Every Valley

Posted on February 26, 2016 by sstyves

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Fair warning–grumpy morning people should avoid me. I have a tendency to dance while I prepare my breakfast.  I crank the tunes and just start moving once I hear something I like. This morning it was this song that caught my attention and made me stop what I was doing to move to the music. The irony of this song for some will be that it is a challenge song and yet has this upbeat tune. If you listen to the words, the joy comes through and does make you want to twirl around the kitchen.

And I will say….Every valley made me lift my eyes up, every burden only made me stronger….sings Meredith Andrews in a song called Deeper. The every valley line resonated with me. I have had many people ask me about suffering this past year. I have no real insights but I do know that whatever I have gone through, I have leaned into my faith, rested in the arms of Jesus and trusted that all is well. The song frames walking through the flame by a choice–and I will say. We could say other things. We could curse God. We could rant and rave about the unfairness of it all. We might miss a whole whack of joy if we go that route. For me, for this moment, I have chosen joy. I am nowhere near rock bottom on this adventure but I hope that I may still make that choice when the finish line of this race draws nearer.

Today’s readings show how God has plans that we do not comprehend in the moment but are glorious in the long vision. Joseph is thrown into a pit, almost murdered by his own brothers, and sold into slavery in Egypt. If that were the end of the story, sorrow should rise but it is not. The landowner’s son is beaten and killed in the Gospel, a parallel story to what God’s Son is about to endure. If this too completed the tale, weeping should overcome us… but it is not. We know that God had awesome and victorious dreams and schemes to startle us into realizing just how the hopeless situation can be redeemed. This is why I can dance still every morning and make my joy go deeper and deeper. My story is not yet done. Death has no victory over me and until I die, I choose to live with joy.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What makes you dance?

What valley is making you lift your eyes up?

Prayer

Mountaintop or valley,

Rock bottom or pinnacle,

My joy will run deep

because You are there.

Praise be to your Holy Name.

Amen.

 

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Dressed in Purple

Posted on February 25, 2016 by sstyves

purple cloth

Lazarus, hunger and hurting, is our worst nightmare. The rich man, dressed in purple and in fine linen, is oblivious to his privilege in today’s Gospel. He feasts daily without really noticing the poor and starving Lazarus, though he does seem to know his name. When the rich man dies and goes to Hades, he spots Lazarus across the chasm and asks that he may serve him. He wants mercy yet shows none. He also shows no remorse for his former sins of not helping Lazarus.

How often do we too not see our sin and expect that we will be rewarded for behaviour that is not fitting of the Kingdom?  I know that I am a sinner but I do not always see the ways that I sin. I hurt people in deed and with word. I have had a career that has had me interact with numerous people over the decades. I know that more than once when I have done my Examen I see that I missed the mark. I commit to doing better and then I continue to not know my sin.

In the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius, an emphasis on knowing your root sin helps people to turn away from the patterns that imprison them. I find it an honour to accompany retreatants as they hold up to the Light that which binds them so that they may be free of it. Some work harder than others to unearth their treasure–and it is a treasure, as painful as it can be to realize.

In this Year of Mercy we must be kind to ourselves and to one another. Look to the prophets, as Abraham suggests in the Gospel, for examples and instructions. I do not think that the rich man was mean; he was ignorant and distracted like we all can be. As creatures, we do not recognize the Creator at all times. We must keep an eye out for God in all things and then practice mercy and love.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What is an example of how your privilege blinds you to those in need?

What act of mercy can you do during Lent to celebrate what has been bestowed on you?

Prayer

We dress in fine linen and purple. We feast without famine. We do not see the hungry, the poor, the sick, those who terrify us. We block them from our vision but expect you to see us and act with mercy. And you do. You always do. Teach us to repent, Creator, of all that binds us and keeps us from being free. Amen.

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St. Suzanne?

