Up Against A Wall

Posted on February 9, 2016 by sstyves

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The Jian Ghomeshi trial is probably stirring up lots of emotions here in Canada, in the same way that the Bill Cosby accusations have in the USA. Not all women will react in the same way that I do. I find it hard to listen to the accounts and tolerate the shift in blame towards the women who have come forward. I do not know Ghomeshi personally. I am one of those people who thought he was attractive when he used to perform with Moxy Fruvous. Friends of mine are friends with his sister and I think about her as this trial unfolds, wondering how she is processing things. She is by his side, but I wonder, what she is really thinking as a woman.

Last night as I read how one of the witnesses is being badgered by the defense lawyer, I recognized her strength and was a bit awed by her ability to redirect the attention back to the perpetrator and not to her actions. I could feel deep sadness and anger creeping into my core being. Why is it that we re-traumatize the victim in these situations? I have watched Lady Gaga’s painful documentary video Til It Happens to You a couple of times.  I hope it never happens to you. I hope it never happens to me. I hope no more women I know have to take the stand in a court room and are made to believe that they did something wrong. The dynamics of violence are so complicated…we simply do not understand them.

A memory stirred last night, one I had not thought about in several years. I know I am one of the lucky ones, if I can call it that.  A long while ago, a male friend asked me to stop by after work. Something had happened and he needed someone to talk to.  I agreed. When I got to his place, he was half-dressed and apologized for just stepping out of the shower. That was my first red flag but I ignored it. We sat down and talked. He had had a blow-up with his girlfriend and sought my advice.  Before too long, my radar was blaring. Something did not seem right. I started to excuse myself and he asked me to stay, finally confessing to me what he really wanted. I reminded him that he had a girlfriend and I was not interested in him in that way.  I got as far as the door when he tried to convince me that being with him would be a great experience. I stood fast by my earlier decision. I did not foresee his rage. It seemed to come out of nowhere. He pushed me, slamming me against the wall.  I was stunned but somehow I reacted in a way that ultimately curtailed the situation. I got angry which is something people do not often experience. I told him not to ever do that to me again and then turned and walked out on his apology.

Our paths continued to cross…as did mine with his girlfriend. I confronted her about a broken leg that she had had. She could not look me in the eyes. Leave him, I pleaded. She eventually did. Other than her, no one else knew what had transpired. My shame of what I thought was my own stupidity and naivety silenced me.  He moved away and I forgot about the encounter until unexpectedly I ran into him in another city at a social event a few years ago. My heart raced and I wanted to scream to anyone that would hear me that he was an abusive coward. I took extra precautions as I went to my room that evening, pushing a few extra buttons so that if he had been watching he would not know which floor I was on. Do you comprehend how women have to live in fear, even years later?

I listen to young women in my life talk about the times they have had sex when they have not wanted to, women my own age share that they wished they had waited a bit longer before being intimate with men, and too many of my female friends disclose their stories of experiencing sexual violence. The stories weary the soul. I am tired of women being slammed up against a wall by men who think they can take what they want. I am tired of young boys insisting that their girlfriends do it here now because they have needs. I am exhausted in dealing with my rage that yet another woman I know has been sexually violated. When does it stop? When do we say that a no by someone really means no?  How do we learn that a yes means yes to making love, not being beaten up in the process?  When will it ever be safe for women? When will even women stop making it impossible for other women to come forward?  When I pleaded with the girlfriend to leave her abusive partner, she did not have the supports in place to do so. She was also convinced that she loved him–and he her. We have no idea what love really is until we know Love. Even then, most of us arrive at dating age, broken and brainwashed by images of women in the media. How do we change the messages that women receive?

Men are broken too, in many ways. How do they come to believe that hurting someone is pleasurable? Even so-called enlightened men surprise us with their bedroom secrets which is why both Jian and Bill have divided the camps. How can two men who were so well-known for the good things that they have done be so deceptively dark? Speaking Truth in these situations requires even more courage. I do not know how to heal the men in this equation either.  I just know that together we can bring Light to the subject and maybe that will be a start. God have mercy on us.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What emotions run through you as you read this?

