Matthew 7 holds one of my favourite bible readings–Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.” This reading holds special meaning from a challenging time in my life, a time when I needed to hear God’s voice. The reading haunted me one weekend and would not let me go. Ask what? I remember getting angry with God because I did not know what I was supposed to ask.
When I read the Gospel this morning, I smiled. It was a comforting memory of God having my life in the palm of God’s hands. I did not like the outcome at the time but God was there and the Spirit was moving. In retrospect, I can see that. My heart, shattered in pieces, could not be easily fixed then but I did know that God was right there in the mess with me.
Tonight, I lay on my couch wondering what I needed to ask for my current life situation. Am I to ask for healing? For a cure? For courage? For comfort for those praying with me? For this all to be for God’s glory? To place the outcome in God’s merciful hand? I had no easy answers but I did feel a great peace. I am the widow knocking at the door. All those who join me in prayer are banging at the door. We are storming heaven. We are asking, seeking and knocking.
I glance at the first reading with this in mind and can taste Queen Esther’s anxiety as she prays for courage. She asks for what she needs as she praises God. She is clear in her asking: Save us by your hand, and help me, who am alone and have no helper but you, O Lord. I, and those who love me, place our needs in your hands while we ask, seek and knock. Blessed be your name!