Posted on February 24, 2016 by sstyves

St.Suzanne

Some moments in this adventure are a bit more surreal than others. I met for two hours with a funeral director today to gather information to begin to make decisions about my funeral and burial. We reviewed cremation, burial and green options. We talked about the roles of various people and how to prepare for them to make their job easier. We discussed the obituary and the reception. He was impressed with how decisive and thoughtful I had been already. Heck, we even got into a bit of crazy talk. I am sure he must have thought then I was a nutcase but I do not mind. I have been called worse.

Speaking of monikers, some of my friends jokingly call me St. Suzanne. The other day when I was chatting with a friend about leaving the library at my church some of my books, she laughed and said she would put them in the St. Suzanne Room. I decided to share the crazy thought that had popped into my head. What if I am really a saint and I go for the cremation option? No one will ever know that I was an incorruptible.  Our black humour spiraled downward a little, as she suggested that I keep my clothes for remnants and I retorted that there would be purple remnants everywhere! More reverently, she recommended I go with the traditional burial.

Who knows if we are saints? We most certainly know that we are sinners–forgiven and loved. The funeral director must have been shaking his head after I left. He had asked me what it was that was leaning me towards burial versus cremation. I did say that I always thought that burial was the way I would go even though the Catholic church permits cremation now and my sister was cremated and my parents will be.  I decided to come clean about the incorruptible concept in the end, too.  I have pretty thick skin so if I later became a lunch hour joke, I do not mind. Can you hear it now? So…I had this client this morning…..

I do not know that I have shared this on this blog prior to now. When I was in Assisi in the summer of 2014, I had an odd mystical experience that I have come to now understand as a premonition. I had spent an hour or so in prayer before the San Damiano cross and felt oddly unsettled. Usually when I pray I have a sense of God’s presence. I did here too but there was no interchange.  It felt as if I were talking to the air about what I should do with my life. I decided since God did not seem to be responding that I would move on, having talked at God for what seemed like too long. I continued my meanderings and arrived at the tomb of St. Clare, one of the incorruptibles. As I stood there for a moment, I was overcome with grief and began to weep, but it did not seem like the tears were mine. They belonged to God.

The incident unsettled me again. I went upstairs and encountered a nun who offered me a biography of Clare in English to buy. I read it but nothing resonated for me as an answer to the weeping. By the end of September, I remember saying to some friends that I thought maybe I was in a fight for my life when I first came back from seeing my new family doctor. Something seemed off to me.  I kept returning in my mind to that moment at the tomb and sensed that God was preparing me for what was to come.  A sorrow I have never known came with that weeping–and I have known heartache. A niggling awareness that God was asking me to prepare for this moment has never left me.

That brings me to this train of thought that I keep toying with. God knows the overall plan. I most certainly do not. I am not at all sure why this is how my life will unfold but I do know that I have no entitlement to a long life and that God will use how many ever days there are to create good from this. I do not believe this is a punishment. My God is not testing me. My faith is strong as ever and I do not feel a need to pray for a miracle. Does that make me a bad Christian? I am not opposed to a miracle or even asking other people not to pray for one. I am not resigned to my fate but not clinging to false hope either. I am not yet convinced it is a reward or a special privilege as some suggest. It just is what it is–my final walk. I pray for grace to do it well. I hope that others will find hope and comfort watching. I believe God is working on something that I have not yet understood but as this unfolds, I trust that I remain in very good hands. The Ignatian principle of detachment from a long life holds true for me.

My sainthood might be crumbling before me with these crazy ideas. The halo might have slipped off and rolled off into the dark by some people’s standards. That does not matter much to me because I will keep moving forward, my eyes on Jesus. That is the One voice that I will listen to. My sainthood may be questioned by many–myself included–but I maintain that I am first and foremost a child of the Beloved and that is what my obituary should say.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What do you envision for your funeral and burial arrangements?

How do you view a short life over a long life?

