Hope Dances

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Holy Saturday is a day that does not get the attention it deserves. Not many of us like to wait, especially to wait in the dark of a tomb. We prefer to bask in the light. We want to be in control. Being the source of grief is not a life-long goal of most of ours. Few of us strive to be a burden. Why can we not wait here in the darkness?

Holy Saturday has important lessons for us. When I thought about that tomb on Holy Saturday this morning in prayer, a different image came to my mind. I heard laughter in that tomb. I saw hope dance. I saw joy join in. I saw despair and sorrow leaning against the rock of that cave. They were not inside. Fear was locked behind closed doors elsewhere. Anxiety paced back and forth outside. Inside that dark cave is the Light, the stunning and glorious Light that is never extinguished.

Waiting is not easy for most of us. As I wait for the next step in my medical journey, I feel the anxiety of those who wait with me. I know that people want a diagnosis and a plan. As one of my friends says, she wants those nasties out as soon as possible. I am grateful that fear is not taking up residence within me. It tried the other night to gain squatter’s rights. I was tired. It was late. The persistent cough got the best of me. I could feel fear scratching at the door, whispering rumours about my lungs. I sighed and went to bed instead. I awoke the next morning refreshed.

There are no shortcuts on my journey. I cannot roll that stone away too soon. I have to wait in the darkness and not give it power. I choose to dance instead. I clasp hands with hope and joy. I leave sadness and hopelessness on the other side of this tomb. I invite the silence to calm me. Amazing grace wraps her arms around me. Beauty buoys me. Angels are all around me. That empty tomb is a place of comfort and joy.

Tonight we will light the sacred fire and the truth of the tomb will be known. There is no reason to fear. The Alpha and the Omega will dispel the darkness of our hearts and minds. On this most sacred of nights, we will see that the tomb held goodness and glory. The Morning Star never set in that tomb. In our darkest nights, we are promised Light. This holiest of nights we will gather in community and proclaim the many readings that root us in hope, a hope that shines upon our path to show us the way through the dark spots. I have said from the beginning that I am in good hands because I am in God’s hands. Each reading of the Holy Saturday Vigil reveals a God in control. The rock will be rolled away at an acceptable time. Truth will rise. The truth is that the tomb holds not your broken dreams but dreams that are too spectacular to even imagine. Hope will bring peace to hearts. Joy will come in the morning, but in the meantime, it dances in the darkness of the tomb. Will you join in?

Peace,

Suzanne

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Blessings and Betrayals

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The veneration of the cross was something I learned to love on my first visit to Taize two decades ago. The cross laid on the floor allowed us to come forward and to lay our heads upon it. This way of praying the veneration moved me deeply. I felt rooted to the wood of the cross. In August when I was there, the tradition clearly continued. People lined up for hours to kneel down, rest their foreheads upon the cross and pray.

Today’s Good Friday Service is a chronicle of Christ’s crucifixion. It is the story of both betrayal and blessing. The Gospel picks up after the last supper, the mass suspended in time from last night as the altar was stripped bare. John narrates as Judas enters the familiar space of the garden. In this place where they all would gather, Judas betrays his friend, entering with a group who has come to finally arrest Jesus.

How many times in your life have you been betrayed by someone close to you? How often has your heart been broken because someone you trusted put themselves first? What do you do you when a twist comes in a road and you are blindsided?

John’s Gospel paints a magnificent picture of the Christ in control. Jesus steps forward and asks them whom they are searching for. Jesus responds honestly to them that he is the one that they seek. Is it the power and truth of his words that make them step back and fall to the ground? He tells them to let the others go in order to fulfill Scripture that none would be lost. He takes full accountability for who he is and what must be done.

Peter in his zeal and confused concept of what must happen, cuts off the slave of the high priest’s right ear. In this version, Christ does not heal it. Instead he chastises Peter and reminds him of his purpose. He must be about his Father’s business and drink the cup that is placed before him. What did that slave consider as he fingered his missing ear in the decades that remained for him? Was he grateful for Jesus’ intervention? Did he recognize the blessing that he had been given? His life was saved for the one he had been sent to destroy.

Peter might be seen as a pathetic character to some but I think most of us recognize him in our own mirrors. All those times we confess we love the Lord and will follow him to the end of the earth are not often put to the test. We do not know the fear that Peter must have felt as life unfolded completely differently than he had hoped. The Kingdom that he had envisioned did not appear to be at hand. His beloved teacher was under arrest and it seemed that there was no way around how this might play out. Courage fails him, not once, not twice, but three times. He does not own the Truth. When the cock crows as predicted, John does not mention Peter’s reaction.

