All We Have

Posted on August 2, 2016 by sstyves

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We have all we need;  we just don’t realize it. In today’s gospel from Matthew 14, Jesus is approached by his disciples and they tell him to send the crowds away so that the people can go buy food for themselves. Jesus tells them that there is no need to send them away but that they should instead give them some food.

The disciples respond that the only have five loaves and two fish. That is all that they have. Jesus orders them to bring these to him. He asks the crowd to sit down on the grass  and then he takes the loaves and fishes, looks up to heaven, says a blessing, breaks the loaves, and gives them to the disciples to distribute. All eat and are satisfied. In fact there is more than enough. Twelve full wicker baskets contain the leftover fragments that 5000 men, not counting the women and children, have eaten. It would seem that these fragments would also provide nourishment to the women and children present.

As we celebrated the feast of Saint Ignatius yesterday, I cannot help but think of the Suspice –  that beautiful prayer of surrender.  Take, Lord and receive, all my liberty, my memory, my understanding, and my entire will, all I have and possess. This is not an easy prayer to say. How willing are we to let everything go and place it lovingly in the hands of the Creator?

A week ago I had a CT scan that would reveal the latest truth about my health. In the middle of the first picture, I suddenly thought how absolutely ludicrous this process seemed. Hold your breath, the machine instructed while I mused, Aren’t we all holding our breath already?  Scanxiety occurs for not only me but also all my loved ones. Am I ready to say take, Lord, receive in this instance?  As is my custom before the scan, I usually implement a few prayer requests so that I am well surrounded by faithful people.

On this side of the results of the scan, I think I felt calm going into the medical appointment. The scan itself was a different story. After thinking how ridiculous the whole process seemed to me–really, how important is it that I find out I am closer to dying than I was three months ago?–I started to cry in the scanner.  I know how stressful the appointments are to my loved ones. The lovely staff person brought me a tissue and asked if she might hug me. You’ve been through a lot in a short time, she said. She is correct. However that said, I believe that I have 12 wicker baskets full of goodness left over. I have more than enough. Even in that teary moment, God provided an angel to wipe away my tears and make me feel better. I am deeply grateful for all that I have. How about you?

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Can you recall a moment when you had all that you needed?

How willing are you to let go and offer everything back to God?

Prayer

Take, Lord, all that you need so that I may have enough. Enough is simply enough. May I be grateful for all that I have.

 

 

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Fall in Love

Posted on August 1, 2016 by sstyves

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Fall in Love
Attributed to Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ (1907-1991)

Nothing is more practical than
finding God, than
falling in Love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read, whom you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in Love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

What is it that gets you out of bed every morning? As you go through your day,  what captures your attention?  On this feast day of St. Ignatius,  we are reminded once again that God is in all things. God who has created us has blessed us with every good thing. We just need eyes to see all the blessings that are bestowed upon us.  Mary always nice to see.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection  questions

What is it that gets you out of bed each morning?

Do you see God in all things as you go through your day?

Prayer

Maker of the Universe, you have given all to us. Give us eyes to see all of the gifts you lavish on us. Teachbus his to fall in love with you more and more each day. Amen.

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Spoiled Clay

Posted on July 28, 2016 by sstyves

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The Potter image is a beautiful one, especially if you are an artist. I have friends who are potters, happily sharing the work of their hands. In Jeremiah 18, God is likened to a potter. The Lord tells Jeremiah to go down to the potter’s house and listen for a message. Jeremiah finds the potter working at his wheel. As he watches, the vessel that was being created was spoiled and the potter simply reworks it into another creation, equally as good to him. God tells Jeremiah that people are the same–that God can fashion the spoiled into goodness.

Psalm 146 extols the Lord, as the psalmist promises to sing praises for the remainder of his life. Those who trust in the Lord, whose hope is in God, will be happy. This Creator can bring goodness out of spoiled goods. Lauren Daigle has a stunning song called Trust in You.  I find solace in it. The Potter image seems to fit in the images she creates. When my life did not turn out as I had hoped or my pot is spoiled, I am challenged to put my trust in God who will rework it into an equally beautiful masterpiece. Daigle talks about her experience of grieving the passing of her grandfather in a video which taught her some valuable lessons about trusting God.

I believe Daigle’s grandfather’s experience of passing over, when that thin veil crumbles to the ground and heaven shines through as the one leaving is welcomed Home. He was remade-transformed–into a new and beautiful work of art. He was a cheerleader for Daigle and yet he was not able to see her career took off on this side of heaven. We do not all get to see the outcome of our work–like Moses not entering the Promised Land. We need to trust that the work we begin will be complete by the One who has created us and refashioned us. As I have often said, I am in good hands because I am in God’s hands. What seems like spoilage may indeed be spectacular!