Prayer

Creator God, you know the length of days each person has on earth. Help us to accept that you have designed our lives for a purpose that we may not completely comprehend. Detach us from the sense of entitlement that goes with a first-world life. Keep our eyes fixed on you as we trust that you know best.  Amen.

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Reflecting Christ

Posted on February 23, 2016 by sstyves

Eucharist.

I attended a funeral for a 45-year-old man today, the son of friends of mine. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. The church was packed. His mother gave a touching eulogy and moved the crowd with her courage and love. The man in front of me, who I did not know, had tears flowing from his eyes, falling into his lap. He did not seem to be embarrassed by his emotions and all I could think of was my own father.

I knew some of this young man’s story but not all of it. I had not heard the near-death encounter that he had experienced even though I was well aware of the tragic car accident that killed two other people while the young man and his aunt survived. God sent him back for a purpose, I suppose. He was given almost another 30 years. Maybe that was one of the reasons as revealed in the story his mother told of how he jumped in the river one time to save a stranger from drowning.  We never really know how our lives effect others or how we reflect Christ in our world.

Four weeks ago today I was told that my cancer had returned and that nothing could be done. Since that time, many people have emailed, telephoned, or written me to tell me how my life has impacted theirs. Honestly, it has been overwhelming. I knew that my actions have the opportunity to heal or hurt. I have not always been aware of how the little things are huge things for others. We all do those things–smile at someone whose life is crashing without any external warning signs, listen to a conversation that means much more to the person who needed an ear than we realize, or compliment someone without the knowledge that their self-esteem has hit rock bottom. Grace is at work in those moments.

Somewhat humbly I admit that I have always known that I am a good person, but I am discovering what that really means now. I see the blessings and I see that how I have chosen to live has been consistent and honest. Prior to leaving for the funeral, I chatted with an artist friend of mine who sees the world with eyes that catch what others may miss. Our topic was in essence about embracing death. I was saying how I still do not know why I am living this experience out loud but I keep feeling compelled to. I recognize that people are engaged with it, for whatever reason. Later my friend said I had blessed her day with our conversation. Equally, I thought she had blessed me tremendously with her wise observations.

While at the funeral, I talked with one of the nuns I know. At the end of it she commented that I was a witness to suffering. When I said that I believed I was not yet suffering, she smiled and said that I was a witness to mercy then. We reflect what we know. We recognize the Christ qualities and the Presence of the Holy. She had embodied compassion and here she was affirming me.

The young man with the bright smile and quick wit left this world much too early, as I will. Who knows why this man did not die in that car accident? Who can say why he was called home now, having cheated death once?  Those are not the important questions. He was a reflection of Christ. We all can be. Length of days maybe does not matter if we are not about our Father’s business. How are we living this moment to the glory of God? That is the real essence.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

How have you reflected Christ recently?

When did you last have Christ reflected to you?

Prayer

May my face shine with your glory, Lord. Let my eyes sparkle with your compassion. Allow my smile to bring Light to someone’s darkness, joy to someone’s pain, mercy to hard-heartedness, and peace to the troubled mind. I pray that I may reflect you to all I meet and that I may recognize your reflection in those who I encounter. Amen.

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Transfigured Lives

Posted on February 21, 2016 by sstyves

147Today’s Gospel is the Transfiguration, one of those beautiful and mystical stories in Luke. Reading it today made me think of three things. First, we long to cling to the good experiences in life. Second, as a pastor reminded me today, there is a thin veil that separates us from the other side. Third, when we have a God-experience, we radiate that Love and Light in a way that creates a deep longing in others.

When we have a mountaintop experience, it is a challenge to come back to reality. We have all had those moments–a great vacation, an evening with a loved one, an exquisite meal, the quiet beauty of a hike in a forest, laughter amongst friends that makes you glad to be alive, the completion of a task done well, the adrenaline rush of successfully pushing past your fears and doing something that scares you, saying goodbye to someone we have lost.   Those highs are addictive and we wonder if they will be experienced again…and so we cling. The moments that are most holy in our lives are often quiet and moving and a little bit different than a feel-good rush. They leave an indelible mark on our spirits. We never forget them. In many ways, those mountaintop moments live on forever and change us at our core. I am sure Peter never wanted to head home but when he did that transforming time niggled at him every day, begging him to remember and to integrate it into his life.