How many times have we not owned up to the hard truth about our actions? Have we denied Christ again and again? Have we betrayed someone dear to us?

As Christ stands before Pilate now, the crowd is hungry for blood. They want Jesus to be put to death. Pilate grows anxious. He, like so many of us, gets caught up in his fear and hunger for power. He makes bad decisions because he cannot stand in the Truth. In fact, he asks Jesus, what truth is. His inability to listen to his own wisdom leads to the crowd convincing him to have Jesus crucified.

When has pride gotten in the way of doing the right thing? Even when everything within says something is wrong, why do we not listen to that gentle whisper?

In John’s Gospel, Jesus carries the cross by himself. No Simon is convinced to help him. The soldiers cast lots for his garments. Jesus like so many people in our world is treated like a commodity, rather than the human being that he is. When was the last time you did not reach out to someone in need? Does greed sometimes override compassion in our lives?

Yet, near the cross are his mother and the women who have loved him. Here too is John, who is given to Mary and she to him as Jesus prepares to die. John will provide for Mary now. Here are the faithful followers. Here are the courageous clan who refuse to leave. Jesus says he is thirsty and again in fulfillment of Scripture, John has someone offer him a last sip of wine before he says it is finished. Remember a time when you were uncomfortable doing something but remained out of love. Stay in that pain, confusion and compassion for a moment. Receive the graces that come with the burden of the privilege of bearing another’s pain.

In the final words of the Gospel today, we see two friends of Jesus step forward out of the darkness of night and secrecy of the past to do the right thing, to bring a blessing to their friend. They choose to finally stand in the light and minister to the man who has completely changed their lives. They prepare the body for burial and place it in an unused tomb. We are often faced with difficult decisions. Time sometimes shows us the right way, even when it comes at a great cost.

Do you have a moment of enlightenment that caused you to act instead of allowing fear to hold you back? Being brave can change a person for life. I suspect Arimathea and Nicodemus never went back to the dark of night and the fears that kept them bound. They had no idea that in three days their friend would be back again but they chose the right path anyway.

What lessons have you learned this Good Friday in light of your whole Lenten journey? Do you want to be a bearer of blessings or live under the burden of betrayal? We all have a choice. We can choose each day to bear blessings. Holy Saturday is a perfect day to crawl into the tomb with Christ and ponder who we want to be as another Easter draws closer to the end. Christ has died for us so that we may have new life. Will we be open to what that means?

Peace,

Suzanne

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God Bends Low

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This holy night gives us an example of how to live. God, in the form of a human being, as Jesus, kneels before us his creatures, takes off his outer garments–strips down to the bare minimum, takes a towel and pours water in a basin. He washes the feet of the disciples. He takes the dirtiest part of their being, the most weary and worn, and caresses them. This duty was entrusted usually to a slave but God does not refuse to leave the throne to minister to us. Do we really comprehend this concept? The God of the universe stoops and washes our feet. The gesture is wildly mind-boggling.

When was the last time you rolled your eyes and thought, This is so beneath me? How we choose to serve can change everything. I have been thinking about the difference in the two nurses who served me during a recent medical procedure. The first was so worried about herself that she overrode my needs. The other was one of the most compassionate strangers I ever encountered. The same is true for the health care aide who changed me three times when I had an adverse reaction to the morphine I was given. His cheerful countenance and gentle manner will long stay with me. When we lead, we serve. When we serve, we lead. Christ’s example of this shows that no menial task is beneath us if we serve with love.

The washing of the feet is an intimate act. I know this first hand, having been a recipient of this ritual. If we could grasp the meaning of this depth of love, perhaps we would create a different world. Today as Kenya mourns the death of over 100 people from an act of violence and terror, I pray that we may truly learn to live out the words of Christ: I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do. If God can leave the throne of glory and be a humble servant, perhaps those who hunger for power for all the wrong reasons might learn a lesson here. Love wins.

Peace,

Suzanne

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Mothers Before the Cross

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I had this image recently of Mary standing before the cross with the two other mothers of the men on his right and left. I am not sure why it came but I have held it gently these past few days. Then today on Facebook, a former colleague posted a letter calling for the end of the death penalty. As I read it, all I could see were mothers lined up as their sons were dying. I came back to those three mothers on Calvary and wondered what type of conversation they might have had if one had occurred.

