the thought of God stopping me in my tracks to get my attention both scares and affirms me.  I am tired coming off the steroids and feeling a bit sick.  I suspect it is a cold; my energy is waning. I went to bed after getting home later than expected due to car trouble and woke up after 7 pm.  I am hoping that I will be able to sleep tonight, knowing that my saints surround me and bless me.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflections Questions

What saint inspires you?

What life lesson has a saint taught you?

Prayer

Beloved Saints you keep serving even from heaven, helping us to love God more, keeping us safe, and showing us the way.  May we keep our eyes on you, learning what we need to know for our time here before we join you, singing a chorus of hallelujahs.  Amen.

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Jubilant with Joy

Posted on October 30, 2017 by sstyves

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Psalm 68 is beautiful today:  Let God rise up, let the righteous be joyful, let them exult before God, let them be jubilant with joy, God is in a holy habitation, God is our salvation,  and blessed be the Lord who daily bears us up.  So much goodness! We are to exult and be jubilant.  The Creator daily is with us, bearing us up as we need. God is rising up, even before we call out.

The Gospel reading from Luke is a favourite one of mine–I fell in love with it in a book, Women of the Word, by Mary Lou Sleevi who used the image of the bent-over women as a question mark that became an exclamation point after 18 years of infirmity.  How many times when we encounter Jesus do we have a moment of being jubilant with joy, of shrugging off everything that weighs us down and holds us back because we are fearful of what is being asked of us?  This woman at hearing the words of Christ that she was set free, not only believed him but began to praise God while straightening up.  The image of the question mark–doubt, fear, rage, bitterness, anxiety–becoming an exclamation point–joy, freedom, trust, faith, confidence–is a spectacular reminder that we have a choice when we come to Jesus as how to respond.  This woman who suffered for almost two decades did not cling to the question marks of life.  With God, she was already rising to the occasion, jumping up to the task of exclaiming the praises of the Great Physician.  She is a model for us.

We all have choices when we face life with tough questions, whatever they are.  Some of us face life and death issues; others encounter anguish that lasts a lifetime; most have difficult decisions that limit our rejoicing.  This woman must have had great trust and a positive attitude because of her immediate response.  No negativity came from her, though those around her were furious what with occurred, challenging Jesus’ compassion of healing her on the Sabbath.  These people might not have become exclamation points, but remained question marks.  How we respond is sometimes the biggest struggle of all, especially if our safe zone is skepticism and negativity.  The challenge of this Gospel is for the readers to decide if they want to be question marks or exclamation points in life. Which do you choose?

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What is your go-to stance in life in adversity–a question mark or an exclamation point?

How often do you feel jubilant with joy?

Prayer

Rising One, you bid us to jump up, too, jubilant with joy, to praise God at what will happen.  May we be open to choosing new ways to live our lives.  Amen.

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