When we witness proof of the Other Side, as the disciples did, we realize that we remain connected to all that has been and all that will be. Just as the disciples, we do not always talk about these mystical mysteries afterwards. We stand as sacred spectators who are often speechless at what was observed.  A lifetime could pass before we comprehend it, and maybe not even then. We look at life differently after that. Maybe we do not fear death so much after we have such an encounter.

What does happen in both instances is a subtle shift that makes others wonder what it is that person knows that cannot be explained. Something about the person is appealing. Is it as in the Second Reading from Philippians that they know that their citizenship is in heaven? Have they learned to let go a bit? Have they glimpsed something incredible that they now believe without a doubt? They now seem to radiate Love and Light in a way that creates a longing for those around them. They have become a wee bit like what they witnessed–a bit holier, somewhat mysterious and a pleasure to be around. May we all be so blessed as to receive such moments and people in our lives.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Do you know people who have been transfigured by a mountaintop moment? What qualities do they possess?

What mountaintop experience has left an indelible mark on your spirit?

Prayer

Dazzling Light

prophets reunited

mystical moments

sacred spectators

How blessed are we!

Amen.

 

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Prayer Presence

Posted on February 21, 2016 by sstyves

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“Whenever I go to the chapel, I put myself in the presence of our good Lord, and I say to Him, ‘Lord, I am here.  Tell me what you would have me to do.’  And then, I tell God everything that is in my heart.  I tell him about my pains and my joys, and then I listen.  If you listen, God will also speak to you.”  – St. Catherine Labouré

Today* I gave a talk on prayer to about 25 young people and wished I might have used this quote. The group was pretty quiet but I gave them hands-on experience with praying in a variety of styles: with song, lectio divina, contemplation, intercessory prayer, and the Examen. I handed each of them a string with a knot tied in it and asked them to think about one thing that they want to ask Mary, the Undoer of Knots, to untie in their lives. I suggested that they keep the string in a pocket and each time they touch it, that they ask for Mary’s help.

At the end of it, I asked them which prayer style suited them most and what they might try to incorporate in the week ahead. Many said that they enjoyed the Examen, an Ignatian daily tool for looking over the last 24 hours to see where God has been present or where being attentive to God was lacking. Several also said that they liked the “knot thing”.  I am glad that these young folks learned some new ways to find God–of talking and listening to God.

What was clear to me in sharing my love of prayer was that we all resonate with the Divine differently. Some of us find the Sacred outdoors, in a forest, on a mountain, beachside, in a garden, or watching a sunset.  Others encounter the Holy on their knees in a traditional worship space or a quiet prayer place that has been created for this purpose.  A few like to recite ritual prayers while others sit and breathe. God does not value one form over another. God values that you place yourself in the Presence lovingly, with an open heart, saying Here I am. To develop a deep friendship, we must interact without walls, without attempts to be someone we are not, and without an agenda to change the other person. We must simply be.

Lent offers us an opportunity to draw closer to God. May we be open to telling God everything that is in our hearts.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What is your favourite style of prayer?

What can you do this Lent to draw closer to God?

Prayer

You untie our knots while binding us closer to you, Holy One. Funny how that works. Release me from all that binds me, except for those cords that chain me to You. Amen.