The death penalty was Jesus’ sentence. The two men crucified beside him were referred to as thieves who were condemned justly. Is there ever a time that the death sentence is justified? Most of today’s criminals that are put to death are not white or rich. Somehow the numbers are skewed and heartbreaking to consider. If we journey back in time to those mothers before the cross, what would they have said to each other? Do their words hold any hope for us today?

I see the penitent thief reach out to the Christ and chastise the other one. The mothers watch. Is this the entry point of conversation? Does Mary in turn reach out to each of them, through her own pain? Does she have a word of comfort or mercy for them? Do they have one for her? Do we have one for the world today? I have thought about the mother of the pilot who crashed the plane into the mountain, killing so many. How does she carry on now? She stands before her cross daily now, as do hundreds of mothers whose children died in the tragic event.

Mothers around the world stand before their crosses and are united with the Holy Mother. Today, a Canadian man in Indonesia seemingly wrongfully accused of sexual assault of kindergarten students will learn his fate. The mother of the local janitor who was tortured and then committed suicide in prison in the same case will never see justice done. Injustice happens every single day and we all stand in front of these crosses because an injustice for one is an injustice for all. What conversation might you have with the three women who stand in front of the crosses? What wisdom might they offer you?

Peace,

Suzanne

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Road Home

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I saw the children’s film, Home, today, with my goddaughter and her family. Perhaps because we are in Holy Week, I made a connection to the Passion and of giving up our lives for those we love. The film is heartwarming in places, with a strong female protagonist and a purple critter called a Boov, taking top spots. The Boov named Oh is not popular amongst his community, and has made many mistakes that have alienated him. In fact, the premise of the movie is that he has made an error that puts everyone’s lives in jeopardy.

Tip is the bold and brave daughter in search of her beloved mother. She has honour and calls forth in Oh his very best self. Isn’t that what Christ does in us? Doesn’t he draw forth the gifts that are needed to help this world? An odd friendship develops in the film between these two characters. For some reason, as I type this, I think of Jesus and the woman at the well. Two very different people connect and something magnificent transpires.

Oh becomes enlightened during the course of the film on relationships. When he finally understands what is entailed with being a true friend, he shines brightly. He discovers his courage and his purpose. He does the right thing and in doing so is ready to give up his life for Tip.

Jesus is our model this week about many issues but one of them is how he is ready to give up his life for both his friends and his enemies. It is not easy to put our lives on the line even for those we love. How much harder is it to do so for those who hate us? Is there someone that you would give your life for? Is there a cause–a greater good–that would make you courageous enough to do the right thing, even if it meant your life was in danger? Holy Week is about sacrifice. As we approach the cross, what is it that we contemplate? The road Home is rarely a straight one. The twists and turns can leave us confused and frightened like poor Oh, or defiant and hopeful like Tip. Choose your partners for the Via Dolorosa. Either way, there is hope for transformation along the path.

Peace,

Suzanne

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Compassionate Actions

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What is the most compassionate act that you have done? What has been the most beautiful act of compassion done to you? We enter Holy Week and are in wait mode. Now is the acceptable time to ponder deep questions before we arrive at these high feast days.

In today’s Gospel, we witness a profound gesture of compassion by Mary towards Jesus in the Gospel of John. Prior to the Passover, Jesus is visiting his friends, Lazarus, Mary, and Martha. Mary takes a pound of costly perfume to anoint Christ’s feet and humbly uses her hair to wipe them. This creates a stir for many reasons, but Jesus speaks the truth of what he knows–she is preparing for his burial.

In the accompanying psalm, we are encouraged to wait for the Lord, to be strong and to let our hearts take courage. This is what Mary was doing. She was waiting for the Lord while waiting upon him. His time was near at hand. She was strong and she let her heart take courage, Psalm 27 is a song of comfort for me. I discovered it after my sister passed away. For several weeks, it appeared intermittently in the daily readings, bringing me deep peace. I return to it now as the Triduum approaches. I think in some ways there may be an equation for compassion there. Wait for the Lord, add inner strength and courage, and find compassion.

I imagine Mary knew she would be a target for her action. She chose to do it anyway. In the First Reading of Isaiah 42, our mission is no different than the Suffering Servant. We are to bring light to the nations, open the eyes of those who cannot see, break out captives from their prisons, and illuminate those who sit in darkness. These are all acts of compassion, of mercy, and of love.

What if each of us committed to doing one act of compassion before Holy Thursday arrives? Is there something that you gave up for Lent, or added in, that can become a tangible sign of transformation this week? Pray about this and offer the Lord an act of compassion.

