One More to Go!

Posted on January 5, 2016 by sstyves

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Today was the second last, or penultimate, session of my chemotherapy.  I expected to be sleeping most of the day but surprisingly, I was feeling not too badly after three hours of sleep. I can feel a calmness coming over me as I begin to ready myself to move away from feeling crummy all the time to feeling better. Oddly enough, there are some mixed feelings about the upcoming end. I am mostly excited and relieved that the end is very near.

Today as I sat in the chair and did my usual prayer time, I could feel the emotions arise. I am so close to moving forward. I could feel fear and anxiety crowding in for a moment to get my attention.  I wondered if I might be really sick for these last two sessions. I felt a peaceful presence. God is so remarkably good to me.  I wiped away a tear and tried to regain my composure. In a few minutes, the nurse that inserted the PICC line stopped by to say hello. I am not sure if she saw that tear trickle down my face but she came to plant hope and peace regardless.  She has been so lovely.  A little while later, a parishioner who works at the hospital surprised me with a brief visit.  I must admit it was wonderful to have her do so. She is a cheery, upbeat individual who I know is rooting for me, as she does for so many others.

The nurse who was working with me today affirmed my decision to sleep away the afternoon, suggesting it was the best way to stave off the side effects naturally. She is another one of the staff at CancerCare who has been a real blessing. So many of them have.  I think part of the reason there were tears was that I will miss this group of professionals who greet me by name, even if they are not working with me that day. I have never been real good at goodbyes.  I suspect next week the tears will flow more than I would like them to so I had better somehow prepare for that.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

How do you deal with emotions that do not make sense?

Who surprises you with kindness?

Prayer

God of surprises, You gift us with emotions that sometimes do not make sense to us. Let us be open to feel all of it and know that Your mercy will bless us. Thank you for all the kind people who serve us in our hour of need on Your behalf.  Amen.

 

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Other Roads

Posted on January 3, 2016 by sstyves

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While secular folks have taken the tree and moved on to the New Year, we Catholics should still be here celebrating Christmas. Today is Epiphany and despite many creche scenes being packed away, the Magi are just arriving at the site. The Christmas star has led them, as described in Matthew 2, to the manger, where it stopped over the place where the child was.  In actuality, unlike most artwork, Scripture says that the wise men entered the house, not the barn, where they knelt down and paid him homage. They opened their treasure chests and offered gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

These men had followed a star and reached their destination, overwhelmed by joy. Each of us can set out on a road, keeping our eyes on God and the signs shown along the path, to arrive at the place we have been seeking, and feel overjoyed.  When I went to the Great Lakes Region of Africa, my pastor at the time, encouraged me with these words since I left at Epiphany: Follow that star and who knows what road you will take back.

Sometimes the destination is the beginning of a journey we did not anticipate. A local songwriter, Steve Bell, and an Anglican priest, Jamie Howison, wrote Home Again/Old Sage together. I love so much about the images in this song. You can find the lyrics here: http://stevebell.com/2007/06/old-sage/.  As this New Year begins, I join the wise folks on the journey home as defined by the song lyrics:

And still the search goes on for
My way back home
I can’t go back the way I’ve known
And now the road for me has changed
Nothing seems to look the same
I cannot help but wonder if they struggled to find their way home, if their bearings had been changed so much that they could not even begin the first steps without pondering what had happened to them. Perhaps they stood there for the longest time, unsure of how to even begin to return home.
The trouble, if that is the word to be used here, is that an encounter with the Holy changes you forever. Sometimes, it takes a while for that knowledge to catch up to you.  As 2015 ended, I have found myself teary in my reflections. I marvel that I am here, still alive and able to serve the One who has protected me. When I review the year, I am overwhelmed. I know that it will take a long time to process everything that happened in 2015. As I try to find my way back home, I want to go back on a different road than the one that brought me here. This was a good and inestimable road, but the call is to find a new path, because the encounters with the Divine this year have taught me new lessons that I still must study. Nothing seems to quite look the same, and yet, lots is familiar along the way.  The gifts that I have left are precious. The gifts that I now carry are priceless.  I must make manifest the Holy that has been shown to me. Other roads beckon. I will walk them.
Peace,
Suzanne
Reflection Questions
Have you ever had an encounter with the Holy that changed you so much it disoriented you?
What are the gifts you carry with you because of that experience?
Prayer
Guiding Star, keep my eyes on you.
Lead me to the places that I am needed.
Bring me down roads that are unfamiliar.
These other roads require courage and trust.
Grant me these gifts as I walk
and help me to make manifest the Holy
to all those I meet.
Amen.
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2015 in review