  • I tried to post this on Saturday but the Internet went down
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Thread of Hope

Posted on February 16, 2016 by sstyves

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People have sent me the most amazing and thoughtful gifts. This crocheted angel arrived today and made me cry.  The friend who sent it to me visits an inmate on death row. She enclosed the winged one in the card that she sent, writing an intriguing story about the man who had made it. She has visited him for half of his 40 years in prison which is a huge commitment. His story is heartbreaking. When I worked with my friend many moons ago, I was in charge of a section of a magazine that linked inmates to pen pals on the outside. Sometimes I would read a request and feel tremendous sadness for a particular situation. Once in a while, I would come across a scenario that was one of injustice and I believed the person had not committed the crime, as is the case with her friend. This story reminded me of those letters and of a friendship with an inmate that I visited at the penitentiary near me.

I find that one situation will trigger a dozen other life events for me, as if I am living magnified in a tumbler spinning out of control. Life gets compacted into seconds. Anyway, I linked the letters to this angel to my current prison ministry and found great solace as I cupped the crocheted cherub in my hand. my friend was paying homage to me by saying that as with her friend, I had taught her much about courage, perseverance and grace.

As I read his story, I am humbled to be compared to such a man. Because I have not asked to share his story, I will not here, but suffice it to say, that he has had a challenging go of life. When I searched his name on the Internet, I was disheartened to read more about the injustices he is facing. He has never really known a stable life but maintains that he did not commit the murder that he is accused of. For many years, he passed the time in prison by creating crocheted art. He asked my friend to share his angels with those who need a reminder that God loves them. In this Spirit, she gifted me with one, reminding me that the Spirit of Life makes a way out of no way.  As I touch the strands I will recall that there is always a thread of hope, even in the darkest night.

The arrival of this gift was perfectly timed.  I have had a rough day emotionally. I met with my supervisor and began to pack up my personal belongings from my office. I had not expected it to be as hard as it was but suddenly the impact of closing my career door in an untimely manner slammed me in the face. My supervisor has been one of my favourite bosses in my life and I am grateful for all the support she has given to me over my tenure. I have learned a lot about grace, flexibility and affirmation from her.

From that experience, I moved on to another meeting and at the end of it, the priest involved suggested that the work that I was doing was going to be blessed because I was doing it with great freedom, which meant that we both understood that I will not benefit directly from the tasks that I am doing. I am helping to scatter seeds, knowing full well that I will not see the flowers coming up in the garden years from now. Tears flowed once again.

I came home to find the remarkable story of how this angel found its way to me and again, cried. Yes, these threads of hope will sustain me. I name this angel Hope. I join with this man who has suffered more greatly than I ever will, wrongly accused, sentenced to death, and left for decades in a cell. I pray for all those who need hope in their lives. I still believe in Hope and this winged weaving will be a visible sign that God will make a way out of no way.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What gift that you have been given has special meaning to you?

What thread of hope are you hanging onto?

Prayer

You who makes a way where there is no way startle us into believing Hope endures. Under the darkness of night, the winged one flies to our aid. How blessed are we!

Amen.

 

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Live Lovingly

Posted on February 14, 2016 by sstyves

angel bear

The angel bear statue at CancerCare looked oblivious to the icicles on its wings as it reached down to minister to someone. It could well be me that is being embraced. I think that undistracted dedication is how my angels guard my every move too. The Psalm today is 91. It seems like an extraordinary  gift that is fitting for  Valentine’s Day.  A well-known one, it carried me through the early days of my medical maze. I would listen to this version of the song almost nightly, imagining angel wings wrapped around me. I slept soundly, secure in God’s love.

Satan in the Gospel refers to this Psalm when Jesus is tempted in the desert.  He tries to convince Jesus to put God to the test regarding his loving care. Satan fails to trick Jesus who stands strong. He knows that God is a God who loves him. He does not follow Lucifer into the mind games being played out. We can do the same.

This Valentine’s Day, who do you count on for loving you? Who would you never betray? Jesus is my Beloved and has been for most of my life. I came to love him early on and I trust him more than anything. I know that not everything makes sense to people right now, but that is OK. I do not pretend to know everything.  I do know that right now, I am still trusting the Holy Trinity.  That is all I know how to do. I am very loyal to the Three-in-One.

