God in all things

People are gathering their pumpkins and checking out their wardrobes for costumes for tomorrow.  I however have thoughts of saints and sinners. My heart is looking at what my life is harvesting right now. I feel so exhausted with doing that I have not had much time for being. So many blessings have happened over the past year and a bit.  I suspect I need to find quiet time, away from goblins and ghosts to wrestle with demons. I have a few outstanding items that need to be reconciled.

As I did dishes tonight, I heard my former spiritual director’s voice in my head, telling me that one of my greatest challenges is choosing between two goods. He was right. I find it a challenge to say no but then I find myself in this perpetual state of weariness. God is there too with me.  I will find rest in the days ahead and I will praise God still in this stressed out time. God waits for me to rest. I heard a lovely line in a song the other day that was something like: I will stand still while God moves. I want to learn how to do that.

I was also thinking recently about the image from Hind’s Feet on High Places when Much-Afraid comes to the altar and asks to be tied to it so that she does not struggle when the time comes, but submits to the will of God. I ask God to harvest my heart this autumn and make it wholly holy for the divine purposes for which it is intended.

How about you? Do you need to learn to stand still while God moves, ploughing and harvesting your life?

Peace,

Suzanne

Every year, I think that life cannot get busier in the fall but I think this one has been full, too. Dining with friends tonight, I heard the negative tone in my stories several times. I finally said that I need a bit of time to reflect on all the gifts I have been given these past few months and time to simply rest in the blessings. I feel behind on my own life. How is that even possible?

Peace,

Suzanne

Lord, have mercy on me, your beloved daughter, for I am a sinner.

This prayer takes on some adaptations along the way but it is based on today’s Gospel reading from Luke 18 about the penitent tax collector.  I am heading off to church soon, aware that I am a sinner but it is easy to be like the righteous Pharisee who extols his religious behaviours and habits. Some days I can believe that I come stain-free and yet, in reality, I should be beating my breast, asking for God’s mercy.

In the reading from Sirach, we learn that “the prayer of the humble pierces the clouds and it will not rest until it reaches its goal.” The Most High will intervene and do justice without delay. Timothy writes that he has fought the good fight, finished the race and kept the faith. God will rescue him from every evil. Even though all deserted him, God stood by. How many of us have been there? Perhaps friends have turned away, enemies mocked us, and we were left wondering what is next.  Then suddenly it is our own hearts that are changed and we pray, acknowledging that we need Divine Intervention. In that humble moment, we learn anew and again that we are the beloved of God.

I personally may be slow to cast my eyes to the ground and beat my breast at times, but when I stand in that grace, I know there is nothing like it. God, be merciful to me, your beloved daughter, a sinner.

Peace,

Suzanne

This squirrel was spotted during a visit in June to Cape Town, South Africa. Here where I live, the squirrels are busy preparing for winter. I have seen them darting hither and to, gathering up what they need to survive for the next few long and cold months. It is a good reminder. Do I have everything I need to get me through the cold and darkness that is coming?

I trust You to provide for me all that I need. How about you? In whom do you place your trust ?

Peace,

Suzanne

Our minds are beautiful gifts…when they work well. I have just started a six-week e-course with Brene Brown on the Gifts of Imperfection. Our thoughts control us. We can look back, as in this photograph, and recreate an image that happened long ago. I can smell the ocean, hear the waves crash, feel the mist in the air, and joy rises anew in my heart.

On the darker side though, we can reminisce and despair that we are not enough, we did not grab the opportunity, we were ungrateful–so many other negative messages bombard us. I am looking forward to these six weeks of journaling, drawing, creating, and digging deep into myself to free and heal myself from the voices in my head that perpetuate the childhood messages of not being enough.

What voices rumble around in your head, destroying joy and shattering sanity? Believe in yourself. You are enough. You are perfectly imperfect and that is all you need to be.

Peace,

Suzanne

Today’s readings are challenging. They teach us that we get by with a little help from our friends, even if we begrudge them.  Aaron and Hur help Moses win the battle when he does not have the strength himself to keep going.  Psalm 121 is an old favourite of many people: I lift up my eyes…the Lord who neither slumbers nor sleeps is on our side. The second reading encourages us to be persistent and the Gospel mirrors that message in the parable of judge who neither feared God nor respected humans.  Despite this the crotchety old man does give the persistent widow justice.

Today I was out trying to do a photography assignment and decided to ask this squeegee “kid” if he would let me take his photo while he cleaned my window and he agreed. He did all my windows but this picture captured something about the care with which he did his job. As I handed over some money, he told me he had a newborn and was going to stay in Winnipeg for a few more weeks unless it got colder. Then he would head to warmer parts of the country. I waved as I drove off and in reflection realize that these kids are like that widow. They keep standing on street corners, begging to do a job. They rely on people who have more more money, more status, more power than they do to help them through.

This may not be the best picture technically but something about it spoke to me about the care that he gave me in that brief interaction. I wonder what he is thinking about as he looks into my window.  When I asked if he would help me to do the assignment of someone working, he did not hesitate or ask any questions, even prior to me saying that I would pay him for allowing me to photograph him. He was just kind and considerate.

Where does your help come from? On days when you are cold and lonely or cannot fight the battle alone, in times when the world seems against you and judges you unfairly, where do you turn? What strength do you draw upon to make it through?

Peace,

Suzanne

Children’s games never leave us. We remember them and teach them to the kids in our lives. When I was in Ontario last year I had taught my friend’s children “Mother, may I?” This summer when I returned they pleaded with Aunt Zooey to play it again. They had been practicing and were anxious to show me how well they could do.  We all may not have excelled at games such as Duck Duck Goose because we were not agile enough but other games were perhaps more forgiving of our deficiencies. I am glad that these children were able to make a somewhat competitive game fun.

These activities as children shape us. Did we have fun or were our self-esteems shattered? I sat watching this duck float on the water on the weekend and delighted in its freedom. No running. No chasing. Simply floating amidst the colourful reflections of the season. Care-free….as children should be.

When was the last time you had a care-free afternoon?

Peace.

Suzanne