Posted on January 2, 2016 by sstyves

I thought some of you might be interested I this review that WordPress puts out for their bloggers. I found it a bit intriguing.

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 11,000 times in 2015. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Mary, Queen of Peace

Posted on January 1, 2016 by sstyves

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Today is the Feast of Mary, the Holy Mother of God, the Theotokos as she is known in Greek. This day also marks the World Day of Peace. Of the many titles that the Holy Mother is known by, Queen of Peace is one of them. The photograph is of a piece of art that I bought from a man I interviewed in Burundi. Today, I am praying for peace in our world, but especially in Burundi.

I do not know if a new year held as much pressure for Mary as it does now for us. Many of us pull out our journals and scribble away our resolutions for the coming year–or as a more recent trend suggests, we choose a word that we hope will exemplify what is to come. A year ago today, I do not remember how I woke up. I had received the news the day before that I had a large tumour on my liver. I actually have not looked back in my journal today to see if I had made any long-term goals for 2015. If I had, I am sure that within the first two weeks, they would have pretty much crumbled into reality.

The trouble with making resolutions is that we are like the person in Scripture who stores up all the grain in bins and then learns that tomorrow he is going to die. In today’s Gospel, we read that the shepherds told Mary everything that they had been told about this child. Mary’s response was to treasure all these words and ponder them in her heart. I think we need to learn to do this more. To listen, receive the grace of the words and hold them lightly. The meaning will be revealed as it needs to.

One somewhat humourous example of how we do not do this happened to me one day some time ago when I was visiting with a male friend. I had checked my emails and a lunch invitation had come from a male I had met. I did something that I do not normally do and read the email out to the friend. What does it mean? I asked him. He wants to have lunch with you came the response. But what does that MEAN? was my question again. He wants to have lunch with you came the same response. Ah…..just receive the grace, treasure the moment and hold them lightly. What will unfold will unfold. We want to KNOW; we want answers. We cannot stand in the uncertainty.

Perhaps on this day of World Peace, the best way for that to reign in our hearts is to look to Mary and see that eight days later, probably still treasuring the words and pondering them in her heart, she went about the task that was hers–she circumcised the child according to tradition and named him Jesus as the angel had instructed her. She got on with her life and probably had moments of anxiety but somehow just kept moving forward without truly knowing what was to come. Yes, a visit from an angel might help us to do so with more conviction, but I believe that Mary still chose the path of peace by letting go and walking into the unknown with a heart full of trust. This is what comes to my mind as I look ahead to 2016. Stay in the moment. Treasure the graces there. Be amazed. Hold it all lightly. Life will unfold as it will. God will provide what is needed.

May 2016 be a year where the present moment is full of grace, just like Mary, for you.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions:

Have you made New Year’s resolutions yet? Did you pray what God wanted for you as you enter this year?
How can 2016 bring you more peace?

Prayer

Mary, Queen of Peace, show us how to hold lightly to each moment and to place our trust in God who alone knows our future. That is enough for us as we enter this New Year. May we be blessed and a blessing. Amen.

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Holy Families

Posted on December 27, 2015 by sstyves

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The feast of the Holy Family follows Christmas. We fast forward to Jesus, aged 12 in the temple.  His parents have frantically been searching for him. When they find him, Mary demands of him,  Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety.  Many parents I know can relate to the anxiety that Mary and Joseph must have experienced during the time when they had no idea where Jesus was.  Many parents also can relate to them as they do not understand what Jesus’ answer really meant. The generation gap is alive and well in language.