What is one action you can take to change violence against women?

Prayer

Do you weep, Creator, as your creatures lash out in violence? We are up against a wall, O God, that only You can move. Heal us as both men and women. From the beginning, we blamed one another instead of trying to work out our differences. We need a new path in this desert.  Show us the way. Amen.

Posted in #Desolation, #prayer, #YearofMercy, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Bears All Things

Posted on February 8, 2016 by sstyves

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When I was in Germany in 2014, I discovered how much my two German friends loved bears. I thought of them when I saw this bear at the Ice Show the other night.  I find myself remembering many life events these days in a state of deep reflection.  I am so very grateful for love…and how it bears all things.

One of the challenging aspects of this time has been becoming aware of how my life has impacted people. My inbox has been flooded with words of love and admiration. Hugs and kind words spill forth from people when they see me.  I am more than a little overwhelmed by it.  When I first became sick I had this flashback to the opening scene of It’s a Wonderful Life, where all the prayers are being lifted up for George Bailey.  This past week or so,  the movie has taken on another likeness to my story.  I am struck by how despite all my failings in life, people have learned to bear with me, and to love me anyway, just like George. The messages are beautiful. People are now much freer to say I love you than ever before. I have always known that I was loved but now I see more clearly how my actions and words have impacted people in positive ways.

The temptation might be to not look at how I have negatively effected people but for now I will savour the goodness that people are sharing with me. Some of it is news to me. We sometimes have no idea how what we say or what we do impacts people, just like George Bailey. The joy is that I too can remember and share my memories of how people have blessed me and led me down a path that has changed me. If we live well, the giving and taking is an endless revolving door that moves in both directions.

In Lent, we can give up things, but alternatively we can take up actions. Maybe this Lent which begins on Wednesday we might take up the opportunities that present themselves to tell someone how much of a blessing that person has been in our lives. We might give up the fear that prevents us from doing that before it is too late. Wouldn’t it be more life-changing to tell someone I love you than it would to give up sweets?  I would guess that both of those will instill panic in most people’s hearts but one is more Kingdom work than the other.

Let’s bear our souls a little this Lent and show how much God loves the world by our own loving of one another.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Who in your life do you need to tell that they have been a blessing?

Remember a time when someone let you know that you had impacted them in a positive way.  What surprised you about this insight?

Prayer

Bearer of Love, you scatter all around us petals of a flower so fragrant that we are intoxicated by its aroma. Help us to share our hearts vulnerably in order to be a blessing to others and to receive the blessings offered. Dispel the fears that prevent us from being honest about our feelings. Amen.

Posted in #Consolation, #prayer, #YearofMercy, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Frozen Fish

Posted on February 7, 2016 by sstyves

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I went to an Ice Show last night and we found the fish that was frozen in the igloo. Today’s Gospel reading also talks about knowing where the fish are. The talented fishermen could not catch any until Jesus comes along and tells them where to let down their nets. Jesus had gotten into Simon Peter’s boat and taught the crowds.  When he was done, he instructed Peter what to do. They then caught so many fish, their nets began to break. When Simon realized what had happened, he acknowledges his sin. Jesus shows him mercy: Do not be afraid. The preacher convinces the fisherman that it is time for a career change.

Sometimes in life, we are like the fish in the photo. We are frozen. We cannot move forward.  We just keep on doing what we know without reaping results.  That can be a good thing but sometimes, we do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable and risk everything. The disciples today do the later, joining Jesus in his mission. They step out beyond their fears and open themselves to a whole new way of being in the world.

We may miss this important point in today’s Gospel and stay frozen or stuck in our comfort zones. Perhaps as we enter Lent later this week, we might step beyond the safe and trust that we do not need to be afraid. Perhaps, we might do something that will require everything of us in ways that we never dared imagine.  Maybe, just maybe, grace might break into our life and show us that there is something amazing within our reach if we open ourselves.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Where are you frozen in your life?

What if you were not afraid to leave everything? What would change?

