All around me are the signs of new life. Today in a quiet moment I pondered what the morning of surgery will hold for me. In prayer I went to the day and saw me on the stretcher, ready to be wheeled to the operating room. Then I wondered what I will do when I am faced with the reality of whether I will open my eyes again after surgery. I did not see that coming. Instantly, an immense feeling of gratitude for all that has been washed over me. Tears streamed down my face. These were not tears of fear but of joy.
I remain hopeful that all shall be very well for me. I still sometimes get overwhelmed by how much stress my illness is causing loved ones. I also find myself reflecting on all the amazing opportunities I have had in life. My one beautiful life has such a stunning graced history. Now I find myself in the hands of God and it seems like such a comfortable place to be. I am teary on occasion. The journey does require courage and grace. As with this morning’s revelation, not all the tears are of sadness or fear. I think that I am keeping it real. I cannot tell even myself everything I am feeling right now but emotions are definitely heightened.
I feel a need to tell people how much I love them and how much they have made an immense difference in my life. I want people to see the world through my eyes some days–how the freshly green leaves that are sprouting are spectacular. This new life of spring–this resurrected Christ–are bursting with Hope and Joy. We are so blessed. I want to soak every minute of it up and say thank you to the Creator.
On the flip side, I am beginning to tire more and need naps as I try to finish tasks. The important items will all get done. My house will not be cleaned. My taxes must wait. Not everyone who wanted to see me will. Every phone call and email will not be returned. I will not be able to contact all the folks that I wanted to prior to surgery. In this season of spring, there is still much letting go to do so that abundant life can unfold.
My life has been well spent and I hope to have many decades still to continue enjoying the gifts given and to share and serve. Spring holds much hope and so do I.