We can put the Holy Family on a pedestal or we can seek for the similarities between our families and this one. I think that Joseph and Jesus had fun roughhousing. I believe  that Mary tucked Jesus in bed each night and that they spent a moment in prayer together before she bent down and kissed him good night. I suspect that there were times when Jesus broke something  and Mary had to catch yourself from losing it. I would guess that there were nights when Joseph had to go out to the carpenter shop and take a moment, trying to figure out what exactly he had gotten himself into by marrying Mary. Perhaps Elizabeth visited Mary from time to time and they left their men alone so that they could talk  deeply about all that was unfolding with the children and ponder together what it all could mean. These are ordinary moments in any family. Our families are holy families too.

More than that, each one of us belongs to a holy family through our brother Jesus Christ. We belong to God and through God to one another. If you struggle with your family of origin or the family within which you are situated, know that you belong to another family – – the family of God. You can turn to God as a parent or to Jesus as a brother.  Have a conversation with one of them when you don’t feel heard by anyone in your earthly family.  They will understand what you are going through. Give thanks that we all have a family in which we are very loved.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What is your current image of the Holy Family?

Who can you pray to in the Holy Family when no one from your earthly family can hear your story?

Prayer 

Dear Holy Family, thank you for showing us that everyday, ordinary moments are precious. Thank you for listening to us when no one else can hear us.  Thank you for binding us together as one family under God. Amen.

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From the Cradle to the Cross

Posted on December 26, 2015 by sstyves

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Today is the Feast of St. Stephen in the Catholic Church. Stephen, full of grace and power, is the first martyr of the faith. Testifying to his belief that Jesus is the Son of God, he is thrown out of the city and stoned to death. We move from yesterday’s joy of the celebration of the Christ Child in the crib to the sobering understanding of the cross.  As Christians, we hold this paradox in open hands. Jesus came to bring life to the fullest–and to die on the cross. This Infinite Infant is laid in a wooden cradle or trough in a stable but the wood of the cross is the real reason Christ came.

I love this image of the cross above that captures our faith so beautifully. The context of Christmas cannot be comprehended without the construct of the Crucifixion. Today’s feast helps us understand this. It shakes off the shepherds’ awe and allows us also to accept that the Son of Man stands at the right hand of God. Christmas is always connected to Good Friday and Easter. We celebrate the birth of Christ because he is our Saviour who will die on a cross.

This beautiful Babe will suffer. For 30 years, Jesus will live a quiet life once he settles into his home with his family. Of course, prior to that they will have to flee for their lives and remain in a strange country. He will be recognized several times by holy, yet ordinary, faith-filled people as a special Child. However, eventually, nothing will be heard from his for about 20 years. When he returns to the spotlight, three years will pass with stories of healing and miracles. Then that Blessed Babe will be hoisted up on a cross and die for us. That is a cause for rejoicing, oddly enough, because it is an act of supreme Love.  From the cradle to the cross, Christ has us.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

What connection do you see between the cradle and the cross?

Are we also willing to lay down our lives for Christ?

Prayer

From the cradle to the cross, may we adore you, Infinite Infant. We thank you for the gift of St. Stephen and the many models of faith in that great cloud of witnesses that go before us.  May we always rejoice in the Gift of the great Love that came down that holy night.

Amen.

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Jesus is in the Manger

Posted on December 25, 2015 by sstyves

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The wait is over. Advent is done. Jesus is in the manger. We have this tradition within the Catholic Church of not putting the baby in the cradle until Christmas Eve.  Tonight, I arrived at friends’ and placed the Child Jesus in his crib. Mary, hands open, Joseph, deep in prayer, awaited the arrival of their Son. The couple looked so calm. How did we wait these past four weeks?