Prayer

Fisher-God, catching us by our tails, holding us up, laughing and telling everyone, I caught one this big. You are proud of us, your treasured catch. We smile too in the photo that you take and hang on your fridge.  Amen.

Posted in #BibleStories, #Consolation, #Miracles, #prayer, #YearofMercy, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Looking into Faces

Posted on February 6, 2016 by sstyves

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I am part of an Ignatian Lay Volunteer group and we have retreats a couple of times a year. The theme of today’s was appropriately, mercy. In the Catholic Church we are celebrating a Year of Mercy. Led by a wonderful facilitator and joined by an amazing group of folks, we spent time together sitting in the merciful gaze of God for a few hours. The silence of this day was timely for me.

One of the reasons I love the retreat is that we use a mix of resources when we address a theme. Today was no different. We began with a traditional song that is well-known in Catholic circles–Blest be the Lord. We recited together the official prayer that Pope Francis has given us for the year. We shared Scripture and even a song by Leonard Cohen called Come Healing (also referred to as Gates of Mercy). We then retreated to quiet spaces for our own reflection times before we gathered again to share what transpired in that time and then did it again with fresh questions and resources.

For me what unfolded came out of a compilation of thoughts.  One of the comments that the facilitator began with was that our challenge was to look into the face of those who annoy us. These people who are unlovable drive us to our knees. We who know God’s love and mercy can accept God’s forgiveness. In turn, we can extend mercy to the ones who hurt us.

Sometimes when we look into the faces of the ones we love, we also need to show or receive mercy.  Last night I went to see the latest Nicholas Sparks movie, The Choice, a sappy romance that has a Sparks’ sad twist to it.  At one point early on, Travis says to Gabby You bother me. That becomes the standing joke between them as they fall in love, marry and build a life together. Gabby reminded me a bit of my playful side–the one that skips and twirls, the one who dances in the kitchen while making breakfast, the one that loves the beach, and the one that believes in the God who made the stars and the moon. I had a little flashback to the first man who I was ever serious about. I used to bother him with my answer to his questions–maybe, maybe not--and then I would laugh.  One winter night I danced around his car before getting into it and he thought I was insane but I knew that he loved me. We would show each other much mercy in the time we were together.

Sometimes, just like in the movie, our plans get turned upside down. The Cohen song opens with these words: O gather up the brokenness and bring it to me now.  Life does not always unfold as we hope. What we do when that happens requires much mercy. The song continues:

Behold the gates of mercy

in arbitrary space

And none of us deserving

The cruelty or the grace.

The odd thing about mercy is that none of us do deserve the cruelty or grace. How many times in life have we asked for mercy and received none? How many times did mercy visit when we knew it should not?

The Gospel Reading we were given to contemplate on showed Christ’s immense generosity where mercy is concerned. The woman washes his feet with her tears and then anoints him. At the end of my reflection time, with many thoughts running through my head, I placed myself at the feet of Jesus in this scenario. I could feel the deep love he has for those in need of mercy. That was a huge gift and comfort.

In the afternoon, we spent time with the phrase Be merciful as your Father is merciful and with the seven corporal and seven spiritual works of mercy. We had also touched upon Mary, as the Untier of Knots. As part of the Year of Mercy, I had received an email about this that very morning and so I spent some time with the image. What came to me was how I often do not experience mercy from my own mother, and nor do I extend much mercy to her.  This year, during my illness though, that has shifted a bit. I have come to see that we are both capable of acts of mercy.

I thought about mothers and teachers who must untie the knots of the shoes of children. The child is stuck in the shoe if they cannot untie it. Some manage to wiggle out of the shoe, but then they cannot put it back on, creating a whole other problem. I imagined Mary, bending down and untying the knots on our shoes, helping us to accept our limitations and our struggles. I imagined her looking up into my face as a child, as she undid the knotted shoelaces of my runners, with a smile that stilled my anxiety.  Looking into faces works both ways. I must receive the look of mercy as often as I give it. I later came across this novena that I may use as Lent begins later this week to have Mary help me undo the knots in my life.