On this day of Love, so highly commercialized, I find myself grateful for the outpouring of Love to me shown throughout my life but especially for the last year and a bit. I had this conversation with my social worker at CancerCare on Friday about how many people are saying I love you now and how those same words flow from my lips or through the keyboard into cyberspace. I have always known that I am loved but I see both men and women risking vulnerability to let me know that my life has blessed them. Equally I am learning to be vulnerable with my earth angels.

A strange phenomena occurs sometimes at the end of an outing. The person turns around, before they leave, teary-eyed. I am recognizing the pattern so I too begin to cry. The truth of what had been left unsaid comes out at the last minute. Raw vulnerability spills forth. This is Love. So many people have been left speechless at the news. Some eventually find words…beautiful, meaningful words. I find this overwhelming but pure gift. I try to respond with equal amounts of grace though I am finding it a challenge to keep up with the email correspondence. Today I spent some time responding to ones I had received earlier. On this day that celebrates love, I felt drawn to make some time to do that.

We are creatures who do not like to bear our souls but I do not think that is how God made us. We guard our hearts and our words. I think we were made to live lovingly. We never know how long we have; we should not hold back on being loving. We should not wait until we have months left to live or before it is too late. Friends of mine lost their adult son suddenly this week. He was not feeling well and went to rest for a bit. He never woke up. I cannot imagine how devastating that must be. I am grateful for the chance to hear what people have to say and to be able to tell people how important they have been in my life.

We hold back in life, waiting for the right moment, or some magical sign that may never come. If I could encourage people to do one thing in my memory, this might be it: live lovingly. Do not wait to say I love you. Do not let fear keep you stuck. Let love rule your heart, while common sense prevails in your head. Love those around you. Delight in life. Dance in your kitchen. Laugh out loud. Be distracted by beauty. Create joy. Let gratitude overtake you and spill from your mouth and deeds often. Be vulnerable sometimes. Take risks. Act with kindness. Look in the mirror and stop criticizing. Believe in yourself. Serve the least of these. Forgive more easily whenever possible. Let it go. Listen to yourself and hear the contradictions in your own story–and then set about to remedy that. Do not always put yourself last. See God in each person you meet and in all creation. Trust that God is with you at every moment–even in the temptations.  Life is magnificent. Embrace it completely.

This Valentine’s Day think about Love differently. Open your heart to wonder and joy. Ask fear to stop interfering. Tell those special people in your life that they mean the world to you. In the next week, decide who you are going to tell that they have made a difference in your life. Let it surprise and bless them.  I can only tell you that from my personal experience, loving words heal the soul. Help spread Love in a desperate world.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

How vulnerable do you make yourself with your feelings for other people?

In order to love more fully, what do you need to do differently?

Prayer

Gracious God, you created us in Love. May we learn to be free to say what is in our hearts and on our minds in order to bring blessings to all those around us. May we receive the Love that is given to us with gratitude and wonder. You so loved the world that you gave us Jesus, the Beloved, who longs for us to be whole and happy. Thank you. Amen.

 

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Choosing Life

Posted on February 11, 2016 by sstyves

cross

I awoke around 8:15 this morning and thought if I got moving, I could make it to 9:15 mass on this World Day of the Sick. I arrived late due to being stuck behind a snow plough for a bit. The priest was just wrapping up his homily. What I did hear struck a chord. The Readings today were some of my favourites–Deuteronomy 30 and Psalm 1. The priest linked these to the Gospel in a way that spoke to where I am as I begin Lent. Before us is the invitation to choose life which leads to Life, but not before we walk the road to Calvary. I am aware that last Ash Wednesday I was walking to Calvary, the diagnosis heavy as my cross. This Lent, I now have a prognosis and again, I walk towards Calvary, cross weighing on me and those I love. My eyes are now on Life.