Peace,

Suzanne

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For Others

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The Lord needs a colt this Palm Sunday, and equally as important he needs someone to do him the favour of going to get one. St. Ignatius believed that humble service was essential. Our lives must be for others, for the greater good of the world. In today’s readings, the example of such service is seen throughout the Gospel, either in epic fails or heart-stopping successes.

The First Reading from Isaiah is the passage from the Suffering Servant, who willing gives his body to help God’s plan unfold. Most of us will never be asked for such an extreme sacrifice. In Psalm 22 we see a righteous man who agrees to be this person for others and who readily agrees to praise God’s name despite the shame brought on him. Philippians gives us the model in Christ who emptied himself and took on the form of a slave. He was obedient, dying on a cross, to show that the glory belongs to God.

The lengthy Gospel of Mark perhaps shows us human examples of courage and frailty when we try to be for others. The story opens with a woman who anoints Jesus with costly ointment in a beautiful gesture of love and service. Then there is Judas Iscariot who does not live for others but his own greed and sacrifices his relationship with Christ for his own gain. Two of the disciples do the Lord’s bidding and arrange for the Passover celebrations. As they set out for the Mount of Olives, Jesus warns them that they will desert him. Peter attempts to be loyal but will not be able to stand by his friend in his hour of need. In fact, as they gather, all of the disciples choose sleep over the gift of presence. Each one does not know what to say to him when he returns.

Further on, Simon of Cyrene needs to be compelled to carry the cross of the One who needs no compelling to help us with our crosses. He takes each and every one of our crosses, gently, silently, and constantly. He never chides us or keeps count. What he does is keep carrying it for us. This is our model.

Finally, we are left with the women at the foot of the cross. Those who were for others throughout the ministry of Jesus remain loyal. They were the ones in the background, making meals, washing clothes, providing for Jesus and the men. The shy ones, the feisty ones…the faithful ones. These women knew about service to and for others. Their ability to stand at the foot of the cross should come as no surprise. Joseph of Arimathea joined them when it was safe to. Maybe their courage even emboldened him to step out of his comfort zone into the spotlight to serve the Christ in an act that would go down in history. Taking down the body from the cross, he laid it in a tomb.

Who knows what will happen when we step out into a world in great need? What is it, this Holy Week, that you are being asked to do? How can you become a person who with great humility serves those in need? Take some time to pray before we revisit this reading on Friday and see what is on your heart. What might Christ be wanting from your heart as we conclude the journey to the cross later this week?

Peace,

Suzanne

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The Beauty of Our Lives

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Last week I was at a funeral for a 98-year-old friend. Today was another funeral for a friend’s 90-year-old father who played piano for events planned by a committee I served on for many years. That committee really was one of the most fun ministries in which I have ever participated–and it was all about grief and dying. Who knew that could happen?! Ah, the irony of it all.

Life is like that though. Some of the best moments turn us on our head. This committee was filled with laughter in the midst of planning memorial events. We celebrated on occasion with amazing food. We cared about each other and the people we served. I looked around at the faces of these committee members during the reception and remembered what we had done and how we had done it. These people had created beauty in my life and in those who found themselves bereaved. A smile of gratitude crept onto my face.

Because I arrived just as the service was beginning, I had slipped quietly into an empty chair in the last row in the worship room at the care centre. There at the front was a large photograph of the man who had passed away. He was amongst us still. The beauty of his life was about to be told. His grandkids got up and shared some rememberings. When his son and two daughters stood at the front and shared their stories, we were plunged into the good, the bad, and the ugly. His son began with the tale of a mentally ill mother, a divorce, a heartbroken father, a custody battle, and the eventual suicide that left the children again in their father’s care. He, with his sisters, wove glittering strands upon a fabric that had dark patches here and bright colours there. They brought us to tears with their love for a man who loved deeply–each of his family members, music, and the world. As I listened, I wondered, what will people say about me when I am gone? Has my life had as much grace and beauty as this man’s? Have I been loved as much as him? More importantly, have I loved as much?

I lingered in the reception area where the photos and favourite belongings of this man’s were on display. The family had lovingly created an intimate space. His favourite books, the music sheets he used to play songs on the piano, the caps he wore, and photos were laid out for all to see. Such a privilege to get this glimpse of the man who I remember as being more than gracious, always willing to support us, and a gentlemen from the same era as the woman whose funeral I attended last week. That era birthed some fine folks.

What will people say about you when you are gone? How do you want the beauty of your life remembered? If you were to set up a display about your life, what would it entail? We are entering the holiest week of the year, beginning with Palm Sunday. We are all running the same race, heading to the same place. No one remains here forever. Sow seeds of beauty and joy now so that when the harvest is gathered an amazing crop is the result.