The day was fruitful and I have much to consider further. I hope to be able to look into faces of those who bother me with the gentle eyes of Jesus who accepted both the woman who washed his feet and of his host Simon who judged him harshly. I want to have Mary gaze into my eyes and affirm me with her tenderness when I need it too.  Mercy has been shown to us and that is a gift to pay forward.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Have you received the look of mercy from someone recently?

What knot does Mary need to help you untie?

Prayer

Merciful God, you look down on us with gentle eyes as we weep at your feet and up at us as we struggle with the knots in our lives.  Undone, we are yours. Teach us to be merciful as you are. Amen.

Posted in #BibleStories, #Consolation, #Miracles, #prayer, #YearofMercy, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Broad View

Posted on February 5, 2016 by sstyves

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That party game that asks hard questions came to mind today. What if you had one year left to live? What would you change? What would you do? I actually posed that question to a small group of colleagues during a get-to-know-you exercise a couple of years ago. Now I am living that question. I do not know exactly how much time I have left and I know that God’s help line is overloaded with the miracle request, but I find comfort in my answer to that question.

The narrow view for me is to respond as a dreamer. I have taken the broader view and now at this juncture in my life, I find solace in that.  My answer was that I would not change much.  As I prepare to live out that reality, I am finding that this is true. What I did not know then, was that energy and wellness might factor into it. That is partially where dreamers can set lofty goals such as saying that we would travel around the world. Our bucket list–or as I have always called mine–my life list–needs as many ticks as possible. Well, here is why I think that is the narrow view. I apologize in advance if I am already sounding judgmental but bear with me.

I cannot remember how old I was when I first compiled my life list, but I think I was in my early 20s. I have never found the precious paper, despite looking. I must have packed it away in one of my boxes during a move and never unpacked it. The essence of it I know well. What I soon learned was that having a list made me explore life more fully, even if I did not check off every single box.  I have ridden both an elephant and a camel. I have not been up in a hot air balloon–perhaps I was not yet aware of my fear of heights at the time. I have been to many, but not all the continents. I have learned to cook amazing food–and in doing so, hosted some fabulous gatherings. I have not yet written that book, but four blogs later, most of you know much of my life story. I never did get married but I have been in love with some amazing men who loved me back. Not only did I do mission work in my beloved Africa, but I also had the opportunity to go to Guatemala which was a place I probably could not locate on a map when I wrote the list.

My point, in case you are wondering, is that I have spent my life living out my bucket list already. I feel really blessed that I figured that out early on. I can stand at this crossroads and ask what will I do with the time left and not panic. My life has been amazing; it has been beyond my imagination of a wild and glorious life. I do not feel a need to run out and try to accomplish many things. In fact, if I died in my sleep tonight, I would be as content as if I were to die six months from now.

I am sad that I will not get to explore more and meet new people.  I will not deny that.  This afternoon I thought about whether I should even develop any new relationships.  For a fleeting moment, my answer was no, but then I knew that was not who I am. I want to see every gift in front of me; I want to recognize God in all the people who present themselves to me.  Today, after mass, a lovely woman from my community placed a hand on my shoulder. I turned to greet her and responded to her how are you with I am fine. I observed the subtle shift in her facial expression. You’ve heard the news, I surmised.  She nodded and placed an arm around my waist. I don’t know what to say except that you are very much loved, she told me. Tears welled up in our eyes. I could only whisper thank you.

Thus alternatively, the narrow view might be to close myself off, to live the next months in fear, and to stop doing the simple things I love such as attending daily mass.  Instead I want to be vulnerable. I want to let people love me. I want to be with the people who mean the world to me and to make as many memories as we can. I want to continue to go to meetings, give teachings, write my blog, hang out with friends, see movies, and do banal things. This is the broad view in my mind. I want to keep living the wonderful life that I have.  Yes, that might include a faraway adventure with friends, but it will also include the daily events that I have created and cherished with dear ones. I still have a stack of books by my bed that I want to read. I will still show up for lectures to learn something new. I will watch the news and pray for my world, even as I prepare to leave it.