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

When in your life, was a time that you needed to be refashioned into something equally as good?

Do  you ever think about planting seeds without seeing the fruit?

Prayer

Potter God, shape my brokenness into something spectacular. Transform me into a vessel of goodness for your glory, always for your glory, not mine. Amen.

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Delight of My Heart

Posted on July 27, 2016 by sstyves

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Your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart Jeremiah confesses in today’s First Reading. Whenever I am struggling in life, I turn to the Word of God and the community of believers for strength. Scripture brings me hope.  When I need a gentle reminder that all will be well, I can find it usually within the bible or at least call to mind an encounter with the Divine to bring me peace.

I first heard the Word of God in English in Grade 1 and I feel in love with what I heard. The images captured my imagination and heart. I have read Scripture from cover to cover, but unlike many of my Protestant friends, I have not committed it to memory. I know the stories of the Old and New Testaments. Some I love; others I can leave, but most all hold treasures for me.

The Gospel Reading from Matthew 13 has Jesus explaining that the kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which someone found and hid; then in his joy he goes out and sell all that he has and buys that field. In another example, Jesus says it is like finding a pearl of great price. The person who finds it sells everything in order to buy it. The Word of God points us in the right direction. If we listen well, we will want to sell everything we have in order to buy this precious gift. Of course, the cost is high, but it should not deter me from paying the price. Jesus laid down his life for us so we know that he has our best interests at heart…even if we do not always understand it.

Through this adventure with cancer, I have felt a presence that is calming. I have no idea what lies ahead but I am appreciative of the sense of not being alone on those private moments that I have not shared with many people. I have lived this experience out loud, here in my blog and among many friends and acquaintances, but some moments have been just between God and I.  I am not completely fearless–I have had moments of being overwhelmed by how surreal this is–but I am not by any means paralyzed. I owe that state of being to my faith which is rooted in God’s Holy Word. Despite the fact that I am diagnosed with terminal cancer, I still have delight in my heart. I am still living with an open heart and much joy. Prior to mass today I answered the question of how I was to someone whom I had not seen for a few months. One quick word before mass began was my response: Grateful. That is because of the Delight of my heart.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

How does the Word of God make you feel?

What are you willing to do to inherit the Kingdom?

Prayer

Living Word, you are worth everything to me. You speak Truth and Love. You instill Peace and Joy. May I always hold fast to what I have heard from You and be ready to go out in joy and sell everything I have for the Pearl. Amen.

 

 

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Divine Bartering

Posted on July 26, 2016 by sstyves

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Have you ever bartered with God? Abraham did in the First Reading from Genesis 18, read this past Sunday.  He does not ask for a deal for himself though, but for the other righteous people left in Sodom.  He bargains for first 50 folks and then by the end of the dialogue, the town is saved for the sake of just 10 good people.

Cancer creates a need for bartering. I have been there both for myself and for others. My prayer for myself is a constant slow down the growth/spread so that I may finish certain tasks and spend quality time with loved ones. Keep me pain-free for a while longer.  A friend recently confessed that her sister who had cancer too was jealous of me because I seemed to have no pain while she suffered greatly. This may not always be true – I am beginning to have some discomfort at certain times – but I will take each  day that I am drug-free with much gratitude. My loved ones worry about the pain that I might experience.

So much of that resounding tick tock goes the clock mocks me because I sense I’m running out of time – time where my brain is still somewhat clear, my spirit peaceful, and my energy sufficient.  I could ask God for so much and even in Sunday’s Gospel I realize that persistence is necessary. Luke 11:1–13 has often appeared to me in times of trouble. I learned early on that “the ask” needs to be in accordance  with God’s will, not mine, that the greater good must be sought, not selfish wishes. This Gospel helps me to know that I need to think carefully about what I am asking and why, and so does the First Reading. We can barter with God if we are humble and wise. Psalm 138 tells us that the Lord regards the lowly, that when we walk in the midst of trouble, God preserves us. The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me so maybe bartering is not always necessary,  but it never hurts to ask.

Peace,

Suzanne

 Reflection Questions

Have you ever bartered with God?

Do you believe God will listen if you ask?

Prayer

Loving God, you know my need before I can even articulate it. Search my heart and let my words be pleasing to you. I ask in the hopes of receiving, and seek trusting that I will find, and knock, knowing you are already opening the door with a smile. Thank you. Amen.

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Hanging On

Posted on July 21, 2016 by sstyves

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Claw marks…we leave them all over things in life. I have a friend who is arriving next week and I should be cleaning the spare room or packing for the weekend but instead I am writing this blog post.   My home is a disaster area. I have had two years of fatigue and recovery so I have not made decisions about certain things. The result is that I am precariously hanging on by fingernails it seems. I am dug in pretty good….and I do not say that especially proudly. The piles around my home are frustrating.