Peace,

Suzanne

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Communal Blessings

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Last night two dozen friends gathered in the small chapel of my church to participate in the sacrament of the anointing of the sick. I had selected the readings for it based on my desire to make this illness a communal event. I think sometimes that society prefers to keep sickness hidden away and suffering at bay. A couple of times I have second guessed my decision to make this so public but not last night.

I had somewhat heeded to the pastor’s wisdom of keeping it small. We gathered with some words of welcome and then began the ceremony with the Taize chant Ubi Caritas–where there is charity and love, there is God. The song is connected to Holy Week, I discovered, as part of the foot washing. This celebration was a way of washing one another’s feet. The love received and given has carried me since this journey began and I have not doubted that God is ever present. The song united those who could not make it, those who did not even know about the event, those far and near. This amazing gift of friendship and love that Christ shared with his disciples was present last night too.

The Gospel reading from Luke 5:18-27 tells the story of friends who go to extraordinary measures to ensure that Jesus heals their sick loved one. They cannot get into the house, so they literally go through it. They lower the man through the roof and bring him to rest on his mat, directly in front of Jesus. This was the reading from my bible study this summer at Taize while on my pilgrimage. The point the facilitator, a Canadian brother, mentioned is that we are all paralyzed in some ways and he invited us to consider what fear or obstacle left us unable to move forward. I know that many of my friends gathered could let my illness paralyze them but they are instead picking up their mats collectively with me and we are gathering our courage as community. Last night was a beautiful demonstration of us doing so.

The First Reading from 1 Corinthians 12 expresses that the body cannot be compartmentalized. The eye, the ear, the foot all belong to one body. The body does not function as well if one part is injured or cut off. The humble parts of the body find special honour. The weaker parts are indispensable. If one part suffers, the whole suffers. If one part rejoices, then the whole rejoices. As I began to tell people that I was sick, I knew that the burden was not my alone. As a whole, people have committed to join in this journey. As much as I do not think I am indispensable, many have staunchly admitted I am not going anywhere because I still have much work to do yet, that my gifts are needed, and that there are still too many adventures for me to live out. Last night gave us a reason to rejoice together, blessed by an encouraging and healing sacrament, upheld in a community connected through the Holy Spirit.

At the invitation of the pastor, friends came forward to lay their hands upon me. My task was to receive it all. Like that paralyzed man in the Gospel who could only allow his friends to bring him before the Christ, I let each person do the same. I closed my eyes and received each silent prayer. I let the power of each petition course through my body and spirit. Hands firm, touch gentle, persistent pressure, brief balm, lengthy longings, and whispered peace were all gratefully accepted. Each precious gift filled me with grace and peace.

At the end of it, though it was only I anointed with the Holy Oil, the participants all glowed. The last line of the Gospel perhaps sums it up: Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, “We have seen remarkable things today. The community had felt the power of the sacrament, and as I had hoped, found grace for themselves as they continue to walk with me. Such a remarkable grace indeed.

Peace,

Suzanne

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May It Be Done

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When was the last time you were visited by an angel? What was your initial reaction? Did the encounter require an action? Today is the Solemnity of the Annuciation, the event celebrating Gabriel’s visit to Mary who tells her she will conceive a son. This is not just any ordinary baby though. She will bear the Son of God, Gabriel informs her.

Her reaction is beyond remarkable: “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.” How many of us can respond with such freedom to a request that we have no idea of how it will unfold? Mary had no idea what her yes would really mean. Perhaps she imagined her son would become an earthly king or a ruler of great esteem. Chances are when she said yes, she had no concept of the cost that would be asked of her.

We never know what our yes will bring. Every yes and every no has its consequence. Each moment of life we are called to bear Christ or to serve the One in front of us. Do we walk away from the panhandler? Do we postpone a visit with a friend once again? Should we quit the job that causes us stress? Will marrying that person solve all our problems? Is a third chance the right way to respond to someone who has hurt you badly already?

I look at the road I am on and I have no idea what my yes will bring. This has not been a choice in some ways. At this point, I cannot not walk through the medical maze. My “may it be done to me” is much different than Mary’s. Courage and faith are still elements in my moving forward. Mary has been a model this Lent. I have to trust that this is according to God’s will and that it will be used for the glory of God. My yes remains. As with Mary, I am curious how it will unfold but somehow I am at peace most days.

This Lent, what challenge have you had to say yes to? Who has been a mentor to you?

Peace,

Suzanne

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