I have always believed that I have much to learn from the people around me and I suspect in order for me to be healed that I must still pay attention to the lessons offered in these coming months. This week of receiving messages of how I have impacted people’s lives and learning how much I am loved has been a tad overwhelming. George Bailey and I share some insights now. I want to be open to the graces that are presented and to integrate them into my psyche.  I have much to learn yet and that excites me.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

In a realistic manner, how would you respond to the question about how you would spend your life  if you were given a year to live?

George Bailey learned a lot as he watched Clarence take him back over his life in the movie, It’s A Wonderful Life. What do you think people might say about the impact of your life if given the chance?

Prayer

Give me eyes, Creator, to see with your vision, not mine. Let me see what is precious in the broad view. Make my heart open and vulnerable. Keep my spirit grateful and gracious. Let me live with joy and love. Amen.

 

Posted in #Consolation, #Miracles, #prayer, #YearofMercy, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Heart Happiness

Posted on February 3, 2016 by sstyves

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“I carry happiness in my heart. If I become ill, if I am persecuted, if I am dying – incidents of no importance. In reality all these things will contribute to strengthen my peace and to increase my happiness. In utmost tranquility, therefore, I rest in the arms and in the heart of Jesus.” (Luis Maria Martinez)

Today we celebrate the feasts of St. Blaise and of St. Ansgar. At the end of mass, parishioners were able to have their throats blessed by the priest, which came along with a general prayer for protection against every evil. I was glad to have this done as I keep moving through the news of the cancer. Any time I can receive prayer and a blessing, I am happy.

A friend of mine shared the above quote from Luis Maria Matinez as part of her musings about me. She questioned the part about incidents of no importance which made me smile. Yes, none of those situations are unimportant. They are life changers. I agree that I  carry happiness in my heart and I cannot explain this easily, nor do I take it for granted. This quote steers me in the right direction. Somehow through this challenging year, I have found myself often in the arms of my Beloved. I add to that image now that I can rest serenely in the heart of Jesus. The cloak that has covered me still does, but the context is now different–I see that Jesus folds that cloak over his Sacred Heart where I reside and I am under that protection. I carry happiness in my heart because my resting place is the heart of Christ.

In the mass missalette, a quote from St. Ansgar was used today:  If I were worthy of such a favour from my God, I would ask that He grant me this one miracle: that by his grace he would make of me a good man. I thought that these two quotes, seemingly unconnected, actually complemented each other well for my needs. I think that goodness that the saint prayed for was really a desire to live beyond what he was capable of, in the same way that Maria Martinez decided to live in the arms and heart of Jesus. This, for me, is the path to happiness. To live in a state of grace is my desire. I cannot predict what these next months will bring for me–nor can I promise to always be brave and calm.  I have not yet really suffered much–although many would disagree with that. I suspect that what is to come will be the hard part. I pray that I may make good, happy, and holy choices. Whatever strength and courage that people see in me belongs to God. When you look at me, may you always see the face of Jesus. Maybe that is why all the incidents are unimportant. The important goal is to keep your eyes on Jesus and you will find happiness there.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

When do you find yourselves resting in the arms and heart of Jesus?

How can God make you a good person? What would that look like?

Prayer

Let me rest in your loving arms, dear Jesus. Nestle me into your Sacred Heart where I can strengthen my peace and increase my happiness. Make me into a good servant, dear Jesus, so that all who see my face would see only Yours. Amen.

Posted in #Consolation, #Miracles, #prayer, #Saints, #YearofMercy, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hope Climbs Up

Posted on February 2, 2016 by sstyves

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Hope just climbed up onto my lap, wiped my tears away and gave me a hug was the email message that I received from a friend in response to the news I had sent her last week. This caused me to remember that sometime after Hope was born, I had the luxury of holding her at an event that her mom and I were at while we sat talking about the concept of hope. At the time, I was accompanying someone through a dark night of the soul who did not believe in hope. I could not quite wrap my head around that and neither could my friend. I do not mean that as a judgment but rather as how deeply hope is rooted in me.