Enter one kind friend who had offered to hire a maid service for me. I boldly asked if she would consider a decluttering company instead. She agreed.  God bless her!!! If I stayed put long enough I would be able to dig out but all this traveling has its down side. I com home, drop off one suitcase, fill another one, get on a plane, come home, and press repeat. Is this trip a big suitcase or a little suitcase?  Do I have time to open the mail today and give it my attention or do I move on?  Will I get to that stack of papers that I bought or do I just throw them away?

I am perched on a skinny twig on a high tree that is dead, easily broken, if I am not careful. My claws are wrapped tightly and my vantage point tells me a hurricane blew through the area, followed by a tornado. It has left me somewhat without power. I have a plan but I need to find days without interruption and that does not seem to happen much. When I was away last weekend, a friend suggested that I might need to draw my boundaries differently. She is right, of course. How am I ever going to pack up and move if I keep up this hectic pace? I see a change a-comin’.

My office is almost done. That will be high on the agenda for next week.  That means a couple of more bags and boxes here until I decide what to do with them. Friends of mine were sharing with me that Spark Joy phenomena and I find it very appealing. I am going to start that next week too, I think, with the help of my friend who is visiting.

I have always agreed with the adage Do not postpone joy to clean the bathroom but this clutter is getting somewhat chaotic so I must act soon.  I may need to start a giveaway box for family and friends. I will find a way to not hang on to those things I no longer need or find useful or beautiful. I long to be freer and more simple.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What do you hang on to that does not give life?

How can change happen in your life?

Prayer

Dear God, open my hands and let me raise them instead to bless this space of mine. Allow me to let go of all that hinders and binds me. Let me be free! Amen.

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Happy To

Posted on July 19, 2016 by sstyves

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Jesus is happy to come with us, as truth is happy to be spoken, as life to be lived, as light to be lit, as love is to be loved, as joy to be given, as peace to be spread. ~ St. Francis of Assisi

What in life makes you happy?  What does that happiness look like? I find myself somewhat emotionally exhausted today.  The past few days have been beautiful and yet charged with feeling. I am finding the leave-taking draining. Each goodbye is a question mark. Will I see the person again or not? I read this quote on Monday afternoon, sitting quietly by my friend’s pool alone. Dear St. Francis, I thought, you really do know our brother Jesus. You also know the great joy of Life. Truth wants a home;  Life beckons us to embrace it; Light loves to extinguish the dark; Love longs to transform hearts; joy begs to shared; peace wants to journey to the ends of the earth. Jesus is happy to be invited along on these journeys. What blessings we are bestowed!

My heart is full tonight. The weekend visits were so amazing and I have so many more excellent moments to treasure with friends. I am grateful for these memories that bring a smile to my face and a tear to my eye. Tonight as I hugged another friend goodbye, we cried. I promised I would still be here for Christmas and I meant it, though I had warned myself not to make false promises to people. I do think I will be here though. I sensed I was speaking Truth.  I cannot help the tears that fill my eyes when I say goodbye to faraway friends; neither of us want to pull away from the embrace.  Love longs to be loved.  Life is happy to be lived–I agree with St. Francis.

Jesus is journeying with us on this wild adventure. He is happy to come and dance with us in the joy-filled moments and weep with us when Truth shatters the Joy.  I do not leave home without my Jesus….I can forget to pack a number of articles in my bag but if I do not take Christ with me, I will not get very far. These teary moments that shred pieces of heart are sacred. I cannot always articulate how important those people I am hugging are to me–and I feel no pressure to do so. The tears, I hope, say it all: you are loved, you are precious, you have meant so much to me, thank you, God bless you,  I love you.

Jesus is happy to be there in that sorrow and I would rather not have anyone else there with us.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What are you happy to do?

Do you invite Jesus to come with you?

Prayer

Jesus, I am happy that you are happy to come with me through life. Help me to speak Truth, live life fully, love freely, shine brightly, give joy, and spread peace. Amen.

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Flying Away

Posted on July 18, 2016 by sstyves

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I am at the airport, heading home, after a weekend crammed with activity and emotions. How very blessed I feel about this particular trip. When I said goodbye to my Minneapolis friends at the end of May, I was not sure that I would see them again. This trip allowed me more treasured moments with them as well as other significant folks from the various parts of me life.

The weekend activities and the reading from Micah 6:8 today reminded me what is required:

He has told you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justice, to love kindness,
And to walk humbly with your God?