I choose life. I choose Life. I do not choose Death. Death has no victory over me. I have said before that this is not a battle that I will lose. This is a win-win for me. I have been reflecting that without the procedure and surgery that I had last year I may have already been gone by now. Each day that I have now is a bonus–a beautiful gift. I am very grateful for that awareness. It has not yet propelled me into action. I am still pretty much living in the moment, without any plans. Today I saw my family doctor and she did do a bit of a physical exam. I am good to travel, knowing some of the risks involved. My eyes are not on death. My eyes are on my Beloved and the Life that is promised me. My mind turns towards life here and the glory that Psalm 1 reveals. I am going to take my delight in the Lord and yield my fruit in due season. I am going to bear fruit and blossom.

I will pick up the cross that I have been given and follow in the footsteps of my Saviour. Jesus underwent great suffering and was raised on the third day. He will be with me as I walk towards Calvary this Lent and for my remaining days on this earth. No one knows but God how long that will be but I am choosing life so that I may have Life.

At the end of mass, an older gentleman I know came up to me. Sue, is it true? I nodded, tears falling.  I tried to explain that most days I am fine but that the homily had sparked some emotions regarding the reality for my situation. I think he understood me.  Many rumours and stories will fly around about how I am doing both physically and emotionally. They will add some weight to the cross. Some Simeons will help me to carry my load. I hope that my roots will dig deep and weather the storms that will come in this regard. I pray that however I am, that people will know that spiritually I am in very good hands, God’s.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What is the cross you are carrying during Lent?

How are you approaching Calvary?

Prayer

I choose life, dear God, now and always. I choose Life. I choose to delight in You, as a tree planted by streams of living waters. I will take up the cross and follow you every day as we walk towards Calvary. Beyond Calvary is Life. Lead on! Amen.

 

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Marked

Posted on February 10, 2016 by sstyves

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We are a marked people. We bear the sign of the cross on our foreheads on Ash Wednesday but we also have it carved on our hearts every day we choose to follow the Beloved. The readings of the day show a God who does not give up on us. This slow-angering, merciful God keeps showing up even when we do not. Such is the indelible mark on our souls.

Joel lets God speak of enduring love in the First Reading:

Even now, says the LORD,
return to me with your whole heart,
with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;
Rend your hearts, not your garments,
and return to the LORD, your God.

God coaxes us back, hoping to win our hearts. Return to me with your whole heart. There is no half-hearted commitment when we follow God. A single-heartedness is required. The Gospel of Matthew explains that God sees our secret deeds and repays us for them. When we act, fast, and pray, God is paying attention to these hearts of ours. God knows our motivations. You cannot fool the Creator. As we begin the Lenten journey through the desert, we can only con ourselves. God is hoping that you are all in this Lent. Whatever you give up or take up, do it wholeheartedly. Let it change your life. Choose something that scares you. Select a wound that needs healing or a habit that needs breaking. Transform a part of you that needs rending.

My father had cataract surgery yesterday. Today the eye patch was taken off and he was astounded by how well he could now see the numbers on the call display and the digits on the clock across the room. Lent can be like that if we peel off the film that prevents us from seeing clearly. We can be astonished by the clear vision we can gain during these 40 days in the desert.

Now is an acceptable time, we hear in 2 Corinthians 5, to cry out for a change of heart. God will hear and will help. I had the pleasure tonight of being with three people at mass tonight who have not been in awhile.  I teased one of them afterwards, singing Come back to me.  God can give our hearts exactly what is needed but we must make the effort to at least turn in the right direction. Come back to us, I sang out to the young man as we began to part ways. God sings that to each of us who wander from community.  Will you consider returning this Lent?

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

How does the indelible mark on your heart change you?

What do you need to see more clearly this Lent?

Prayer

You whisper with love and longing–come back to Me. Our hearts are marked God’s. May we know this without a doubt. May we return to you as we journey through the desert this Lent, fasting, weeping and mourning.  May we be astonished by a clear vision that reveals that now is an acceptable time. Thank you, Creator, for hearing us. Amen.

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