Among a certain group of folks, hope is meaningless and holds out falsehood. That has never been my experience and honestly, even with the very hard news that I received last week, I still believe in hope. The hard news is that the cancer is back, even with the chemo.  I had hoped for a different outcome. I had wanted to remain cancer-free for a few months but that is not the case. Have I been wrong to hold on to hope these past six months? I do not think so. In fact, I would say that I have chosen to live as fully as I could even knowing that the odds were against me. Each day I prayed for joyful hope; each day, God graciously granted me that request.

I believe in miracles–I just do not want to box in the Creator of the Universe by defining what a miracle might look like. When I turned 50 a few years back, I wrote a vision statement for my life that began like this:

Life is an amazing adventure of receiving an abundance of gifts and returning them joyfully to the Giver. I live in celebration, finding God in all things, deepening my awareness that a Presence holds me lovingly and tenderly. I greet each new day with hope and happiness, expecting blessings and miracles.

Each day holds a miracle, each day can be greeted with hope and joy. I believed it then; I believe it now.  What I must recognize is that hope has been dashed for many people in the week since I received my news. In the slow revealing of the devastating news to family and friends, I have witnessed Hope crawling into my lap, wiping away tears and embracing me.  I think hope comes in the super-sized option too and that Hope does not disappoint. Hope may have been dashed but it is crawling up, even as I write this.

I have said before on this blog that I am not afraid to die. I had to face that reality last year going into surgery. I have known all along that this cancer is aggressive. That does not mean that I should have curled up in the corner and given up on Hope. Most of you who know me personally know I am not a quitter and I do not give up easily on impossibilities. I root around until I find a space that I am comfortable to stand in. For me, as a Catholic, I hold to the promises given to me by my faith. I have hope of an eternal Home. I know that I have Eternal Life. I believe that my sins are forgiven. My God is a loving God and this has nothing to do with punishment. All of these points are hopeful, joyous, and reason to celebrate.

That said, I also am filled with hope that each day that remains will bring a valuable lesson to me, grant me more opportunities to experience more miracles, and allow me an abundance of blessings in a myriad of ways. One of my friends in a beautiful message to me spoke of a sunset that he had seen after receiving the news. He said to me that beauty is right before us. I agree. We just need to see it! I saw that very sunset and it too stopped me in my tracks. I still want to be distracted by beauty every single chance that I have. We have choices at the rough places and I will still choose Hope because I am convinced that it will always crawl up.

Many things will try to tear down Hope. Fear is a good paralyzer. Doubt is a destroyer. False hope is Lucifer in disguise. Denial is dangerous. When I accompanied that man through his struggles with the demons in his life, he admitted to me, that though it sounded odd, he felt hopeless. Yes, that is an odd thing for someone who does not believe in Hope to say, but I liked to believe that Hope was trying hard to crawl up into his lap.

I will have more to say about where I am at in the weeks ahead.  I can tell you though that most moments I have that eerie dead calm that I talked about in my last post. I feel a deep peace at my core. That is a miracle. That is Hope.

Many people have responded to the news with beautiful messages of encouragement and love. I have not been able to respond to all of them but I am most certainly grateful as they give Hope the boost needed to keep crawling up. I am touched by the many affirmations of how my life has been of value, some in ways that I never knew. This has been a rather humbling time and I have wept over most of the initial messages. Now I find myself calmer by the ones that keep coming. Each day has brought several of these blessings.

I know this news has been excruciatingly difficult for my loved ones and dear friends. Look down, please. I think you will find Hope is wanting to crawl up, wipe away your tears, and give you a hug.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

How do you view life? What is your vision statement?

What is hope for you?

Prayer

Hope is crawling up your leg; not dead. Look down, help her up. Let her wipe away your tears and embrace you with her feathery wings. Open my heart to all that will be. Hope, I am in your good hands. Amen.