Once again I saw what God wants–do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with others as part of a tribe that belongs to God. On Friday night, the women who had come up for a visit with me at the end of May got together for supper. Three of us would make the trip south for the funeral for the sister of another friend.  We continued to reminisce about the past and to build new memories. After that, I met with friends who had had another significant impact on my life from a couple of decades ago. I had lived in the inner city of Washington, DC for a year with these folks. Their daughter, now grown, joined us and we quickly launched into deep conversation.   I always appreciate those relationships that take up exactly where they left off. I had a teary goodbye with those folks.

I may write more about the funeral in the coming week but I saw much kindness and strength in the 24 hours we were in Iowa City. I am heartened and have much rumbling in my head and heart about what I want for my own send-off now.  I was edified that there was so much Love in the gatherings. One of the conversations turned to the delight that the deceased person had for dragonflies. After she passed, a dear friend worked in her garden, visited by a dragonfly who followed her around, instilling a deep peace and joy within her.

Many who know me, know that I too love dragonflies. I have captured many with my camera from around the world.  Today as I walked with a man who I had not seen in many years, a beautiful orange dragonfly lighted on the flower as we stood chatting. Like all winged creatures, it flew away. One of the songs sung by my friend at the funeral to send  her sister off was I’ll Fly Away. I could not help but think that all of us need to fly away like dragonflies, Home, at some point. I am now home once again, having flown away a couple of hours ago and landed gently here.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Has there been a funeral that you have attended that has blessed you?

Have you ever had a visit from the Other Side after someone died?

Prayer

Help us fly away when the time comes, unencumbered and free, to be be with you in our Home.  Amen.

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Cicada Song

Posted on July 17, 2016 by sstyves

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Down here in Iowa, my friends and I take a walk after supper.  We find ourselves heading towards the river and discover a beautiful metal walkway through a tall grass prairie dotted with flowers. When we draw nearer, we hear them–cicadas. Night has fallen and they have happily begun their choir song.

We walk along enjoying the view and I revel in the “music”, occasionally searching for Pokeman. My friend tells me that cicadas live mostly underground for their lives and emerge for a brief time. I cannot help but think that they live to create music; to bring beauty to the world is their main goal. The brevity of their lives is not lessened by the gorgeous vocation they have given. Perhaps we are all called to do this with our lives but somehow we lose the way?

We return to the hotel. Our friend is chatting with her cousin. Just before we bid one another good night, the cousin tells us a story of how a pastor once said at a funeral of someone else that we were not gathering to mourn a death but to celebrate a life. That is what we will do later today – celebrate a life well lived, a song well sung, a beauty well shared.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What beautiful song are you singing?

Does length of days matter as much as how we use the days given?

Prayer

Creator, help me use the life I’ve been given to sing a beautiful song for the world to hear, no matter how many days I am given. Amen.

 

 

Posted in #Consolation, #Miracles, #prayer, #Travel, #YearofMercy, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why Attend Funerals?

Posted on July 15, 2016 by sstyves

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I am at the airport again. It is a common hangout lately. This time I am on my way to a funeral though. I have been avoiding traveling in the US since my diagnosis so it will be a quick trip, in and out, filled with as many visits as I can fit in. When I called my friend the other night, I found her to be upbeat even though I could hear the weariness     in her voice. We talked about the funeral plans for her sister and then she said it would be fun. I smiled. How delightful to think of the final send-off  as something fun! Most of us tend to dread attending these events.

Funerals though should be a celebration of life–of the one who has passed and of the ones who are present. We should remember and honour the deceased and uphold their loved ones with our presence.  We tell stories and smile.  We shed a few tears that the person will no longer be physically in our lives but take solace that a new relationship still exists.  We gather to acknowledge that this person was of value and made a difference by gracing the earth with his or her presence. We come because we may love the survivors of the loss and want them to know we share the sorrow they face.  We want them to know that we are with them at this challenging time. We can also count our blessings that we continue our journey here.

Our world sometimes seems as if madness rules. Yet another senseless act of violence headlines the morning news. Locally, a church was broken into and set afire. A funeral can remind us that Love wins. We gather in the name of Love–love for the deceased and/or for the ones who remain.  Despite the sadness, the most present emotions in the room are often Love and gratitude. This is one of the reasons why I attend funerals.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

When did you last attend a funeral? Why?

What funeral has impacted you the most?

Prayer

Creator God, you love us and when the time comes, you invite us to come Home. I pray for all those who minister to the dying, for those who accompany them, and for those who may be struggling to take their last breath right now. Merciful God grant strength and peace to each of these groups. I pray for relationships that are not yet healed, that peace could reign. May we all come to know that Love wins…all the time. Amen.

 

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