Today’s Gospel of John reminds us that in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God….The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. We have been waiting for the Light of the World to take on flesh and to live among us. Now, the Light is here, arriving on a night with a full moon to accentuate the brightness. I have waited with joyful hope and as I reflect on the special bonus of the full moon, I am grateful for the extra Light that shines at this time.

The pace of the four weeks was very different for me. I entered the season rested and distant from all the trappings of the season. I held my hands open like Mary often before the creche and waited with a trusting heart.  I look at this Joseph and I sense he is still reeling from the whole adventure, uncertain about what is yet to come.  I can relate to that.  Joseph is often overlooked in this story of the Virgin giving birth, the angels, the shepherds, and the magi.  He is present in a supporting role at first glance; yet he is key to this birth. His yes meant that God could proceed.  Our yes also gives God permission to proceed. Join Joseph in kneeling before the Son this night and lose yourself in prayer. Let God speak to you.  Ask God the questions that stir in your heart this night.  Engage in what is known in Ignatian terms as a colloquy or spiritual conversation with God, Jesus, Mary, or Joseph this holy Christmas night.  God may allow you to see the glory of the one and only Son in a new way if you do.

I wish each of my dear readers a blessed Christmas.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions 

Now that Jesus is in the manger, has anything changed for you?

Who are you drawn to have a colloquy with from the scene?

Prayer

O Word-Made-Flesh,

Bright Light of the World,

we thank you for being in the manger,

for bringing peace to a desperate world,

love to weary, aching hearts,

and joy to singing spirits.

God-With-Skin,

may we reflect your Light

wherever we go.

Amen.

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Water Broke!

Posted on December 24, 2015 by sstyves

imageAnd the face of God turns one last time in the waters of the womb, and the membrane breaks and the amniotic fluid leaks and the skin of God slips naked and small and holy into hands He made. – Ann Voskamp

We do not like to think of the details of that first Christmas–of water breaking, of intense labour pains, of a young woman miles from home  having her first child, of a young man standing by her even though he knows the child is not his,  of blood pouring out even then as it did on the cross. No, we prefer to think instead of shiny stars and singing angels. We would like to bypass the pain  that birthing brings. So many of my friends who are mothers tell me you forget that pain. I suspect that is true as with any pain in life. Once you get on the other side of it you look instead for what you’ve gained.

God came naked, small, and holy into our world that night. God arrived the same way each one of us did, through the birthing process. We are all called to bring Christ to life this Christmas. For some of us that will be a joyous occasion and for others it will be a painful reminder of the crosses that we have had to bear this year.   For some of us, it will be more than water that has been broken. Our hearts and our lives may have been shattered this year.  Regardless of how Christ comes to you this Christmas, I pray that you know that God has made you good and holy. It is God’s hands that have made you and in God’s hands you are held, just as the holy family held baby Jesus on that silent, holy night.  May all of the blessings of Christmas be yours this night.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

How do you imagine that first Christmas night unfolding?

Do you understand that the hands that held the baby Jesus were hands that he created?

Prayer

Stretching and turning for the last time, You head towards the light. May we too allow ourselves to be reborn as we head towards Your Light this Christmas Eve. Into your hands, we commit our spirits, O Lord. Amen.

 

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His Name is….

Posted on December 23, 2015 by sstyves

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His name is John writes Zechariah because they would not believe Elizabeth.  Why is it when she spoke what God knew nobody wanted to believe her? No, those gathered deferred to the man, to the priest, hoping  that he would then bring common sense to this situation.  Those who had rejoiced with her that the Lord had shown his great mercy to her were now annoyed with her. They knew better than God.  Why do we do that to people? Why do we question that they know best?

As Zechariah’s tongue was freed and he could begin to speak, he praised God. That’s when fear came over all his neighbors and they pondered what the child would become. It was only at that point that they stopped questioning the parents and realized that the hand of the Lord was truly upon them.  When God is at work, sometimes things just don’t make sense. I’m sure for others watching, myself included, it can be incredibly puzzling. Yet why do we not believe  that our God is a God of miracles. Our God is also a God who knows each and every one of us by our names. Our God whispers to each one of us by name the divine will that we are to do in accordance with the kingdom.