 

Posted in #Consolation, #Desolation, #Miracles, #prayer, #YearofMercy, Catholic, Christian, Faith, Ignatian, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

On the Brow

Posted on January 31, 2016 by sstyves

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The Second Reading today is well-known to believers and non-believers alike. Heard at many a wedding, Paul’s description of love can spill out of our own lips while we listen. We are told to strive for the greater gifts, the greatest of all being love. Love is a word some of us never fully understand, especially when adjectives such as patient, kind, rejoicing, bearing, believing, hoping, enduring, and never-ending are used. Hollywood has destroyed our understanding of love. We want it to be something that sparkles and shines but in reality, we need it to be a light that causes us to sparkle and set the world on fire.

We can see through the eyes of a child and not with the eyes of a sage. We know dimly what we catch a glimpse of in relationships that stirs something deep within. We know only in part and one day we will know fully.  Love is capable of so much more than we can ever imagine. I have over the years seen couples survive all sorts of atrocities because they understood that love might be tested in fire.  I have witnessed friendships survive because hearts and heads make decisions against logic and feelings. I have been blessed by seeing strangers do kind and beautiful deeds that originate from a Divine place within. Love calls for so much more than is humanly possible. The Sacred must be intertwined with this thing called Love in order to keep breathing Life into it.

The Gospel has a reaction from the crowd at the synagogue that is far from loving. They are amazed at the gracious words flowing from the mouth of Jesus and then cannot believe that it is the son of Joseph delivering them. Jesus has some harsh words for them and they turn on him, intent to throw him off a cliff. What could have been a relationship of Love turns into anger from the people. Jesus though walks away in peace and love from the edge of the cliff. Often, at the precipice is where relationships can fall apart.  Jesus however chooses to go on his way quietly.  I suspect he went to pray quietly somewhere for the ones who were ready to destroy him. He responds with Love. He keeps heading towards the Cross, which is the act that fulfills the Scripture he read.

We have choices when we stand on the brow of the hill. We can be hurled off, we can jump off on our own accord, we can push someone else over instead, or we can walk away and stay true to our mission, our story that must unfold as it should. We can respond in anger or we can dig deep into the grace of Love.  We always have a choice.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What is the most profound act of Love you have witnessed?

What has been your decision when you have been at the brow of the cliff?

Prayer

God of Love, God who is Love, God who loves…

When we stand at the brow of the cliff, let us act with the grace of Love. May we receive the greatest gift with gratitude. Keep our eyes on you and help us comprehend the meaning of our life in more than just that moment. Guide us on the path that you lay out before us and help us to remain true to our mission in this world without distraction.

Amen.

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Hello From the Other Side

Posted on January 30, 2016 by sstyves

Pier (1 of 1)

Their work done for the day in Mark 4, Jesus invites his disciples to go across to the other side. They get in a boat, leave the crowd behind, and Jesus falls asleep despite a wild windstorm that arises. His disciples awaken him, certain that they are perishing. Jesus commands the wind and sea with three words: Peace! Be still! A dead calm follows. He reminds his friends that there was no need to be afraid and that they need to be more faith-filled.  I suspect after that, he snuggled back onto his cushion and slept soundly, as the disciples were silently gobsmacked at what they had just seen.

Often in life, we think that Jesus does not have our situation on his radar, when clearly in this story, he sees it much differently than we do. Even when we may believe that Christ is asleep at the helm, he is in control. How do we even begin to understand this when the wild winds and waves beat us into terror? Fear is not from God.  We can acknowledge it–and must–but it is not where we must stand. We must plant our standard in Christ’s court and embrace fully the peace that is offered to us. Then what should happen is this eerie dead calm. When all around us, fear and anxiety rise, we, at the core of our beings, have a peace beyond our own understanding.

I have some stuff I have been dealing with this week and in the midst of it, I found myself alone and at Urgent Care at midnight. Earlier in the evening I had experienced some flashing lights in my left eye.  The retina in my right eye had detached a decade ago and while it was not exactly the same, I must admit that I wondered what was going on.  When I finally went to brush my teeth and head to bed, as I stared at the white sink, I noticed a huge floater in my eye.  I could feel the anxiety rising. Really? I was so annoyed to think that I might have to deal with another loss to this poor body of mine.

I walked over to Urgent Care which is very close to my home.  I knew from experience that driving was not going to be an option. My hood is very safe in my eyes but not everyone agrees. I arrived safely and checked in. I fell apart on the poor nurse who took my information. Despite the 3-hour waiting time, I was ushered in within half an hour. The nurse who should have been at the front desk wandered in to see me, asking if she could get me anything. As she went to fetch me a glass of water, I looked up and saw the crucifix on the wall. Thank God for Catholic hospitals! The dead calm settled into me.

The doctor gave me a quick check up and then sent me home to sleep because ophthalmologists do not really get woken up for issues like what I was experiencing. Then, because he had seen my chart and the notes that the nurse had made about all that I had been through this year he asked if I was with someone who would be taking me home. I said no. Now at 1:00 a.m. he was not going to release me to the streets. People get jumped here all the time, he told me. That was news to me and I did not really believe him. I guess because of some of the recent issues with health care, the hospital was liable for me. After great discussion, he put me in a taxi and sent me home where I slept soundly.

Yesterday afternoon, I saw a delightful doctor in his office and was told that the vitreous jelly in my eye had collapsed as part of the natural aging process. Most people probably do not even notice but because mine happened at night, the flashing lights concerned me. I was relieved when he sent me home without having to do any type of intervention, though he did say that I was in the early stages of macular degeneration in my right eye.

Safely on the other side of this curve ball, I can say, hello. Here is yet another lesson in trusting that whether Jesus is asleep or not, I should not shift into full-throttle fear. One word and a dead calm arrives.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

When have you been gobsmacked when Christ has transformed a moment of terror into a dead calm?

What do you say from the other side?

Prayer

Hello from the other side, Jesus. I thought you were asleep and panicked for a moment. I wanted to leap out of the boat for just a second, but then you knew my heart. You knew exactly what I needed and brought me safely to the the shore. Thank you for your abiding peace and dead calm. I ask for deeper faith and trust. We are in this boat together and all is well. Amen.

 

 

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Word Bearer

Posted on January 24, 2016 by sstyves

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Today’s readings are about the Word of God. In Nehemiah 8, a little read book in the Hebrew Scriptures, the Levites read from the Law of God and the people weep when they hear it. Ezra tells them not to be grieved but to know that the joy of the Lord is their strength. Psalm 19 sings out that the law of the Lord is perfect and the response is Your words, Lord, are spirit and life.  In 1 Corinthinans 12, we see the many gifts that the body of Christ possesses. Finally in Luke’s two Gospels that are sliced together today, we see the importance of how the word is fulfilled in Jesus.

I have been thinking about church for a long time and how the Word needs to feed those gathered. When it does not, the people starve and go in search of other food. By our baptism we are called to be priest, prophet and king. In any of these roles, we are word-bearers, following in the footsteps of Mary, who brought to us the Living Word. I have been having conversations with people about church and trying to figure out how to revitalize the mass I go to. When I started attending, the church had standing room only some nights. People were hungry for both the spoken and sung Word. The homilies were inspiring, the music phenomenal and the Word proclaimed beautifully. Some of those elements remain and yet, the population dwindles.  This makes me feel tremendously sad.

Not one to complain without trying to solve an issue, I have agreed to establish a committee to look at changing things up.  In general, church attendance is down. This is not just about my particular parish, but it is a Catholic trend right now in many places. People are not hanging on to the Word of God as they did in the First Reading and they are not recognizing their gifts as in the Second Reading and therefore do not step up to serve. They come and go, without engaging in community.

Protestant churches have some things figured out better than we do. I am wondering if we might learn a few things from them. On the other hand, Pope Francis is refreshing the Church as a whole with his ideas. The time is ripe for change. I pray that the Spirit of the Lord fall upon us so that we can proclaim the Word freely and enticingly to bring people back.  May the Spirit work in all Word-bearers to renew the Church.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

How does the Word of God move you?

Is there anything you can do to revitalize the Church?

Prayer

Plant Your Word in me, God.  Help me to sow seeds that will flower and draw people to You.  Your Word, O Lord, is Spirit and Life. May it be proclaimed as the Good News that feeds the hungry. Amen.

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