An Angel had appeared to Zechariah and now the words of the angel were becoming reality. Now all the unbelief fell away–from  Zechariah and the crowds. Gabriel himself, the angel of the Lord, had spoken and the fruits of those words were blossoming.  How many times do we doubt  that angels speak to us during the day? How many times do we doubt that they speak to others? Perhaps the gift of the season is to reclaim that angels are alive and well and bringing good news to each one of us.

Zechariah knows that his child John has a holy purpose in life. He is named by God and he is called to be a prophet of the Most High. He will go before the Lord  to prepare his way. He, John, will guide our feet unto the path of peace and give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death. Our God gave him no small task. Our God who calls each of us by name gives each of us no small task in helping to bring about the kingdom of God. As we come before the cradle this Christmas may we know that we are named, loved, and given an extraordinary task of bringing Light to those in the darkness and guiding feet unto the way of peace.  Can we believe that an angel of God whispered our name and gave us such a task?

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

When was the last time you were visited by an angel of God?

What task do you think you are given by God to complete here on earth?

Prayer

Creator God, you call each one of us by name to help prepare the way of the Lord. Help me to listen for your voice so that I may bring those who sit in darkness to the Light  and guide all those I encounter onto the path of peace. Amen.

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Born in a Manger

Posted on December 21, 2015 by sstyves

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He was born in a manger because there was no room….no room for the King of Glory in a home, in a hotel, in a hospital, in some people’s hearts.  Somehow someone found at least enough room to offer a manger, a lowly wooden box filled with hay in a dirty stable, crowded with animals that had probably perfumed the air with all but heavenly scents.  The unwelcoming arms remain today, defiantly crossed as we watch television screens that bring news that we do not agree with, cannot tolerate, and will not accept. Racism runs rampant. Fear flies freely. We still have no room in our hearts some days. Rachel still weeps.

Baby Jesus is sleeping soundly but the Incarnate One never dozes. Emmanuel is there in the boat, tossed by the waves, arriving in the dark of night on a distant shore. God-with-Us is on the ground, bleeding, because Black lives do not seem to matter as much as other lives.  Another missing and murdered Aboriginal woman goes unnoticed. A whole community boils water for 17 years while we complain about a few days.

Some days it seems like the Light will never overcome the darkness. Some times it is easy to give up on Hope and to give in to despair.  Reading the whole of the Christmas story is not easy. Mary, so very pregnant, plodding along with Joseph, who must have been wondering whose baby this belonged to and what was going to be expected of him. Sullen innkeepers turn them away from even humble comforts, their pockets full of money for those who thought to book accommodations ahead.  A shiny star turns heads. Shaggy shepherds show up speaking of angelic hosts. A fearful king schemes violently. Men dressed in fancy robes, bear odd gifts for a surprise baby shower that had no other guests. Then suddenly, the Holy Family must flee, and behind them is a trail of blood that scars a nation. How did those people survive such a catastrophe?

They survived as we survive–because of that little babe born in a manger.  The Prince of Peace permanently reigns. The Wonderful Counselor accompanies us, broken and hurting, through the desert of Egypt back to daily hidden life where a Holy Family carried on, knowing full well that others were massacred. We carry on too, despite the horrors that touch us directly or brush past us but leave us shell-shocked. We have an infant Messiah that we can bow before who understands our every need. This Saviour came as a vulnerable human being that was small enough to hold in our hands. It seems inconceivable.  Take some time to contemplate this Infinite Infant prior to Christmas. In your imagination, cradle the God-Child in your arms.  Stroke his brow. Let him smile upon your face. Welcome the Almighty for a few moments and see if it changes your heart.

Peace,

Suzanne

Reflection Questions

Where are you unable to welcome the God Child this Christmas?

What does Jesus have to say to you as you cradle him?

Prayer

God-Child, open my arms and heart to welcome you to my world this Christmas.

Amen.

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